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Lance Song Parody

Oct 28, 2012
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My apologies to Allan Sherman and the "Camp Grenada" song

(USADA is pronounced “You-sadda”)

Hello muddah, hello faddah
I’m getting hassled, by USADA
Travis Tygart, is irritating
I’d have lots more fun if they’d all stop complaining

I went biking with my friend Hein-e
Plus super Phil that looney Limey
And Contador sent beef for dinner
No matter what, to them they said I am a winner

All the journalists hate the dopers
And the blogs are full of mopers
And my old coach is getting busted
But without doping I would have gotten dusted.

I don’t dope, so screw you WADA
I don’t dope, f*** off USADA
I don’t care, what my teammates say
They’re broke while I am getting paid
Read my lips, I promise I did not dope
Bruyneel stays mum I really hope
Oh please don’t make me say
“I doped every f***ing day”

So I guess Greg is now a hero
And the whole world thinks I’m a zero
But I have still got lots of money
Gonna flash some coin and get a hot young honey

Wait a minute what is that noise ?
Just remaining saddened fan boys
Forgive the dopers even Chris Horner
I think I’ll go sulk in the corner

Funny ? Not Funny ?