- Mar 5, 2009
- 63
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Memo To: Christophe Prudhomme of Amoury Sports Organization.
From: Chuck Chicken.
Subject: Request for rule changes to make things easier for the riders.
After watching the 2011 Tour de France (very exciting by the way) I was struck by rider comments about the conditions they were subjected to during the three-week event. Almost every day, there was some cause for concern of the rider's safety, or a challenge to a rider's ability to retain a hard-won position in the race. I therefore humbly and respectfully request the following seven rule changes. Please implement them before the 2012 Tour de France.
1) Frank and Andy Schleck are brothers and teammates. Since they went to all this effort to be born in the same family and insist on riding so close to each other in the peloton they could hold hands, I recommend that the equipment rules be changed to allow the Schleck's to ride a tandem bike. The Dude Who Found me assures me that people who ride tandems with a partner are stronger together than alone so let the boys have one. It just may have helped Andy in that time trial.
2) Here's another one for the Schlecks, after listening to the brother's rationally and reasonably explain the dangers of riding bicycles downhill, I recommend that riders be bussed down all descents. Just because descending has been part of the challenge of bicycle racing in every event for all of the sport's history, doesn't make descending less dangerous (deadly, even). Let's not lose another professional cyclist unnecessarily.
3) Since this seems to be a defacto rule anyway, please change the daily time-cut rule to read that the time-cut starts just behind whatever group Mark Cavendish finishes in. It's a waste of everyone's energy to establish a time-based cut-off for riders if a waiver is going to be given for Cavendish so let's just make it formal.
4) Alberto Contador had an off year. And losing time in the first week due to a split in the peloton proved too much for him. Because you can't always be sure that a favorite like Alberto will be fit enough to make up losses like that, I propose a rule change that on flat stages (ones won by a named sprint star), all riders get the same time as the winner.
5) Thomas Voekler is one of the most exciting cyclists of our time. To see a Frenchman in yellow, fighting with all his strength to keep it, was amazing. It is a shame that the honor of finishing the race in yellow was stolen from him at the final hour like that. You do own the race right? No-one would have blamed you if you simply stopped the race the last day Voekler was in yellow. Maybe the rule could be that if a French guy is in yellow ten days in row, the rest of the race is neutralized?
6) The fans who run along side racers up mountain climbs can get a little crazy. They come too close on the best day and on their worst, lay a hand on the riders. Contador had to punch a guy in the face this year to stop from getting knocked off his bike. I suggest that retractable batons be standard issue from now on. I bet those geniuses at Trek or Specialized can make one out of carbon fiber that mounts to the top of a handlebar. And I bet that once a few riders express their discomfort with crazy fans via baton, the rest of the crowds will simply fall into line.
7) This one may go without saying but rules need to be officially added to the book to be followed so here goes: please ban all cars and motorcycles from the race caravan. Watching a France tv VIP car knock Juan Antonio Flecha of Team Sky and Johnny Hoogerland of Omega Pharma Lotto (Ed correction - Vacansoleil-DCM) to the ground was horrifying. Something must be done. I recommend that all cars and motorcycles be suspended from the roads. I know this will create complications you need to work through to replace the roles of team and officials cars but don't worry about the television aspect - just put some cameras on the bikes themselves and shoot from the helicopter. And bring cars back when they can fly.
Thank you for your kind attention to this letter.
From: Chuck Chicken.
Subject: Request for rule changes to make things easier for the riders.
After watching the 2011 Tour de France (very exciting by the way) I was struck by rider comments about the conditions they were subjected to during the three-week event. Almost every day, there was some cause for concern of the rider's safety, or a challenge to a rider's ability to retain a hard-won position in the race. I therefore humbly and respectfully request the following seven rule changes. Please implement them before the 2012 Tour de France.
1) Frank and Andy Schleck are brothers and teammates. Since they went to all this effort to be born in the same family and insist on riding so close to each other in the peloton they could hold hands, I recommend that the equipment rules be changed to allow the Schleck's to ride a tandem bike. The Dude Who Found me assures me that people who ride tandems with a partner are stronger together than alone so let the boys have one. It just may have helped Andy in that time trial.
2) Here's another one for the Schlecks, after listening to the brother's rationally and reasonably explain the dangers of riding bicycles downhill, I recommend that riders be bussed down all descents. Just because descending has been part of the challenge of bicycle racing in every event for all of the sport's history, doesn't make descending less dangerous (deadly, even). Let's not lose another professional cyclist unnecessarily.
3) Since this seems to be a defacto rule anyway, please change the daily time-cut rule to read that the time-cut starts just behind whatever group Mark Cavendish finishes in. It's a waste of everyone's energy to establish a time-based cut-off for riders if a waiver is going to be given for Cavendish so let's just make it formal.
4) Alberto Contador had an off year. And losing time in the first week due to a split in the peloton proved too much for him. Because you can't always be sure that a favorite like Alberto will be fit enough to make up losses like that, I propose a rule change that on flat stages (ones won by a named sprint star), all riders get the same time as the winner.
5) Thomas Voekler is one of the most exciting cyclists of our time. To see a Frenchman in yellow, fighting with all his strength to keep it, was amazing. It is a shame that the honor of finishing the race in yellow was stolen from him at the final hour like that. You do own the race right? No-one would have blamed you if you simply stopped the race the last day Voekler was in yellow. Maybe the rule could be that if a French guy is in yellow ten days in row, the rest of the race is neutralized?
6) The fans who run along side racers up mountain climbs can get a little crazy. They come too close on the best day and on their worst, lay a hand on the riders. Contador had to punch a guy in the face this year to stop from getting knocked off his bike. I suggest that retractable batons be standard issue from now on. I bet those geniuses at Trek or Specialized can make one out of carbon fiber that mounts to the top of a handlebar. And I bet that once a few riders express their discomfort with crazy fans via baton, the rest of the crowds will simply fall into line.
7) This one may go without saying but rules need to be officially added to the book to be followed so here goes: please ban all cars and motorcycles from the race caravan. Watching a France tv VIP car knock Juan Antonio Flecha of Team Sky and Johnny Hoogerland of Omega Pharma Lotto (Ed correction - Vacansoleil-DCM) to the ground was horrifying. Something must be done. I recommend that all cars and motorcycles be suspended from the roads. I know this will create complications you need to work through to replace the roles of team and officials cars but don't worry about the television aspect - just put some cameras on the bikes themselves and shoot from the helicopter. And bring cars back when they can fly.
Thank you for your kind attention to this letter.
Vacansoleil-DCM. This is why I'm not a journalist.
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