• The Cycling News forum is still looking to add volunteer moderators with. If you're interested in helping keep our discussions on track, send a direct message to @SHaines here on the forum, or use the Contact Us form to message the Community Team.

    In the meanwhile, please use the Report option if you see a post that doesn't fit within the forum rules.

    Thanks!

Lantern Rouge - Get on Board the back of the bus!

Jul 4, 2009
335
0
0
Visit site
I believe Yauheni HUTAROVICH is not a contagious disease, but current holder of Le Lantern Rouge.

Its always fun down the back of the bus, who do you think will have the honour of the title for 2009?.

I love it when Le Director of tour applies les categorie exceptionale, i.e, "you dun a good job buddy, I leave you in because despite being one hour outside the time limit, you had a good sense of humour and you are not American".

This is the only race in the world where being a good bloke can leave you in, not out!
 
Jul 4, 2009
335
0
0
Visit site
A mate of mine, Okano has tipped me into the only brass tap in the race.

Japan is going to go nuts over this years tour!

Its great to see cycling spread to Japan like it has. I reckon if the poor bloke ARASHIRO all 5 stone of him finishes, it will be a national holiday up there.
 
It is that time of year again. The pageantry, the color, and the
spectacle have come to the principality of Monaco. Only this time it
won't be nine hundred horse power Formula 1 cars racing around the
Monte Carlo circuit. It will be finely untuned athletes charging
through the tunnel as they chase the most prestigious prize in all of
sport, the Lanterne Rouge.

The small kingdom was abuzz with rumors and smack talk on the eve of
the race. We caught up with the broadcast duo Paul Sherwin and Phil
Ligget before the start. Paul Sherwin, a man who once placed second in
the competition, gave us his take on the race. "Most people think of
it as a contest of physical unfitness," he said, "but it is really a
thinking man's game. There is a tremendous amount of planning that goes
into wasting enough energy to get a slow time but not so much that you
don't finish."

Phil Ligget, who was unable to compete professionally because his low
VO2Max was deemed an unfair advantage, concurred. "It is a delicate
balance that only the truly great champions can get right." Sherwin
then said, "Indeed." We are not sure what he meant by that.

For months rumors have abounded about a secret weapon to be brought to
France by last year's second place finisher, the german Bernhard Eisel.
On Thursday he unveiled it, a sixteen to thirty-two cassette mated to
a compact crank. Eisel explained, "Even if I wanted to go fast, the
low gearing would prevent it." Last year's seventh place finisher and
France's great hope, Stephane Auge, cried foul and insisted that
Eisel's bike be tested for legality. The rollout was found three
millimeters below the minimum. Eisel's crack mechanic quickly
remedied the problem with a slightly larger tire.

As is often the case, many of the previous year's high placed finishers
went on to fame, fortune, or a local fat farm, choosing not to race
again. The list of potential winners is, as usual, filled with
frenchmen, chief among them the fiesty, aforementioned Auge. His
countryman Christophe Riblon has been making press lately with his
promise to bring the title home to France. It was quite an embarrassment
and a source of national shame when last year's event was won by the
belgian Wim Vansevenant, who is not racing this year. Niki Terpstra
rounds out last year's high placed finishers who are in this year's hunt.

The night before the race competitors engaged in the usual preparations.
Bernhard Eisel was spotted gambling the night away at the Monte Carlo
casino. Stephane Auge used a more traditional approach. He was seen
entering his hotel with two women in hand and just as many bottles of
cheap wine, plus a large block of cheese.

The first day's racing was splendid. There are always a few chancers
who are out to make a name for themselves by hook or crook, and this
stage it was the most unlikely two that could be imagined. Two of the
worst riders of the race of truth gave it all for a shot at red. David
Millar tried by hook, and Mick Rogers by crook.

Millar attempted the old crash and hobble to the finish ploy. He
skidded twice but luck was not with him. He managed to stay upright.
Rogers attempted a sneakier approach. He dropped his chain twice and
actually stopped, getting off his machine. This is not a rules
infraction if the mechanical problem is legitimate, but there is a long
history of riders faking breakdowns. Today was no exception. At
least one spectator claimed she observed Rogers unclip from his pedal
and nudge his chain with his shoe. Race commissioners could not find
the witness, so Rogers was let off with a stern warning. Let this be a
lesson to all, especially young women; never trust an aussie.

By the end of the race it was a happy day for Belarus as Yauheni
Hutarovich took the top spot by a whopping twenty-six seconds. It was
also a sad day for France as the best a frenchman could manage was tenth.
Newcomer Fumiyuki Beppu impressed in his first Tour de France by placing
seventh. Experts doubt the young rider has the experience to contend all
the way to Paris. Obviously the true contenders spent the day fatiguing
themselves in preparation for the last week, where truly large amounts of
time can be lost.
 
Jun 16, 2009
860
0
0
Visit site
BroDeal said:
It is that time of year again. The pageantry, the color, and the
spectacle has come to the principality of Monaco. Only this time it
won't be nine hundred horse power Formula 1 cars racing around the
Monte Carlo circuit. It will be finely untuned athletes charging
through the tunnel as they chase the most prestigious prize in all of
sport, the Lanterne Rouge.

The small kingdom was abuzz with rumors and smack talk on the eve of
the race. We caught up with the broadcast duo Paul Sherwin and Phil
Ligget before the start. Paul Sherwin, a man who once placed second in
the competition, gave us his take on the race. "Most people think of
it as a contest of physical unfitness," he said, "but it is really a
thinking man's game. There is a tremendous amount of planning that goes
into wasting enough energy to get a slow time but not so much that you
don't finish."

Phil Ligget, who was unable to compete professionally because his low
VO2Max was deemed an unfair advantage, concurred. "It is a delicate
balance that only the truly great champions can get right." Sherwin
then said, "Indeed." We are not sure what he meant by that.

For months rumors have abounded about a secret weapon to be brought to
France by last year's second place finisher, the german Bernhard Eisel.
On Thursday he unveiled it, a sixteen to thirty-two cassette mated to
a compact crank. Eisel explained, "Even if I wanted to go fast, the
low gearing would prevent it." Last year's seventh place finisher and
France's great hope, Stephane Auge, cried foul and insisted that
Eisel's bike be tested for legality. The rollout was found three
millimeters below the minimum. Eisel's crack mechanic quickly
remedied the problem with a slightly larger tire.

As is often the case, many of the previous year's high placed finishers
went on to fame, fortune, or a local fat farm, choosing not to race
again. The list of potential winners is, as usual, filled with
frenchmen, chief among them the fiesty, aforementioned Auge. His
countryman Christophe Riblon has been making press lately with his
promise to bring the title home to France. It was quite an embarrassment
and a source of national shame when last year's event was won by the
belgian Wim Vansevenant, who is not racing this year. Niki Terpstra
rounds out last year's high placed finishers who are in this year's hunt.

The night before the race competitors engaged in the usual preparations.
Bernhard Eisel was spotted gambling the night away at the Monte Carlo
casino. Stephane Auge used a more traditional approach. He was seen
entering his hotel with two women in hand and just as many bottles of
cheap wine, plus a large block of cheese.

The first day's racing was splendid. There are always a few chancers
who are out to make a name for themselves by hook or crook, and this
stage it was the most unlikely two that could be imagined. Two of the
worst riders of the race of truth gave it all for a shot at red. David
Millar tried by hook, and Mick Rogers by crook.

Millar attempted the old crash and hobble to the finish ploy. He
skidded twice but luck was not with him. He managed to stay upright.
Rogers attempted a sneakier approach. He dropped his chain twice and
actually stopped, getting off his machine. This is not a rules
infraction if the mechanical problem is legitimate, but there is a long
history of riders faking breakdowns. Today was no exception. At
least one spectator claimed she observed Rogers unclip from his pedal
and nudge his chain with his shoe. Race commissioners could not find
the witness, so Rogers was let off with a stern warning. Let this be a
lesson to all, especially young women; never trust an aussie.

By the end of the race it was a happy day for Belarus as Yauheni
Hutarovich took the top spot by a whopping twenty-six seconds. It was
also a sad day for France as the best a frenchman could manage was tenth.
Newcomer Fumiyuki Beppu impressed in his first Tour de France by placing
seventh. Experts doubt the young rider has the experience to contend all
the way to Paris. Obviously the true contenders spent the day fatiguing
themselves in preparation for the last week, where truly large amounts of
time can be lost.

best read i've had in weeks thank you :)
 
Jul 6, 2009
40
0
0
Visit site
Anyone know what's been happening to poor Hutarovich? Not only did he finish a solid last in the prologue, he lost another 8 minutes today.

First withdrawal was today as well, van de Walle in hospital from a nasty sounding crash.

Just been having a look back at past Lanterns Rouges, Vansevanant actually managed it the last 3 years on the spin? Incredible!
 
Benneth said:
Anyone know what's been happening to poor Hutarovich? Not only did he finish a solid last in the prologue, he lost another 8 minutes today.

First withdrawal was today as well, van de Walle in hospital from a nasty sounding crash.

Just been having a look back at past Lanterns Rouges, Vansevanant actually managed it the last 3 years on the spin? Incredible!

Vansevenant was a legend. Hutarovich is making his bid for glory. I'll have a report tomorrow.
 
Stage 2

On the morning before the second stage, a 187 kilometer jaunt from Monaco
to Brignoles, scandal rocked the race. L'Equipe has reported that three
riders were caught smoking marijuana in their team bus by a gendarme.
The story is said to come from leaks within the police force, but it has
not been confirmed by other news sources.

Marijuana is a banned performance deenhancing drug (PDD) in the race for
the Lanterne Rouge. It has a long history of misuse in the Tour de France.
The PDD produces a state of lethargy, slowing the pace of riders. Riders
also use it to pile on pounds before the mountain stages. Although the
performance deenhancing properties of the drug are well documented, it was
actually banned from competition when smaller budget teams complained they
were at a disadvantage because their riders were blowing out the teams'
food budgets.

We got Sean Kelly's take on the use of this PDD. Sean was known as King
Kelly because he was usually king of the laughing group. Although fans
might not think that a rider who toiled away at the wrong end of the
peloton might know much about what it takes to win, it is often the low
level domestiques who are the most savvy. Kelly has parlayed that into a
solid career as a race commentator, which makes up for his disasterous
career on the road.

Kelly explained the use of the drug in his day. "It was ablarg adfer
blaersg hot days, "he said. "A rider blargad aausfg erg careful blah
aaa finishes." After listening our audio recording several times and
passing a doctored transcript through Google's Irish to English
translator, we managed to conclude that in Kelly's day a rider had to
be careful using pot on hot days, and not having the will to finish was
always a problem with the substance. As always Kelly is spot on--if
you can understand him.

Phil Ligget was quick to deny the prevalence of doping in the peloton.
He said, "There are only a few bad apples, and I truly believe they are
catching the cheats." When asked about the van full of bongs that was
stopped at the French-Spanish border three years ago, Ligget was silent.

Information about the three riders' identities remains sketchy. Reporters
are pouring over the peloton, questioning anyone who uses the word dude
or, in Franco Pellizotti's case, anyone who even looks like he might use
the word. The press is also on the lookout for anyone known to wear a
douchebag beard; Tom Boonen's hotel is said to under siege by the media.

On the road it was a fine day of racing. The leader after the first
stage was inspired by the red jersey and made a classy effort to win
two consecutive stages. He started with a crash, taking the peloton
by surprise. Before the weak teams noticed, he had lost ten minutes
to the field.

The hero of the day, Andreas Klier, then made his move. With a fabulous
display of glass cranking and artful use of the brakes, he attacked off
the back. Slowly he closed the gap, catching Hutarovich with twenty
kilometers to go. The two then worked together to limit their gains to
the peloton.

The field brought the two back to within eight minutes, but it was
apparent that the group did not have it in them to go as slow as the
brave pair of escapees. It came down to a two man sprint at the line.
Klier pipped Hutarovich with a cheeky bit of last second braking.
Hutarovich explained that he thought he had it timed just right, but
Klier caught him out. "Andreas stood on the brakes, and before I could
react, I had rolled across the line," Hutarovich explained.

Hutarovich now finds himself at the bottom of the leader board with a
solid 1:05 advantage over Klier. Kenny Robert Van Hummel rounds out the
top three at 8:40 behind the leader. The gaps are already opening up,
and tomorrow is expected to be a windy day, perfect conditions for
breaks.
 
Jun 15, 2009
7
0
0
Visit site
Looks like Kenny Robert Van Hummel is doing his best to take this title.

The guy has a great name, should have been a US country singer.
 
Jul 7, 2009
484
0
0
Visit site
My money is on Kenny Robert van Hummel, if he makes it to Paris. Weak rider who's always dropped as soon as the pace is raised in the peleton.

While Wim Vansevenant always did a great job for his team every year he was Lanterne Rouge, van Hummel simply isn't good enough for this years tour.