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ASO announces new whinging competition

I just saw this on cyclingnews.com...


The Amaury Sports Organisation today announced a new competition to be formally introduced in the 2010 edition of the Tour de France after a successful informal trial in 2009. The new competition recognises and rewards consistent or notable whinging throughout the tour, with special whinging points being allocated for complaints made on rest days or well after the emotion of a situation has died down. The leader of the competition will wear the “diaper whinger” (a special pair of white padded nicks with a leak proof lining and some pictures of teddy bears), and will receive a consoling cuddle from the podium girls at the end of the stage.

The book-makers expected Cadel Evans to be a strong contender and comfortable winner of this competition, but after keeping uncharacteristically tight-lipped about his weak teammates and the massive loss of time in the team time trial in the first week, it appeared he had lost his edge. His comments in the third week about the political situation within Silence Lotto were unfortunately too cryptic to be awarded full points. Evans drifted back to the grupetto for a few days to sharpen his act, but found a distinct absence of whinging in the autobus, with Kenny van Hummel being dead last in the whinging competition before he was forced to abandon following a crash on stage 17.

Thor Hushovd got off to a solid start when he complained about non-contenders stealing sprint points from him, and cemented his position with his protest against Mark Cavendish for irregular sprinting on stage 14, but blew it all when he let his legs do the talking on stage 17 and the race organisers stripped him of all his accumulated whinging points and gave them to Cavendish. After the disappointment of not getting the yellow jersey on Stage 14, George Hincapie was set to take a narrow lead in the competition when he took a swipe at Garmin and Astana, but replays showed his comments were made in the heat of the moment, and the incident was downgraded from a tantrum to a mild dummy spit. Jens Voigt earned a few points with his frontline role in the complaints about the radio ban on stage 10, but failed to earn maximum points because there was a hint of wry smile during the interview.

The surprise leader of the competition is Swiss champion Fabian Cancellara, who leapfrogged the pack and took a potentially unassailable lead with his grumblings about the TV motorcycles assisting Alberto Contador in the Annecy time trial. The judges were particularly impressed by the remarks, especially given they lacked any hint of originality because team mate Andy Schleck had already used that line after Contador’s win in stage 7. The UCI is rumoured to be interested in talking to Cancellara, because his behaviour during this tour (including his complaints about Evans being in a break Evans instigated) show some wild deviations from the values on his whinging passport.
Jul 22, 2009
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#1 Cavendish. Far and away with this award.
#2 Cuddles Evans. I know he didn't say anything. But his eyes can't hide the ferocity of his diaper rash.
#3 Hincapie. Everyone is against him, ya know.
#4 Armstrong. The sly cat unleashed a torrent on the Lone Ranger