Lance Armstrong jokes

[Merckx index]

I’m a little astonished there aren’t many floating around on the internet, and no very good ones that I’ve come across. Surely his legacy won’t be complete until he inspires them?

Q: What is the most positive thing you can say about LA?
A: Probably his blood.

Q: How was LA able to pass hundreds of tests?
A: By ignoring calls from the tent, and just moving on.

Q: Didn’t LA do a lot of good for a lot of people?
A: Yes, he distributed PEDS to more teammates than any other rider.

Q: How much is LA currently worth?
A: It depends. Do you mean on the black market, or over the internet?

Q: Wouldn’t LA have won on a level playing field?
A: Yes, if the field had no hills, and numerous opportunities for taking short cuts.

Q: Name one race LA won without the use of PEDs.
A: Stage 16, 1995 Tour de France. Ridden in honor of deceased rider Fabio Casartelli, the peloton allowed LA and Casartelli’s other teammates to cross the line first.

Q: Was it impossible for a rider to say anything bad about doping while LA was riding?
A: Not at all. Information on the drawbacks of any particular substance or procedure was always welcome.

 

[Zam_Olyas]

Lance Armstrong won 7 tour de France.

 

[arjanh]

Lance Armstrong won 7 tour de France.

He won 7 times the Tour de Farce.

 

[Fortyninefourteen]

Maybe a Gilbert Gottfried version of "the Aristocrats" adapted to LA, JB, Motoman, Sally, and Suzanne.....

 

[Aleajactaest]

I love a good joke and I can joke about anything.

e.g. After the Columbia accident.

Q: what does NASA stand for?

A: Need another seven astronauts.

Q What did Christa MacAuliffe say to her husband when she left for the trip?

A You feed the dog, I'll feed the fish.

--------------------------------------------

Sadly, none of LA jokes are remotely funny.

 

[Fortyninefourteen]

Lance's career went down faster and harder than an intern during the Clinton administration.

 

[Zweistein]

Sadly, none of LA jokes are remotely funny.

I'm sorry you believed in miracles

 

[Athame]

I’m a little astonished there aren’t many floating around on the internet, and no very good ones that I’ve come across. Surely his legacy won’t be complete until he inspires them?

Q: What is the most positive thing you can say about LA?
A: Probably his blood.

Q: How was LA able to pass hundreds of tests?
A: By ignoring calls from the tent, and just moving on.

Q: Didn’t LA do a lot of good for a lot of people?
A: Yes, he distributed PEDS to more teammates than any other rider.

Q: How much is LA currently worth?
A: It depends. Do you mean on the black market, or over the internet?

Q: Wouldn’t LA have won on a level playing field?
A: Yes, if the field had no hills, and numerous opportunities for taking short cuts.

Q: Name one race LA won without the use of PEDs.
A: Stage 16, 1995 Tour de France. Ridden in honor of deceased rider Fabio Casartelli, the peloton allowed LA and Casartelli’s other teammates to cross the line first.

Q: Was it impossible for a rider to say anything bad about doping while LA was riding?
A: Not at all. Information on the drawbacks of any particular substance or procedure was always welcome.

____________________ all too true, I haven't read or heard a good one yet either

Maybe one one that starts out like this: LA, a rabbi and a priest walk into a bar.....................

 

[Aleajactaest]

I'm sorry you believed in miracles

I honestly believe you can laugh about anything. For me, laughing about sad/bad situations is part of my coping mechanism. There must be some funny LA jokes out there ( aside from the obvious stuff like "he is a joke") but I haven't seen them yet.

Some topics get joked about instantly. Some others, ( e.g. 9/11) never do.

 

[mountainrman]

Try...
Q What is the difference between NASA and a monastery?
A A monastery teaches friars...

And no I agree - I don't find anything to do with LA remotely funny..
I suppose we could modify a NASA joke?

What do both NASA and LA drink?
7 Up!

 

[Netserk]

I honestly believe you can laugh about anything. For me, laughing about sad/bad situations is part of my coping mechanism. There must be some funny LA jokes out there ( aside from the obvious stuff like "he is a joke") but I haven't seen them yet.

Some topics get joked about instantly. Some others, ( e.g. 9/11) never do.

I once got a 3-day ban with no previous warning or misstep for an indirect 9/11 joke...

 

[will10]

I’m a little astonished there aren’t many floating around on the internet, and no very good ones that I’ve come across. Surely his legacy won’t be complete until he inspires them?

Q: What is the most positive thing you can say about LA?
A: Probably his blood.

Q: How was LA able to pass hundreds of tests?
A: By ignoring calls from the tent, and just moving on.

Q: Didn’t LA do a lot of good for a lot of people?
A: Yes, he distributed PEDS to more teammates than any other rider.

Q: How much is LA currently worth?
A: It depends. Do you mean on the black market, or over the internet?

Q: Wouldn’t LA have won on a level playing field?
A: Yes, if the field had no hills, and numerous opportunities for taking short cuts.

Q: Name one race LA won without the use of PEDs.
A: Stage 16, 1995 Tour de France. Ridden in honor of deceased rider Fabio Casartelli, the peloton allowed LA and Casartelli’s other teammates to cross the line first.

Q: Was it impossible for a rider to say anything bad about doping while LA was riding?
A: Not at all. Information on the drawbacks of any particular substance or procedure was always welcome.

Are you the anti-joke cat on twitter?

 

[silverrocket]

I once got a 3-day ban with no previous warning or misstep for an indirect 9/11 joke...

9-11 jokes are probably only off limits in the USA.

Lance jokes probably off limits only in Austin, or perhaps only in Lance's house.

Q: why did the chicken cross the road?
A: he was with Lance Armstrong and they were both trying to avoid the drug testers.

 

[Velodude]

Lance Armstrong joke on twitter with apologies to the late Neil Armstrong.

 

[Velodude]

Another tweet on Lancelot

 

[Athame]

I honestly believe you can laugh about anything. For me, laughing about sad/bad situations is part of my coping mechanism. There must be some funny LA jokes out there ( aside from the obvious stuff like "he is a joke") but I haven't seen them yet.

Some topics get joked about instantly. Some others, ( e.g. 9/11) never do.

You're probably right. Speaking philosophically, it may very well be the case
that any joke, by definition, is funny. That doesn't mean it's not in very bad
taste.


______________ that ET reference was FUNNY!!!!!

 

[Velodude]

David Letterman Show - Top Ten List - Lance Armstrong

Top Ten Signs Lance Armstrong Is Getting Cocky - July 22, 2004

10. Race starts at 9, Lance rolls out of bed around noon
9. Has already figured out that the trophy can hold a 3-gallon margarita
8. He eats frosting by the fistful
7. For the last leg, he rode one of those crazy 1920s bikes with the big front wheel
6. Deliberately crashing into things to get more air time on sportscenter
5. Making a couple extra bucks delivering pizzas during the race
4. After the starter pistol is fired, he hangs around hitting on french babes
3. Turns to the other riders and says, "oooh, I'm sooooo scared"
2. Instead of training, spent last 2 months pimping his bike
1. Has started selling ad space on his a.s.s

Scope for a 2012 update?

Like -

Flees Austin, Tx from the local gigantic international sporting spectacle, US Formula 1 event, to hide in a dug out canoe in Hawaii.

 

[Descender]

Went through the entire thread without cracking a laugh.

 

[Aleajactaest]

What do both NASA and LA drink?
7 Up!

No, that would be why do Nasa and LA drink coke?

Cause they can't get 7 up.... ( unless you watch Lance's twitter feed).

 

[Parrulo]

I honestly believe you can laugh about anything. For me, laughing about sad/bad situations is part of my coping mechanism. There must be some funny LA jokes out there ( aside from the obvious stuff like "he is a joke") but I haven't seen them yet.

Some topics get joked about instantly. Some others, ( e.g. 9/11) never do.

hmmm not really, stuff like this:

has been around the internet for a while and some of the stuff is actually pretty funny. i remember here in portugal there were jokes about 9/11 going around on the very next day. there are thousands of jokes about the holocausts so why would 9/11 be any different.

anyway now that you mention it, i do find the lack of lance armstrong jokes around the internet rather disturbing.

well googled "lance armstrong meme" you find plenty of stuff. this one was particularly funny:

 

[Moose McKnuckles]

I don't always know what humor is, but this thread reminds me of what it isn't.

 

[WinterRider]

I don't always know what humor is, but this thread reminds me of what it isn't.

The twice as many testicles baby made me giggle, the rest of it was pretty bad.

I assume this is because all the posters here spend their evenings posting here instead of watching Conan or some local equivalent to hear the good jokes.

The top ten list, though mildly amusing, did not make me smile.

 

[Le Baroudeur]

there few cartoons that are mildly witty

Some humour at the expense of Armstrong and the twiterati.

And more due to the Niel Lance mixup.

 

[Le Baroudeur]

This one is clever

And last but not least a couple more regarding stripping results.

 

[workingclasshero]

I’m a little astonished there aren’t many floating around on the internet, and no very good ones that I’ve come across. Surely his legacy won’t be complete until he inspires them?

Q: What is the most positive thing you can say about LA?
A: Probably his blood.

Q: How was LA able to pass hundreds of tests?
A: By ignoring calls from the tent, and just moving on.

Q: Didn’t LA do a lot of good for a lot of people?
A: Yes, he distributed PEDS to more teammates than any other rider.

Q: How much is LA currently worth?
A: It depends. Do you mean on the black market, or over the internet?

Q: Wouldn’t LA have won on a level playing field?
A: Yes, if the field had no hills, and numerous opportunities for taking short cuts.

Q: Name one race LA won without the use of PEDs.
A: Stage 16, 1995 Tour de France. Ridden in honor of deceased rider Fabio Casartelli, the peloton allowed LA and Casartelli’s other teammates to cross the line first.

Q: Was it impossible for a rider to say anything bad about doping while LA was riding?
A: Not at all. Information on the drawbacks of any particular substance or procedure was always welcome.

I honestly can't spot what's supposed to be funny in the last few Q&A's, they're just factual information?