Dear Mr McQuaid,
Thank you for your letter regarding a position at the ATP.
With the wealth of experience you can provide for us, notably the protection of star riders – an expertise we can certainly utilise in protecting our own – we would welcome you on board with open arms. Thankfully ‘our’ fans (apart from the few rogues) are too delusional to suspect any dodgy dealings on our part, and we believe you’d fit in nicely.
May we suggest that we meet next July? We seem to recall that when that silly Festina scandal made life difficult for the Right Honourable Hein Verbruggen, it was only apt that he left the mess to be cleared up why he took off elsewhere. As there’s bound to be a scandal next July, we couldn’t think of a better time to discuss your position with us.
Yours in Sport,
ATP