From Indurain to Armstrong to Team Sky to current day, cycling seems to always have a Top Dog of Doping sitting comfortably on the throne, levels above everyone else, preaching the "cleanest team", "most tested rider" or "never tested positive" mantra while crushing every other rider with impunity. Maybe we should feel blessed that we at least have two teams in that category recently instead of one all-conquering force, but I think after 35 years of doping fatigue it's time to take a break and remember the best category of doper there is - the Smash-and-Grab Doper.
A Smash-and-Grab Doper is not Armstrong or Froome. He does not reign at the top for the better part of a decade, insulting spectators the whole way with mutant transformations combined with being given seemingly bulletproof immunity from the cycling big-wigs. Nor is he Sayar, Ricco or Kohl, a rider stupid enough to fail the IQ test after dominating a race out of nowhere and immediately testing positive with a radioactive in-competition sample, or someone like Pliuschin or Sinkewitz, riders of such profound irrelevance and lack of noteworthiness that they don't even have the decency to use their enhanced performance to make their mark on races, the overwhelming consensus upon hearing about their failed tests being a simple "...who?"
The Smash-and-Grab Doper languishes in back-of-the-peloton mediocrity for his entire career until he viciously and suddenly strikes with outrageous audacity, taking home a couple of shock victories out of nowhere before retreating back into the obscurity from whence he came, skillfully avoiding the limp arm of the law every step of the way.
I'll start us out with two obvious examples:
Alexander Foliforov - Stage 15 of the 2016 Giro d'Italia
Foliforov avoided attention leading up to stage 15's individual time trial up Alpe di Siusi by only finishing in the top 50 on a single stage in the race - a 12th place on stage 13. With only a minute and a half separating the top three riders in the GC - Kruiswijk, Nibali and Chaves - it was set to be a ferocious battle for the Maglia Rosa, but Foliforov came out of nowhere to snatch the stage win, with his GazProm team mate Firsanov also claiming 4th place. It was to be Foliforov's only victory in the top three divisions of UCI racing in his entire career.
Mark Padun - 2021 Criterium du Dauphiné
I love Mark Padun. He is truly legendary. The first six stages of this edition of the Dauphiné went by without Mark Padun even giving us a whiff of what was to come. His best results before this were a couple of stage wins in smaller stage races and some mediocre junior results. Going into the 7th stage of the Dauphiné he was 95th overall, 32 minutes down on the overall leader and hadn't claimed a single sprint or KOM point. Then the bomb went off. On the finish up to La Plagne he rode away from everyone, finishing over half a minute up on eventual winner Richie Porte. The next day, on a stage with six categorised climbs, including the HC Joux-Plane, he immediately got into a 17 man breakaway that also featured Jonas Vingegaard. From there he claimed every KOM sprint along the way to secure the KOM jersey while also riding the entire breakaway off his wheel one by one, winning the stage a minute and a half ahead of Vingegaard and two minutes ahead of the GC contenders. Mark was famously and inexplicably dropped immediately from Bahrain's 2021 Tour team despite this stellar showing just a month before the race, and apart from a time trial stage in the very-much-not prestigious Gran Camiño the year after, he has not won a race since. In fact, in the last couple of years just being able to finish the race within the time limit is well above expectations for Padun.
Post your favourite audacious out-of-literally-nowhere performances below, either from the past or as they happen in the future. I think we can all agree that this is the peak of cycling pantomime?
A Smash-and-Grab Doper is not Armstrong or Froome. He does not reign at the top for the better part of a decade, insulting spectators the whole way with mutant transformations combined with being given seemingly bulletproof immunity from the cycling big-wigs. Nor is he Sayar, Ricco or Kohl, a rider stupid enough to fail the IQ test after dominating a race out of nowhere and immediately testing positive with a radioactive in-competition sample, or someone like Pliuschin or Sinkewitz, riders of such profound irrelevance and lack of noteworthiness that they don't even have the decency to use their enhanced performance to make their mark on races, the overwhelming consensus upon hearing about their failed tests being a simple "...who?"
The Smash-and-Grab Doper languishes in back-of-the-peloton mediocrity for his entire career until he viciously and suddenly strikes with outrageous audacity, taking home a couple of shock victories out of nowhere before retreating back into the obscurity from whence he came, skillfully avoiding the limp arm of the law every step of the way.
I'll start us out with two obvious examples:
Alexander Foliforov - Stage 15 of the 2016 Giro d'Italia
Foliforov avoided attention leading up to stage 15's individual time trial up Alpe di Siusi by only finishing in the top 50 on a single stage in the race - a 12th place on stage 13. With only a minute and a half separating the top three riders in the GC - Kruiswijk, Nibali and Chaves - it was set to be a ferocious battle for the Maglia Rosa, but Foliforov came out of nowhere to snatch the stage win, with his GazProm team mate Firsanov also claiming 4th place. It was to be Foliforov's only victory in the top three divisions of UCI racing in his entire career.
Mark Padun - 2021 Criterium du Dauphiné
I love Mark Padun. He is truly legendary. The first six stages of this edition of the Dauphiné went by without Mark Padun even giving us a whiff of what was to come. His best results before this were a couple of stage wins in smaller stage races and some mediocre junior results. Going into the 7th stage of the Dauphiné he was 95th overall, 32 minutes down on the overall leader and hadn't claimed a single sprint or KOM point. Then the bomb went off. On the finish up to La Plagne he rode away from everyone, finishing over half a minute up on eventual winner Richie Porte. The next day, on a stage with six categorised climbs, including the HC Joux-Plane, he immediately got into a 17 man breakaway that also featured Jonas Vingegaard. From there he claimed every KOM sprint along the way to secure the KOM jersey while also riding the entire breakaway off his wheel one by one, winning the stage a minute and a half ahead of Vingegaard and two minutes ahead of the GC contenders. Mark was famously and inexplicably dropped immediately from Bahrain's 2021 Tour team despite this stellar showing just a month before the race, and apart from a time trial stage in the very-much-not prestigious Gran Camiño the year after, he has not won a race since. In fact, in the last couple of years just being able to finish the race within the time limit is well above expectations for Padun.
Post your favourite audacious out-of-literally-nowhere performances below, either from the past or as they happen in the future. I think we can all agree that this is the peak of cycling pantomime?
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