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Expressions/phrases that make you laugh

May 6, 2009
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Ripped it from a different forum I visit, but what are your favourite expressions/comments that make you laugh, or some good old fashioned slang.

To get started (Australian ones), if somebody is not the best looking then "their face is like a dropped pie/bucket of smashed crabs." Or, if they are lacking something upstairs then they are "one beer beer short of a six-pack" or "one sandwhich short of a picnic".

Or if it is a very hot day, then you are "sweating like a rapist" (not PC). If somebody has a foul mouth then they are "swearing like a wharfie."
 
When somebody is a bit slow to pick up on something or a bit slow to react: "Ya snooze, ya lose"

When somebody sleeps in too much and you have to wake them up: "Wakey, wakey, hand off snakey"

A few different one i used to use at school when you were tellin your mates you were going to do a piss: "Drain the main vain", "Sython the python", "Drain the grub", "going for a tinkle"

And the old blame game you play when someone farts (and the back and forthing until someone can't think of a comeback rhyme):
"Whoever smelt it, dealt it."
"Whoever denied it supplied it."
"Whoever detected it, ejected it."
"The smellers the feller"
"Whoever rhymed it crimed it"
"Whoever observed it served it.

There are a few more rhymes but those are the main ones that get used around here.

There are a few more fart jokes that make me laugh:

When someone farts, a person calls out "Six fish" and the person has to name six different types of fish and until he does his friends get to keep punching him. This could be counteracted if the farterer called out "Safe" before someone yelled out "six fish"

Also when a person farts, if someone calls out "Doorknob" then the person keeps getting punched until he touches a doorknob. The Safe rule also applies on this one.

Also some people that farted would also stick their arms out like a plane and make plane noises whilst running around the classroom. This was known as "Crop-dusting". This one was pretty short lived as it was counteracted by six fish or doorknob.

Cupcaking and wafting were also favourites of mine. Both are pretty self explanatory.
 
Mar 18, 2009
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I remember a dinner a number of years back where an American couple invited myself and another Australian couple over. The American later commented that it was like he was in another country because he had no idea what we were saying and what we were talking about. It was all gobbledygook to him.

So, some of my favourite Aussie terms:
- Bludger: a lazy person or someone that doesn't pull their own weight
- Bonzer: outstanding
- Bung: broken
- Carry on like a pork chop: to make a fuss or behave silly
- Chook: chicken
- Chuck a wobbly: lose your temper
- Chunder: vomit
- Dunny: toilet
- Fair suck of the sauce bottle: Steady on, be reasonable
- Flat out like a lizard drinking: very busy
- Full as a goog: very drunk or very full
- Give it a burl: give it a try
- Go troppo: Behave strangely or lose your mind
- Like a stunned mullet: dazed, confused or bewildered
- Mad as a cut snake: crazy or angry
- Mozzie: mosquito
- No worries: no worries!
- Not a brass razoo: no money
- On the turps: drinking heavily
- Plonk: wine
- Sanger: sandwich
- Things are crook in Tallarook: catchphrase for any bad situation
- Woop woop: remote place
- Wouldn't work in an iron lung: extremely lazy person
- Wowser: killjoy
 
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Being a boob man, "don't get your tit in a wringer", "it's colder than a witch's tit on the Klondike", and "flip a tit" (U-turn) make me smile every time I hear them.
 
Jul 23, 2009
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When the facts are against you argue the law, when the law is against you argue the facts - when both are against you bang on the table >>> old Defense Attorney proverb (I have seen a lot of banging on the table myself).
 
Jul 7, 2009
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During last evenings Capitals vs Maple Leafs game, a Capitals player named Jay Beagle accelerated quickly towards the goal, drawing a penalty. The commentator says," Beagle accelerating like a greyhound, draws a holding penalty."

Made me think of "Dare I say,it's curtains for Karpets!"
 
Jun 9, 2009
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Anither fun thread in the absence of racing, right on!

for happiness: "I'm as happy as a baby in a barrel full of boobies"

to explain the coital act: "We were going at it like a couple of drunk monkies"
 
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"Dumber than a bag full of dicks"

"You're fu#king this cat, I am just holding the tail"

"You're mama's so fat, when I got on top of her my ears popped."
 
May 6, 2009
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"Couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery" - if somebody is unorganised.

"Couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo" - ok, I'll admit I have no idea what this one means, but I find it funny.
 
May 6, 2009
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"Have a cup of cement and harden the **** up" (or HTFU).

"As popular as a fart in a elevator/fly in a soup etc." - when somebody is not popular.
 
Oct 8, 2009
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craig1985 said:

"Couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo" - ok, I'll admit I have no idea what this one means, but I find it funny.


Ah, moving into my area of expertise - usually used to describe a striker in football whose goal awareness is somewhat lacking. 10 years at Colchester have made me something of an expert in people who could run round a field of cows armed with a banjo with no danger to the animals whatsoever.

I'm afraid I over use the phrases 'as mad as a box of frogs' (worked too long with the general public) and 'as much use as a chocolate teapot.' Cliched old fool that I am.
 
May 6, 2009
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kelvedon wonder said:
Ah, moving into my area of expertise - usually used to describe a striker in football whose goal awareness is somewhat lacking. 10 years at Colchester have made me something of an expert in people who could run round a field of cows armed with a banjo with no danger to the animals whatsoever.

I'm afraid I over use the phrases 'as mad as a box of frogs' (worked too long with the general public) and 'as much use as a chocolate teapot.' Cliched old fool that I am.

Wasn't that term used to describe Emile Heskey (the cow and the banjo)?
 
Jun 16, 2009
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A couple of canine related weather descriptions get used around here frequently and they always make me smile when I hear them.

Scorch a brown dog....when its very hot.
Black as a dogs guts..... when it is very dark
 
Mar 10, 2009
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From the late American singer of "Sixteen Tons"/songwriter/sometime humorist, Tennessee Ernie Ford:

Nervous as a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs.