Signs that your new cycling partner is going to be a problem

[Quixote]

A work in progress...feel free to add things that I missed.
Here are some indications that your new riding partner might not work out.
HE:
1. starts fistfights with other cyclists.
2. gathers road kill in a sack.
3. insists that you switch chamois with him after every 20k.
4. carries a hunting knife in his back pouch.
5. keeps offering you a “hit” from his water bottle.
6. can’t go into the local convenience store…they might recognize him.
7. drops something into your pouch when he sees a police car.
8. While riding behind you…he keeps mumbling that you look “mighty fine”.
9. frequently works the name “Liquigas” into sentences followed by an uncontrollable giggle.
10. shows up for your first ride wearing a Borat thong.
11. wonders aloud who would get your bike if something unfortunate were to happen...

Quixote
Senior Member by Acclamation

 

[ElChingon]

12. Keeps asking about when he's going to be able to meet your wife.
13. Keeps asking if you have a sister.
14. Keeps asking where you hide the spare key as there's no rocks out front of your house.
15. Keeps seeking ways to be able to see your bedroom.
16. Keeps reaching for your water bottle.
17. Keeps placing his hand on your rump as you pass him to take a pull.
18. Always, goes back to his house to put on a kit that matches yours or calls pre-ride to see what you're going to wear.
19. Yells and displays obscene gestures at the cops if they are within viewing distance.
20. Rides in the middle of the lane when there are cars coming from behind and there's a bike lane.
21. Keeps showing up at dinner time looking for an invite.
22. Chucks his water bottle at you when you get the city limit sign.
23. Keeps pulling in short on his pull.

 

[leftover pie]

wears underpants with his knicks.. . .on the outside.

 

[Martin318is]

25. Wears a LiveStrong bracelet
26. His RoadID lists his address as "Narnia"
27. Team kit matches his bike

 

[Quixote]

28. He's nicknamed his bike Ol' Widow Maker
29. His favorite pre-ride meal is a bean burrito.

 

[RedheadDane]

30. He always carries tags on a ride, in case he'd need to get away from the cops.
31. He has concealed guns, which can be fired by a system on the handlebar, on/in his bike.
32. He carries a wire with him, which he insists on hooking to your bike every time you come to a hill.
33. He frequently insists that a training route goes by a bank so you can "withdraw some money."

 

[powerste]

29. His favorite pre-ride meal is a bean burrito.

'Fess up people - how many of us here seriously resemble that remark?

 

[Quixote]

34. Makes a stop at each walk-in clinic on the route for a quick EKG.
35. When he's in the lead he keeps yelling, "I feel my dinner coming up!"

 

[Francois the Postman]

36. starts to chat to you about cycling sites and mentions that he hates the moderation on the CyclingNews forum

(hello all, it's been a while...)

 

[The Hitch]

Hooray. Francois is back.

I expect those posts to get slightly longer though.

 

[greenedge]

9 and 11 are so true and happens all the time for me.

 

[nobilis]

37. He drops during warm-up
38. He shows up with hairy legs

 

[RedheadDane]

39. He rolls over and start whining every time someone (you) brushes him ever so slightly on a ride.

 

[Boeing]

A work in progress...feel free to add things that I missed.
Here are some indications that your new riding partner might not work out.
HE:
1. starts fistfights with other cyclists.
2. gathers road kill in a sack.
3. insists that you switch chamois with him after every 20k.
4. carries a hunting knife in his back pouch.
5. keeps offering you a “hit” from his water bottle.
6. can’t go into the local convenience store…they might recognize him.
7. drops something into your pouch when he sees a police car.
8. While riding behind you…he keeps mumbling that you look “mighty fine”.
9. frequently works the name “Liquigas” into sentences followed by an uncontrollable giggle.
10. shows up for your first ride wearing a Borat thong.
11. wonders aloud who would get your bike if something unfortunate were to happen...

Quixote
Senior Member by Acclamation

Great thread but allow me to suggest that 1. and 11 are ok.

 

[Fourier]

- Shaves only one of his legs, always claims he didn't have time to finish the other one.

 

[Michielveedeebee]

He shows up naked

 

[Zam_Olyas]

when he keeps trying to call his girl.

 

[Boeing]

they keep telling you what their heart rate is

 

[ustabe]

n+1) Shows up wearing a sleeveless jersey and arm warmers
n+2) Shows up wearing a sleeveless jersey without shaving his shoulders
n+3) Tucks his jersey into his bibs
n+4) Has a Back-up Bar on his bike
n+5) Doesn't carry a spare and a pump

 

[Quixote]

n+1) Shows up wearing a sleeveless jersey and arm warmers
n+2) Shows up wearing a sleeveless jersey without shaving his shoulders
n+3) Tucks his jersey into his bibs
n+4) Has a Back-up Bar on his bike
n+5) Doesn't carry a spare and a pump

n+3=funny...anything to reduce that wind resistance
n+4=that includes half of my riding group!

 

[mewmewmew13]

Francois...man of few words..
welcome back...

 

[mewmewmew13]

I guess these would be my fears if I were a man:

only shaves his legs up to his knees

likes to wear a helmet with mouse ears attached

rides with a lobster claw sticking out of his jersey pocket

But since I'm not a man:

If my new riding partner showed up with a baby trailer on the back

Shows up dressed entirely in leopard prints with lace on the bottom of her shorts

or is wearing a jersey with a large obscenity about motorists scrawled on the back

 

[GWAR79]

N+6) shorts worn so thin u can see his junk

 

[Boeing]

shows up in a livestrong jersey

 

[Boeing]

it could be a problem also if he shows up on an entry level bike and drops you.

that has never happened to me