Carlton Kirby thread 2014.

[The Hitch]

Well the season is now back into full throttle, and unexplainably, the one thing that makes less sense than a 42 year old winning a gt, has happened.- Cartlon Kirby the one man who can make an phil ligget look like someone who knows what a bicycle is, is once again the main commentator for British Eurosport.

This despite being as tragically underqualified for a cycling commentator job as Pat Mcquaid would be in a UCI President role.

Many of us are already searching for alternative cycling sources. In the meantime, here is a place to put some of the remarkably stupid and ignorant comments he makes over the year.

Began earlier today with a variation of Kirby's signature move - calling out the name of a teams designated sprinter (the only rider he knows on that team), when a rider from that team attacks uphill.

Variation because today he did it for the leadout man

I watched the Catalunya replay on Eurosport and that's the first and last time I'll listen to Kirby this year. He is bafflingly ignorant.

How is it possible that that he thought Mezgec was sprinting with 1km to go? Forget about rider identification, basic common sense should be enough to work out that it wasn't him.

 

[woodenswan]

he had an incredibly long, extended soup metaphor (yes, soup) going during a Paris - Nice stage.. he really struggled to find his way out of that one..

and then there was that time during the 2nd stage of Catalunya when he started to talk about how much a Katusha rider's face (Belkov i believe?) resembles Vladimir Putin's.. and how that's not exactly good these days..

many "shut uuuuuuuup Carlton!/**** off Carlton" outcries on my part

 

[Netserk]

The first thing I think of when I hear him is "shut up, shut up, shut up!"

 

[Pricey_sky]

This could all be avoided if ES bring back Dave Harmon! Straight away that would be all the big WT races taken care of with him and Kelly.

 

[gunara]

He just loves to make viewers and his partner feel awkward with those lengthy stories of no significance, thinly veiled dislikes on some persons, repeatedly mentioning chances of a rider and his best known trait that nobody hasn't known about when there are CLEARLY at least 5 others riders with bigger chances in sprint stages, and constant misidentifying, I don't know why he do all those, he must know it's not nice, he's merciless.

 

[Ryo Hazuki]

I only (have to) listen to him in occasional non dutch streams and he's terrible. I shut off the sound in catalunya stage after eh called clement a favorite as he is fast and punchy

 

[Ryo Hazuki]

This could all be avoided if ES bring back Dave Harmon! Straight away that would be all the big WT races taken care of with him and Kelly.

they are just as terrible.

 

[Arredondo]

From the ES commentators, I like Brian Smith. He's quite good, and instead of Kirby, he knows something about cycling. Backstedt is OK too.

Good for me that i can watch Sporza though, just drop Wuyts and it will be even better.

 

[Carols]

I rank him right there with Phil Ligget....in other words Mute time Thankfully in the US Universal has Catalunya so I get GoGo. I love GoGo

 

[The Hitch]

From the ES commentators, I like Brian Smith. He's quite good, and instead of Kirby, he knows something about cycling. Backstedt is OK too.

.

I liked Brian Smith at first but with ****ers like him, as you get to know them you see their dark side.

He was a massive Lance defender, attacking USADA and anyone who dared go after Lance, calling LA confendential a comic book. What a disgraceful response.

And its not like he was consistent either. Contador he wanted banned for life, while spouting all the usual Lance talking lies about witnesses getting paid off etc.

Of course after lance lost his titles, like a rat fleeing a sinking ship out he came crying about how he always knew Armstrong doped and always wanted Armstrong to get caught.

People like that should be banned from cycling. Armstrong himself is a better representative of cycling than vermin like that.

 

[RedheadDane]

Is that guy for real?
I haven't actually heard him (no regrets) but from your reports he seems right horrible.

The first thing I think of when I hear him is "shut up, shut up, shut up!"

Why do you listen to English commentating?

 

[Vino attacks everyone]

Oh well I like Kirby. on a flat stage you need a bit of surrealist entertainment.

 

[scholar]

Kirby's signature move - calling out the name of a teams designated sprinter (the only rider he knows on that team), when a rider from that team attacks uphill.

Variation because today he did it for the leadout man

To be fair, Quigley's just as bad. See the end of stage 3 of T-A, where he didn't seem able to comprehend that there might be a possibility thast OPQS were riding for anyone other than Cavendish.

 

[wirral]

Carlton is a superb commentator. He needs to practise his rider recognition to move up to the next level.

 

[Cyivel]

Currently just ahead of Wayne Mardle in my list of worst sports commentators.

 

[oldcrank]

From last year: "If you're hanging on by the skin of your teeth,
don't open your mouth!"

I'm not sure if that is a Kirby original, but it was still pretty
good patter, I thought. I've since used it a couple of times
myself, but I deliver it in a (bad) Glasgow accent.

 

[ILovecycling]

Oh well I like Kirby. on a flat stage you need a bit of surrealist entertainment.

ROFL!

Anyway,I dont watch english streams anymore.Its sad,as english is my best language I speak.Fortunatelly I can watch spanish and italian streams too.Man, I better watch flemish or dutch (which i believe is a really weird language,sorry dutch guys) streams than english,and I can only translate riders names and kop van den strijd or how it is written .
I believe that sporza commentators are the best in recognizing riders,which is very important in bad weather conditions

 

[Netserk]

Why do you listen to English commentating?

Sometimes. When I can watch races on TV2, I do that, but they hardly cover everything

For all other races, it depends on which streams that are available. Despite the fact that I don't understand a single word of Dutch, I often prefer Sporza over British Eurosport

 

[RiccoDinko]

Carlton is a tool. Can never get the last K right, 2k to go! NO Carlton, they're inside the last K.

 

[RedheadDane]

Sometimes. When I can watch races on TV2, I do that, but they hardly cover everything

For all other races, it depends on which streams that are available. Despite the fact that I don't understand a single word of Dutch, I often prefer Sporza over British Eurosport

Aaah. I see.
Guess those British Eurosport guys must be really horrible, you aren't the first one I've seen mention that they prefer a language they don't speak over the guys from Brit ES...

 

[pastronef]

the best one for Eurosport was David Duffield. but I think he's retired. I don't know how old is he?

 

[roundabout]

Born in 1931, I think.

 

[Mellow Velo]

Jeez, If he said "The Jensie" once today, he said it fifty times and once, was too much.
Rolland the big engine, but not Stef Clement?
Should be calling OAP's bingo, not cycle races.

 

[arvc40]

Kirby is a ****ing clown !!!!

 

[williamp78]

Whats happened to dave harmon?

And Rob Hatch isn't a bad commentator whenever he's on. Good twitter feed too!

Sadly I dont get to watch as much as I'd like