Ban members like you really mean it!

[Quixote]

Are you hooked on the Member Suspension thread? With over 35,000 views, I’m obviously not the only one. In the cases of member suspensions, Moderators’ descriptions are appropriately done. Usually written in a short third person narrative, the suspensions include an explanation of the offense, the rules, and the action taken. They’re neutral, diplomatic yet effective. In the cases where a member is banned, however, I would like to see some extra flair in the descriptions…like an umpire punching out a batter on a called third strike. I want the moderators to say what they’re really thinking.
Below is a list of explanations that may be useful when a member crosses that line of no return.
Feel free to add, however please keep these generic…no alluding to a member by name or innuendo.
Quixote
Senior Member----REALLY

So-and-So has been banned:
1. because it’s obvious he’s taken too many falls without a helmet.
2. because we want this idiot to spend more time in his village.
3. because he gives sock-puppets a bad name.
4. because, obviously, he’s off his medication
5. because his mother needs to wash his mouth out with soap.
6. because the police have confiscated his computer
7. because his imaginary friends don’t like him anymore.
8. because he’s like a puncture thorn in a new tire.
9. because his latest post could be used as evidence against him in a court of law.
10. because he’s just too creepy for this group ride.

 

[Alpe d'Huez]

Huh, it's as if you have access to the mods only forum.

 

[ElChingon]

11. I just plainly don't like his posts, even if its not against the forum rules, I'll read the rules to include that post using any twisted spin doctored method.
12. They're right and if I let them continue I'll be proven wrong.
13. Only I can say anyone is wrong, even if they're quoting my wrong doings.
14. They don't agree with my forum fans who's posts I will never edit nor remove even if they break ever forum rule, overlooking it as if I've gone to bed.
15. Only point out how one post is off topic and remove it yet, leave the rest of the derailed thread alone even if its gone way way way way way way way off topic.
16. Post in ALL CAPS for everyone to cool it, yet post a back sided troll post to keep the flame going.
17. Troll post to make sure a flame thread is not forgotten.
18. Derail the thread with comments to one poster, ignoring the PM function as if it didn't exist.
19. Only ask agreeable mods to boot a user I hate. The other more reasonable mods were asleep when we did it, opps my bad even if I stayed awake till that could be arranged.
20. Circumvent the swear filter, damn it as a mod I should be able to cuss.

 

[Zam_Olyas]

21. because........ sounds uptight.

 

[craig1985]

I don't see any problem with the thread, it shows why a member got banned and not clogging the forum with 54 threads on why somebody got the flick. I really don't know what El Chingon's problem is.

 

[AussieGoddess]

22. because I dont like him/her, so nobody else should either

 

[BroDeal]

23. Posts too many stupid "list threads."

 

[Quixote]

23. Posts too many stupid "list threads."

Hey BroDeal, you'll be happy to hear that I only had enough material for 20 list threads. Some I posted and the others ended up in my list thread "rejected threads". So, I've temporarily run dry. I'll need to put myself on a 30 day diet of Letterman's Top Ten List before I'll be able to bother you with more. Puzzling however, I assumed members of the Crimson Cult would be comfortable with top ten lists.

 

[Anonymous]

24. Why? Because fu*k you, that's why.

 

[Timmy-loves-Rabo]

23. Posts too many stupid "list threads."

i lol'd.

25. His posting traits indicate an inevitable abduction of cadel evans.

 

[Spider1964]

26. When you're a Senior Member posing as Wonderlance on sedatives.

 

[Boeing]

11. I just plainly don't like his posts, even if its not against the forum rules, I'll read the rules to include that post using any twisted spin doctored method.
12. They're right and if I let them continue I'll be proven wrong.
13. Only I can say anyone is wrong, even if they're quoting my wrong doings.
14. They don't agree with my forum fans who's posts I will never edit nor remove even if they break ever forum rule, overlooking it as if I've gone to bed.
15. Only point out how one post is off topic and remove it yet, leave the rest of the derailed thread alone even if its gone way way way way way way way off topic.
16. Post in ALL CAPS for everyone to cool it, yet post a back sided troll post to keep the flame going.
17. Troll post to make sure a flame thread is not forgotten.
18. Derail the thread with comments to one poster, ignoring the PM function as if it didn't exist.
19. Only ask agreeable mods to boot a user I hate. The other more reasonable mods were asleep when we did it, opps my bad even if I stayed awake till that could be arranged.
20. Circumvent the swear filter, damn it as a mod I should be able to cuss.

hammer on nail