Stage 1: DE GENDT - It looks like a bunch sprint, but with a little bit of hills there will be a lot of guys who fancy their chances of taking yellow.
Stage 2: BARGUIL - Could be a climbers sprint where none of the climbers actually want to win. Someone French will take it with a late attack. I've gone with WaWa.
Stage 3: EWAN - Sprinters' revenge, Lotto get their second win.
Stage 4: BARGUIL - WaWa gets his second, the French get excited.
Stage 5: BENNETT (OF THE SAM VARIETY) - Easy enough day for the sprinters.
Stage 6: PINOT - This will only end in tears.
Stage 7: EWAN - Lotto again.
Stage 8: ROGLIC - The big favourite chooses this stage to lay down the marker.
Stage 9: DAN MARTIN - None of the big boys want to contest the stage and so it's handed over to the breakaway.
Stage 10: ROSETTO - It's 2020 baby.
Stage 11: SAM BENNETT - Sprinters successfully sprint.
Stage 12: SAGAN - The pure sprinters can't match the Sag-Sag Man.
Stage 13: ROGLIC - Jumbo begin sucking all life out of the race.
Stage 14: ALAPHILIPPE - Climbers' sprint, the best of which are focused on tomorrow.
Stage 15: PINOT - Not much happens until the final few km. Comes down to a three man sprint.
Stage 16: BARDET - The Frenchman is best of the break. France make it three in a row.
Stage 17: DUMOULIN - Pinot drops Roglic, Major Tom drops them both.
Stage 18: QUINTANA - Last ditch attempt to gain time before the TT.
Stage 19: ABSOLUTELY NO ONE CARES - Seriously.
Stage 20: DUMOULIN: Major Tom breaks French and Slovenian hearts. First man since Cadel to take yellow on the final day...
Stage 21: PINOT: Desperate to shake off his loveable loser tag, Thibaut attacks right as the Champagne is poured. He holds the gap all the way to the line. Joy for cycling fans globally. (Sorry Tom).
As you can see, I provided a running commentary in case my dreadful predictions weren't sufficiently entertaining. As you can also see, the font went a bit haywire on me towards the end, so all my predictions ended up as bold predictions.