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You might be a hipster....

Mar 13, 2009
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1) if you ride a fixed gear (obviously), who would ever want or need to change gears

2) if you color coordinate everything on your bike from the rims down to the chain

3) if you opt for thick rimmed glasses instead of Oakley or Briko eyewear

4) if you wear women's jeans (as a man) and roll up both pant legs right above the calf bulge

5) if you insist your bike must be retro, anything frame after 1990 is most definitely off limits, and of course vintage parts is also a must

6) if you scoff at people with breaks on their bikes, because gunning through red lights, narrowly missing traffic in the process, is so much cooler than obeying traffic rules like we are supposed to

7) if you use your spd cleats as a beer bottle opener

8) if you don't need to use your spd cleats as a beer bottle opener, because all you drink is canned PBR
 
May 9, 2009
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nvpacchi said:
1) if you ride a fixed gear (obviously), who would ever want or need to change gears

2) if you color coordinate everything on your bike from the rims down to the chain

3) if you opt for thick rimmed glasses instead of Oakley or Briko eyewear

4) if you wear women's jeans (as a man) and roll up both pant legs right above the calf bulge

5) if you insist your bike must be retro, anything frame before 1990 is most definitely off limits, and of course vintage parts is also a must

6) if you scoff at people with breaks on their bikes, because gunning through red lights, narrowly missing traffic in the process, is so much cooler than obeying traffic rules like we are supposed to

7) if you use your spd cleats as a beer bottle opener

8) if you don't need to use your spd cleats as a beer bottle opener, because all you drink is canned PBR


I'm 1/8th hipster.


But only when riding home from the liquor store.
 
May 13, 2009
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Haha! great list, and pretty damn accurate. I would only add something about having a silly uneven beard, and listening to poorly produced electronic music.
 
Mar 13, 2009
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amp300 said:
Haha! great list, and pretty damn accurate. I would only add something about having a silly uneven beard, and listening to poorly produced electronic music.

As long as its a local artist. Once the artist sells out and signs a "big" record deal hipsters across the globe agree that the artist must be shunned.
 
May 13, 2009
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nvpacchi said:
As long as its a local artist. Once the artist sells out and signs a "big" record deal hipsters across the globe agree that the artist must be shunned.

Haha! Very true! Good clarification.
 
nvpacchi said:
1) if you ride a fixed gear (obviously), who would ever want or need to change gears

2) if you color coordinate everything on your bike from the rims down to the chain

3) if you opt for thick rimmed glasses instead of Oakley or Briko eyewear

4) if you wear women's jeans (as a man) and roll up both pant legs right above the calf bulge

5) if you insist your bike must be retro, anything frame before 1990 is most definitely off limits, and of course vintage parts is also a must

6) if you scoff at people with breaks on their bikes, because gunning through red lights, narrowly missing traffic in the process, is so much cooler than obeying traffic rules like we are supposed to

7) if you use your spd cleats as a beer bottle opener

8) if you don't need to use your spd cleats as a beer bottle opener, because all you drink is canned PBR

I would add #9: if you always know where Critical mass is going to start their ride and show up with your fixie from #1, thick rimmed glasses from #3 and the tight low rise pants from #4 and pretend to know why they ride anyway.
 
Jul 3, 2010
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If you get offended by what BikeSnobNYC says.
If you've seen your picture on http://www.latfh.com
If you say you ride your bike to help the earth and buy more beer.
If you enjoy the early 90's neon kits.
If you particapte in the stupid "if you rode a bike you'd be there by now" freeway ride in downtown la.
If use the word "colab" or "drop"
If you shop at american apperal for clothes you saw at goodwill
If your ideal cycling vaction is going to hyde park in san francisco
 
Mar 13, 2009
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shawnrohrbach said:
I would add #9: if you always know where Critical mass is going to start their ride and show up with your fixie from #1, thick rimmed glasses from #3 and the tight low rise pants from #4 and pretend to know why they ride anyway.

If you get offended by what BikeSnobNYC says.
If you've seen your picture on http://www.latfh.com
If you say you ride your bike to help the earth and buy more beer.
If you enjoy the early 90's neon kits.
If you particapte in the stupid "if you rode a bike you'd be there by now" freeway ride in downtown la.
If use the word "colab" or "drop"
If you shop at american apperal for clothes you saw at goodwill
If your ideal cycling vaction is going to hyde park in san francisco

All marvelous additions. latfh.com is the funniest and strangest website I have run across.

Does my track bike count???

Track bikes ridden on the track are perfectly acceptable.

New ones:

if you fail to recognize Mario Cipollini is the only one who can look good whilst riding and smoking a cigarette.

if you adore your Campagnolo cycling cap, but have no idea what Campagnolo is

if you say "why use dropped handlebars? Instead I'll insert a narrow bar, allowing my hands to be as close to the stem as possible. Now I can showoff my bike handling skills, especially my track stand, in front of 5 enraged cars."
 
Mar 13, 2009
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Your Chain runs from your ear to your nose...
Your tattoos are specifically placed to be highlighted on the bike, it is a regulation that females will have one between their jeans and top that is exposed when on the bike
IF you wear a helmet (due to the law - although it is still only 50/50) it is a lip service that has no relationship to effectiveness or appropriateness. You may consider, military surplus, horse riding, skate boarding, retro motorcycle but NEVER cycling specific, unless it is the 70's style race helmet
 
May 9, 2009
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nvpacchi said:
if you fail to recognize Mario Cipollini is the only who can look good whist riding and smoking a cigarette.

Well, him and these guys:

tumblr_kx9k0siFNp1qb20c9.jpg
 
Jul 3, 2010
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You might be a hipster if you wear Toms shoes.

If ever watched Mash SF or Macmaframa.

If you match your underwear to my bike "Colorway" because you gotta look good all the time even when your undies are hangin out of your jeans.

If you refer to cycling as hipster nascar.

If you made a theme for your bike.(I.e red frame blue chain blue deep vs and called it a spiderman or superman bike).

If you ever took you "track" bike with vertical drops to the velodrome and got laughed at.

If you bought a chrome messanger bag.

If you swear that Leader frames and front areospokes are perfect for "bombin hills"

If you have a terrible euro style moustache
 
Jun 19, 2009
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shawnrohrbach said:
I would add #9: if you always know where Critical mass is going to start their ride and show up with your fixie from #1, thick rimmed glasses from #3 and the tight low rise pants from #4 and pretend to know why they ride anyway.

And try to pick up the first girl that has more tatoos than you. You won't be able too; even when claiming bisexuality.
 
Jul 3, 2010
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Oldman said:
And try to pick up the first girl that has more tatoos than you.

Uhhhohhhhh Oldman Youre dancing that line. You know about that fast girl with the tattoos.

Mav I would hope the rule would apply to men only but with these hipster girls growing pit hair now you never know
 
May 9, 2009
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nvpacchi said:

w...t...f...

that guy more than likely lives on the beach and those are the only clothes he owns. found the bike after some punk kids rode it off the pier for their 'Jackass' video. his poetry: rub-a-dub-dub... it reveals his soul just enough to change the world.


p.s. -- nice tattoo, douchey.

:D


p.p.s. -- get a belt and a pair of grown-up sized pants!
 
Jul 29, 2010
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You might be a hipster if:

You don't know the origin of the "track stand" -- and you sure as hell can't do one...but that doesn't keep you from trying your hardest (at every light you don't blow through).
 
Jun 19, 2009
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Steel4Ever said:
w...t...f...

that guy more than likely lives on the beach and those are the only clothes he owns. found the bike after some punk kids rode it off the pier for their 'Jackass' video. his poetry: rub-a-dub-dub... it reveals his soul just enough to change the world.


p.s. -- nice tattoo, douchey.

:D


p.p.s. -- get a belt and a pair of grown-up sized pants!

No-he bought all of that in the downtown Seattle Nordstrom store. His poetry was copied off of the parking garage walls, the silly little plagerist.
(Actually I don't know about the poetry but a poseur is a poseur is a poseur).
 
May 9, 2009
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a j.k. quote:

"If I could have it my way, I think I’d like to build some sort of artist retreat in the woods, or in a burnt-out city like Detroit, where I could read and write and play music with a bunch of wild men and women."

Oh dear.

Guess yer don't gotsta worry 'bout no food or med'sin when ya gots yerself a hippie jamboree!

Some people take themselves (and their product) too seriously.


p.s. -- you might be a hipster if you are all style and no substance.
 
Jul 17, 2009
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nvpacchi said:
1) if you ride a fixed gear (obviously), who would ever want or need to change gears

2) if you color coordinate everything on your bike from the rims down to the chain

3) if you opt for thick rimmed glasses instead of Oakley or Briko eyewear

4) if you wear women's jeans (as a man) and roll up both pant legs right above the calf bulge

5) if you insist your bike must be retro, anything frame after 1990 is most definitely off limits, and of course vintage parts is also a must

6) if you scoff at people with breaks on their bikes, because gunning through red lights, narrowly missing traffic in the process, is so much cooler than obeying traffic rules like we are supposed to

7) if you use your spd cleats as a beer bottle opener

8) if you don't need to use your spd cleats as a beer bottle opener, because all you drink is canned PBR

Hipster accounted for here! I guess

except I track stand rather than run lights and I wear a helmet

uber blinging out a retro bike is a fun time for me anyway

My next project is a Gianna Motta all Italian sans Campy.....

sweetness
 
Jul 27, 2010
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This is a great thread....and that website is genius....pure unadulterated genius.

for my tuppence worth....I do ride fixed....less to go wrong/ have to repair....I live in london....great for my legs....no hills to speak of....I am sure you have heard it all before....so I won't continue other than to say I really do it because I love it. And yes I occasionally do look at myself as I pass in shop windows and think, "mmm, not bad"

And yes I do look at some old track frames and come over a bit funny....but then I also have woken up tumescent after dreaming that Vicky Pendleton was riding my S1 naked (I would never wipe down that saddle again).


I would add to the list:

If you have ever used a cut out one litre plastic bottle as a rear mudguard

If you wear a climbing cap with a little tuft of hair exposed at the front

If you have ever ridden past the duke of york's pub in clerkenwell road on a friday evening and pulled a skid to try and impress anyone

If you body shakes and you sweat while trying to track stand....actually just track standing full stop. I don't do it (other than on a track)....cos it is just easier not to.

If you have ever....EVER....sculpted your facial hair in any other way other than totally removing it. And that includes you George Michael.

If you think you live in Hackney cos it's cheap
 
Mar 13, 2009
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Steel4Ever said:
Where do Oakley gascan/fuelcell specks fall?
I'd dig a pair of them rims!

As long as they're not prescription (with that in mind it seems that 75% of hipsters have poor vision)

@ Boeing, you certainly don't sound like a hipster. That fact that you know what Campy is proves it (among other things I'm sure)
 
Feb 20, 2011
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nvpacchi said:
1) if you ride a fixed gear (obviously), who would ever want or need to change gears

Have to disagree with this one I'm afraid. As I former racer (25 years ago), now 51, still ride hard but man, after years of mtn biking and no road racing, the spin was more like a rounded square. Bought a surly steamroller (48x16 fixie) just for commuting to work and now I'm hooked. Fun as hell to ride, and I haven't been this smooth on a bike in ages. I DO have the cyclo-cross style brake levers on it though, and damn glad for it.

Wear lycra when I ride it though, so get ZERO points from the hipsters, and ZERO from the road racers for the bike. A guy can't win. ;)
 

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