Here's how to fix cycling:

[Wrecktangle]

1. Everyone rides old Schwinn fat-tyre bicycles from the 50s. Everyone is issued the exactly same bike, no TT variants, three gears only. Now nobody has any kind of mechanical advantage, including Spartacus whom I'm still convinced was mechanically doping.

2. Everyone gets the 50s style walkie-talkies. Those brick-like phones only had a range of about 300 yards so it will give the peloton a feeling of togetherness which will enhance media shots.

3. Arrange housing in military barracks along the way, or rather change the race routes to towns that only have enough barracks to accomodate all the racers. Everyone sleeps in same place, and has 1900 curfews. This will drastically cut down drugie opportunities.

4. Everyone eats in one military-style mess hall, eating the exact same food. No special diets, no foo-foo chefs.

5. Assign a 24/7 guard to each rider when off the bike. This will eliminate all the other drug opportunities.

6. Everyone rides in duplicate old school busses in transfers. That way each seat has a rider and his 24/7 guard on constant watch.

7. Everyone visits the same masseuse in reverse order of their standing in the race. (relates to point 8 below)

8. All time gaps are normalized to 2 seconds between places. This will help keep the races closer, and so gain more fan interest since their guy is never really out of the race.

9. Team managers will change each day to a new team. This way, everyone is helped or cursed by brilliant/bone-head manager decisions.

These incredibly great new rules will balance cycling so no one has any advantage, it will eliminate drugs from the peloton, and increase the PR and media interest in our God-forsaken sport.

Any questions?

 

[will10]

I hope you copy-pasted that from somewhere, cos if not, that's a lot of time wasted.

 

[Wrecktangle]

I hope you copy-pasted that from somewhere, cos if not, that's a lot of time wasted.

That's not in the form of a Question.

 

[Panda Claws]

Some of these make sense but 8, what were you smoking?

 

[Wrecktangle]

Some of these make sense but 8, what were you smoking?

8 is the best rule, keeps everyone in the fight. I mean if you can give seconds for top finishes, and intermediate road sprints, why not totally f*ck things up for the "better"?

 

[Panda Claws]

It also means that it does not matter whether you are 10% or 1% better than the competition.

 

[Wrecktangle]

It also means that it does not matter whether you are 10% or 1% better than the competition.

Exactly my point!

If you are familiar with American Pro Football, you'll understand why this works so well!

 

[Ryo Hazuki]

Exactly my point!

If you are familiar with American Pro Football, you'll understand why this works so well!

lol. ever wondered why nobody cares about american football outside of america? it's simply that. it;'s become bs science. it;'s not about that it;'s about passion and emotions. you put down the most idiotic post on this forum. congrats

 

[Granville57]

I hope you copy-pasted that from somewhere, cos if not, that's a lot of time wasted.

That's not in the form of a Question.

How about this then:
"Did you copy/paste that from somewhere else?"
"If not, do you think will10 will consider it to have been a waste of your time?"

Some of these make sense but 8, what were you smoking?

#8 is the only one that seems a bit off the mark to you?

I have a question of my own:
Should I be embarrassed by the conspicuous lack of sense of humor possessed by many on this forum?

BroDeal!!!! Help me out here!

Oh, I'm against #2. Walkie-talkies would constitute race radios. Can't have that.

 

[LaFlorecita]

One thing... are you on crack?

 

[Libertine Seguros]

Exactly my point!

If you are familiar with American Pro Football, you'll understand why this works so well!

So Mark Cavendish can lose 8 bajillion hours in the Alps, and still win the race because Contador finished 38th instead of 39th in Cav's 217th sprint win?

 

[Wrecktangle]

lol. ever wondered why nobody cares about american football outside of america? it's simply that. it;'s become bs science. it;'s not about that it;'s about passion and emotions. you put down the most idiotic post on this forum. congrats

...er...thanks.

I'll admit, I don't know quite how to react, no idiotic question, and no bashing...I think.

 

[LaFlorecita]

How about this then:
"Did you copy/paste that from somewhere else?"
"If not, do you think will10 will consider it to have been a waste of your time?"

Lol!

 

[Libertine Seguros]

Exactly my point!

If you are familiar with American Pro Football, you'll understand why this works so well!

So Mark Cavendish can lose 8 bajillion hours in the Alps, and still win the race because Contador finished 38th instead of 39th in Cav's 217th sprint win?

I am familiar with American football, and don't really understand this? No matter what time of the game it is, no matter what time of the year it is, a field goal is 3, a safety is 2, a touchdown is 6, XP is 1 and a two-point conversion is 2.

I guess you're meaning how if Pittsburgh beat Cleveland 36-0 and Baltimore beat Cincinnati 14-13, both get the same points, but that's where it ends?

This might work in a points-based game but in a time-based game it's entirely irrelevant. It's like setting the pursuit times in biathlon to 2 seconds rather than the sprint times - it's not really representative and makes coming from a high bib number meaningless. Or the Nordic Combined - "it doesn't matter how amazing your jump was, it's still worth only 2 seconds". It takes the jump out of the game entirely and makes it down to the race.

If you want to normalise the scoring so that the person who places highest on average wins, there's already something in cycling for you. It's called the points classification. In fact, in some Spanish races it's called the maillot de la regularidad.

 

[Wrecktangle]

One thing... are you on crack?

As a resident of The Nederlands, I can understand your interest in "wreckcreational" drugs...but we are mainly into marijuana here in Tijuana Norte.

...but no, not at the moment...

...next Question.

 

[Ryo Hazuki]

...er...thanks.

I'll admit, I don't know quite how to react, no idiotic question, and no bashing...I think.

I don't mean to insult you it's just my opinion. making up that list tells me you understand NOTHING of cycling

 

[Wrecktangle]

So Mark Cavendish can lose 8 bajillion hours in the Alps, and still win the race because Contador finished 38th instead of 39th in Cav's 217th sprint win?

YES, YES, YES!!!!

An excellent example of what I am talking about! The Brits will go mad over this, and TV ratings will "Sky" rocket.

But, perhaps we need to get some rubber-legged American Sprinter into the same spot. Tyler Ferrar will do nicely. Then we can aim for the Lance Crowd.

 

[Ryo Hazuki]

As a resident of The Nederlands, I can understand your interest in "wreckcreational" drugs...but we are mainly into marijuana here in Tijuana Norte.

...but no, not at the moment...

...next Question.

there;'s no other country easier to get ANY drug then netherlands. especially e and g

 

[Ryo Hazuki]

YES, YES, YES!!!!

An excellent example of what I am talking about! The Brits will go mad over this, and TV ratings will "Sky" rocket.

But, perhaps we need to get some rubber-legged American Sprinter into the same spot. Tyler Ferrar will do nicely. Then we can aim for the Lance Crowd.

 

[ElChingon]

Hey everyone, he got the title wrong, fixed it:

Here's how to break cycling

Continue

 

[Wrecktangle]

I don't mean to insult you it's just my opinion. making up that list tells me you understand NOTHING of cycling

Nor I, you. (insult, that is)

Knowledge of a sport is very overrated, BTW. It causes one to write very cautious, timid, considered posts, about minor points, in a most unassuming and humble way.

But given that the most winning team in your sport over the last few years (Highroad) has been forced to disband, one thinks you are in need of the very best non-cycling knowledge available to fix your very damaged product, so I am here to offer it.

 

[jens_attacks]

chapeau wrecktangle that was a good laugh.now pass that fat blunt

 

[Deagol]

lol. ever wondered why nobody cares about american football outside of america? it's simply that. it;'s become bs science. it;'s not about that it;'s about passion and emotions. you put down the most idiotic post on this forum. congrats

There are also those of us inside America who don't care about American Football either ....

 

[palmerq]

I dont think this thread is a thread of serious ideas.. if it is errrr sorry mr wrecktangle

 

[Wrecktangle]

How about this then:
"Did you copy/paste that from somewhere else?"
"If not, do you think will10 will consider it to have been a waste of your time?"

#8 is the only one that seems a bit off the mark to you?

I have a question of my own:
Should I be embarrassed by the conspicuous lack of sense of humor possessed by many on this forum?
BroDeal!!!! Help me out here!

Oh, I'm against #2. Walkie-talkies would constitute race radios. Can't have that.

Sir, you seem to insinuate that I am trying to be humorous...

...alas, I am not; your sport is broken, broken toys are really not funny.

Also, an arcane technical point: walkie-talkies are NOT radios...where does it say "radio" in the term "walkie-talkie"?