+ 1 to at least one of your comments.
its a double edged sword.. ive been suffering from anxiety for the last 8 months.. collapsed at work for no reason, rushed to hospital, all the chest/heart/etc tests.. hospital found nothing, and eventually it was put down to a stress induced panic attack..
at the moment cycling is one thing i really do enjoy, im virtually back to my old self, but it is constantly there, but cycling is the one time i can actually feel completely myself (although strenous cycling brings its own problems, breathing associated with breathlessness, leaves your brain thinking, am i just knackered, or is this a panic attack...) - i will note on the whole i enjoy lots of other things two, but being on the bike is my release (im on a good run.. 17 days, only 2 anxiety problems, im on the road to being normal again.. lol, as an example.. milan san remo, i could barely watch the last 2k, my stress levels where so high, i was practically having a panic attack.. now i managed to watch the whole of the liverpool man utd game on sunday with no anxiety..well.. maybe a little bit..
) but the bike is definately my release and the best medicine for me..
then there is the other side of the sword.. im in the early days still but much of the therapy points to basically, i have tried to do too much in life, tried to work too hard, achieve too much, strived for perfection and its basically worn me out.. that singleminded determination, also brings with it a certain amount of self centred ness, etc..
when i was young, all afternoon i thought about getting home and getting on the bike.. i would practically run inthe house, run up the stairs, get changed, and be out on the bike, doing maybe 30miles a night, maybe 40 miles a night, club runs on sundays, occasional racing..
it is part of having an addictive personality, it is also a sign of some forms of, not issues, but i enjoyed the sense of being alone, being in charge on the bike.. it can be a very solitary sport.. and many cyclists can have social issues, things like that...
im ok really.. just having a bit of a rough time, but its interesting talking to my therapist fellow, that this addictiveness as a young adult, he thought was relevant to my current problems.. but also that the bicyle at the moment is my saviour..
It was really interesting reading joe papps blogg a few weeks ago about how VdB's death effected him.. both similar ages, both had their problems with drugs etc.. but i also look at a lot of cylists, and their mental state and wonder if i had been anywhere near half decent if i would have coped with it, or more importantly, would i have coped without it...
i think there is definately something in the pysche that makes a man want to punish himself physically, rider hundreds of miles a week, thousands of miles a year, often by themselves..
there is also definately, something in cycling for those suffering from anxiety, or depression, or other non physical illnesses...
its also why i forget capital letters, and my spelling is crap.. im actually fairly intelligent, iq in the 140's, exams galore, but concentration at the moment has gone to pot.. typing is enough of a task.. spelling and grammar.. frankly i will worry about that when i am myself again..