Can we add some excitement to those flat stages?

[Quixote]

I’m sure there are some CN members who love the flat stages of the Tour. But for me, they really drag on in an all too familiar prearranged script. First you have the breakaway, then the “dramatic” capture of the breakaway, then the sprint. Thus, what we are left with is about 60 seconds of excitement for four hours of racing.
Below are some ideas I’m proposing that could make those flats something that no fan would want to miss. Think of the boost in TV ratings and sponsorships. Feel free to add ideas that you may have.
Quixote
Senior Member Wannabe

1. Tequila shots every 20k.
2. Breakaway riders must lock hands and form a rolling fence as the peloton approaches.
3. Yellow jersey must take part in every breakaway or face disqualification. (Thomas Voeckler would be all over this one).
4. Except for the sprinters, all other riders must finish the final k on a unicycle.
5. In the center of every town along the course, three words: Ring Of Fire!
6. Shoving is permitted at the feeding zones.
7. Racers will score time bonuses for knocking over any fan wearing antlers, horns or Borat thongs.
8. No race radio…however, the team director must ride on the handlebars of his GC contender.

 

[oldborn]

9. Naked only podium girls at feeding zones
10. Only one spare tyre per peloton
11. Mad minute every 15km or so (riding with eyes closed)
12. If rider is tired he can rest at car 2 minutes (of course how should I express my self (damn English) no stop at that time, he must enter/get out from window of driving car

 

[Quixote]

12. If rider is tired he can rest at car 2 minutes (of course how should I express my self (damn English) no stop at that time, he must enter/get out from window of driving car

Perfectly clear, Lad. You're talking about "trick riding" like in the rodeos. Now why didn't I think about that one.

 

[oldborn]

Perfectly clear, Lad. You're talking about "trick riding" like in the rodeos. Now why didn't I think about that one.

Education dude, education

 

[The Hitch]

Devil takes the hindmost.

Of the sprinters.

 

[rides like a girl]

Lucky 13: Finish time drawing!

To determine the winner, prior to the start of the stage fans can buy a time ticket where they predict the winning time. One fans prediction is selected from the lot and that time is placed in a sealed envelope. This can be a big production with trophy girls, clothed or naked.

The fan wins a percent of money, the rest is split with the riders who finish the stage. When the riders finish, each rider gets their time, no same time finishes, the envelope is opened. The rider closest to that time without going over wins!

The riders don't know what time is selected until they finish, was the fan who won a true fan and pick a realistic time, or is it a large or real small number by a non-knowledgeable fan? Could really mess up GC times. Even the grupetto, of injured or mechanical issue riders can win.

Keeps fans interested to the end! Of course Phil and Paul would be so confused the announcer thread would get long.

 

[The Hitch]

Phil and Paul seem pretty confused as it is.

 

[Quixote]

Lucky 13: Finish time drawing!

To determine the winner, prior to the start of the stage fans can buy a time ticket where they predict the winning time. One fans prediction is selected from the lot and that time is placed in a sealed envelope. This can be a big production with trophy girls, clothed or naked.

The fan wins a percent of money, the rest is split with the riders who finish the stage. When the riders finish, each rider gets their time, no same time finishes, the envelope is opened. The rider closest to that time without going over wins!

The riders don't know what time is selected until they finish, was the fan who won a true fan and pick a realistic time, or is it a large or real small number by a non-knowledgeable fan? Could really mess up GC times. Even the grupetto, of injured or mechanical issue riders can win.

Keeps fans interested to the end! Of course Phil and Paul would be so confused the announcer thread would get long.

The devil is really in the details of this idea, but...by jove, I think you've got something. Don't worry about Phil and Paul, if they don't get it...like the pros that they are, they'll fake it. So, by crazy chance, the slowest rider of the day could actually rake in millions!
I would only add one thing...the winning fan gets to ride the next day on the crossbar of the yellow jersey.

 

[daveinzambia]

For some reason i really like the thought of number 8

small cox style Ds's balanced on a riders bars shouting instructions to the sprint train.

he should be forced to be on the bars of the front rider for his team so as riders drop back he must be passed to the next in line, ending up on the sprinters bars at the line

 

[Michielveedeebee]

For some reason i really like the thought of number 8

small cox style Ds's balanced on a riders bars shouting instructions to the sprint train.

he should be forced to be on the bars of the front rider for his team so as riders drop back he must be passed to the next in line, ending up on the sprinters bars at the line

Hehe small cox
It's really funny when you're drunk and say it out loud

 

[daveinzambia]

Hehe small cox
It's really funny when you're drunk and say it out loud

would also make the UCI pre race measurements more interesting if that was actually a rule. must be small cox.

 

[Martin318is]

10. Allow each team to have one derny rider.
11. Randomise the derny fuel
12. Add more unleashed dogs to the circuit.
13. Give the spectators more alcohol
14. Mystery distances
15. Dont publish the route map - popup arrows at intersections
16. "Golden placing" - time bonus goes to mystery finisher

 

[ElChingon]

* Two or more equi-distant unpublished unviewable finishing routes to the line at the last roundabout. Each route has its own set of obstacles and challenges to get to the finish line, pick the wrong one and you could end up in a pitch dark tunnel or a fully flooded street or a train crossing with train! The options are endless!

 

[42x16ss]

17. Food fights at feed zones.
18. "Best Wheelie" jersey.
19. "Pick a Path" style multiple routes for the stage. Edit: El Chingon beat me to it
20. Release 50 or more angry bulls as the peloton passes the Flamme Rouge
21. Combine 13 with a flat stage raced on a Kermesse course

 

[daveinzambia]

10. Allow each team to have one derny rider.
11. Randomise the derny fuel
12. Add more unleashed dogs to the circuit.
13. Give the spectators more alcohol
14. Mystery distances
15. Dont publish the route map - popup arrows at intersections
16. "Golden placing" - time bonus goes to mystery finisher

from what i have heard this would not be possible in belgium

 

[Quixote]

10. Allow each team to have one derny rider.
11. Randomise the derny fuel
12. Add more unleashed dogs to the circuit.
13. Give the spectators more alcohol
14. Mystery distances
15. Dont publish the route map - popup arrows at intersections
16. "Golden placing" - time bonus goes to mystery finisher

YES to all of these. Spectators with more alcohol could only result in some great moments. The unleashed dogs is brilliant...as a matter of fact, this should begin in the neutral zone of a flat stage.

 

[auscyclefan94]

22. Make the riders construct the bikes they have to ride for the stage
23. Bidons are forbidden
24. Have a continous mexican wave in the peleton, if anyone misses their turn they are made to ride on the front of the peloton.

 

[Zam_Olyas]

The Tour of Beijing should make the peleton dance like this before everyrace, that would it make it interesting and the song fits.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZJ4l-hTkcs&feature=related

 

[oldborn]

UCI heads should be worried, some really genius ideas

25. German VS Brits fist fight every 24km
26. Let s make jokes about Japanese riders over radio
27. "Happy hour" team captains time of choice, weed or hashish (no interchange between teams)
28. "Best Radio Jammer award", let me explain; all teams have frequency of other teams. So Garmin can say to Cav to go outfront
29. "Hipster Queen Stage", fixies 54x11 mandatory

 

[oldborn]

The Tour of Beijing should make the peleton dance like this before everyrace, that would it make it interesting and the song fits.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZJ4l-hTkcs&feature=related

I just realize what loser I am Look those two guys enjoying Zumba classs with all those chiks

 

[Boeing]

9. Naked only podium girls at feeding zones
10. Only one spare tyre per peloton
11. Mad minute every 15km or so (riding with eyes closed)
12. If rider is tired he can rest at car 2 minutes (of course how should I express my self (damn English) no stop at that time, he must enter/get out from window of driving car

attention mods. he said naked girls

I am not sure what that has to do with cycling

however I will suggest it fits the context of the thread

 

[ElChingon]

attention mods. he said naked girls

I am not sure what that has to do with cycling

however I will suggest it fits the context of the thread

As long as they are not nude its ok. Even scantly clad is fine or sexy.

 

[Boeing]

As long as they are not nude its ok. Even scantly clad is fine or sexy.

podium chicks get paid more than female pro cyclists.

we could always have men race the women on the flat stages. Women could start further down the road like they do in golf.

 

[ElChingon]

podium chicks get paid more than female pro cyclists.

we could always have men race the women on the flat stages. Women could start further down the road like they do in golf.

Well they don't have to wear underware (your choice of which).

That race is called the fox(s) and the hounds. Yes there is such a race.

 

[Libertine Seguros]

Place mountains on the course.