So, I've been bored waiting for Lombardia and I've cooked up an idea. During the brief time I've been on the forum I've witnessed how easily various riders' threads descend into chaos with users flaming each other to no end about trivialities. I hereby propose that we should channel those sweet insulting creative juices into a more productive venue: behold the great Epic Rap Battles of Cycling thread, where we let our favourite riders dish out the insults on our behalf amongst themselves.
To break the ice I'll post the first one: Tadej Pogačar vs Remco Evenepoel. Enjoy
Tadej
Ta-da! I'm Tadej, and today is the day
You'll be laying in a red pool, Evenepoel, slayed
Can't sprint away, and no help on the way
As you like to ride solo, 'cause you have no mates
Put your wolves on the leash in their den in the Ardennes
Call me your liege as I won Liège there, friend
You're king of small races, I'm rated much higher
You see, I'm UCI's first ranked rider!
When fog's on the bog Pog's got the big cog
Leapfrogging pros from prologue to epilogue
You ain't gonna stop my UAE lapdogs
With that crash in your logs now your jog is my slog
My d*ck is more thick than your beef with Van Aert
Won two GTs - you, less than Tao Hart
Remco, your cycling is like a REM cycle
'Cause you beating me is the dream of a psycho.
Remco
Yo! Launch a yolo attack on this yellow-bellied hack
From fifty k's away you will crack and fall back
Hear the thunder, I'm coming, for ears that aren't deaf
F in chat for the champ of the TDF!
Forgive me for being slow, a venial sin
I'm still gonna have your Slovenian skin
Ain't fast to the line but I'm spittin' fast lines
'Cause I'm used to disputes, both on and offline
Quick, step aside, we leave no survivors
The Wolfpack against some rich camel drivers
Who fuel your performance with stained petrodollars
(Can we please talk about clinical matters?)
Got a good Flemish flaming, must have cooked your legs
Spanking baby Teddy like the new Daddy Merckx
Aero hero, no brag, but you've been such a drag
Gotta raise the white flag - 'cause I'm heir to the Bag.
To break the ice I'll post the first one: Tadej Pogačar vs Remco Evenepoel. Enjoy
Tadej
Ta-da! I'm Tadej, and today is the day
You'll be laying in a red pool, Evenepoel, slayed
Can't sprint away, and no help on the way
As you like to ride solo, 'cause you have no mates
Put your wolves on the leash in their den in the Ardennes
Call me your liege as I won Liège there, friend
You're king of small races, I'm rated much higher
You see, I'm UCI's first ranked rider!
When fog's on the bog Pog's got the big cog
Leapfrogging pros from prologue to epilogue
You ain't gonna stop my UAE lapdogs
With that crash in your logs now your jog is my slog
My d*ck is more thick than your beef with Van Aert
Won two GTs - you, less than Tao Hart
Remco, your cycling is like a REM cycle
'Cause you beating me is the dream of a psycho.
Remco
Yo! Launch a yolo attack on this yellow-bellied hack
From fifty k's away you will crack and fall back
Hear the thunder, I'm coming, for ears that aren't deaf
F in chat for the champ of the TDF!
Forgive me for being slow, a venial sin
I'm still gonna have your Slovenian skin
Ain't fast to the line but I'm spittin' fast lines
'Cause I'm used to disputes, both on and offline
Quick, step aside, we leave no survivors
The Wolfpack against some rich camel drivers
Who fuel your performance with stained petrodollars
(Can we please talk about clinical matters?)
Got a good Flemish flaming, must have cooked your legs
Spanking baby Teddy like the new Daddy Merckx
Aero hero, no brag, but you've been such a drag
Gotta raise the white flag - 'cause I'm heir to the Bag.