Obvious troll story, but a good issue to raise regardless.
I've had several first hand accounts of a (legal) supplement to change a rider, and especially his results, around.
One guy who was never was able to even make it to the final in a crit, takes this supplement (beta-alanine), and manages to hang on, and then use his sprint power. Not after 3 years of racing, but a long, resultless career. There may well be a huge mental boost coming from that. This supplement enhanced sprint length, and mid-race recovery.
I know a lady racer who was never chubby, but dropped 10kg using a single supplement (calcium pyruvate) that really worked for her, although this meant usuing it for 6 months while advised was to use it only 3-4 weeks at a time. She went from an also-ran in national elite races with a good sprint, to someone who'd solo so hard and long that the legendary Van Moorsel was forced to lead the chase. Crits and duathlons were won.
A third supplement (CEE, see below) was tried by a master triathlete, with many years of mediocre results. He'd never used any kind of supplements, let alone dope. Was about to retire as triathlete (so much for so little), but with the supplement, his results suddenly came, with medals and all. He decided to stick with the sport for a couple more years, just to enjoy this late roll he got on.
A fourth supplement (d-ribose) was used by a running couple in their 50's, in hope to recover quicker between runs, and enjoy the sport more often per week. It did half their recovery time, and they doubled their training volume accordingly. Their running speeds went up nicely, jogging became running again.
My own experiences with supplements have been less drastic, but then that's to be expected as I'm genetically quite gifted. Some things will definately help, and when I will take racing real serious again I'll come back to make good use of them. To have my body accept greater training volumes, attain higher strength, recover mid-race, and simply get more O2 in my blood per gasp of breath.
Supplements, if you all of them together, may not be able to beat the effects of well administered EPO or blood doping by itself, but they can change you drastically as a performance athlete. Especially if you're not born to be among the best of the best. Frustratingly though, you need to find what works for your body best. It may be a simple harmless additive that unlocks your potential, or it may be quite complicated. No doping doc to help you with this, just some rare specialists who can advise (and sell) you something to try. I am lucky enough to know one that is also approached by Olympic cyclists.
Latest hit supplement: Creatine Ethylester (CEE). I tried it leading up to some cross-country races (living in a country with little snow, and no ski culture). All I did, was test myself with push-ups. I improve my raps, which I'd already built up to 50+ over the course of months, to 60+ within a week. It works like creatine, but doesn't have you put on weight, plus it has some extra's. If you race and take yourself seriously, and consider supplements OK, you need to get in. Some highschool kids tested it double blind vs a placebo of taurine, and the performance increase they got from it in running tests was beyond anything ever gotten in a more scientific test. I just can't print the outcome, it was just off the charts, and more you're expect from even a 42%hc guy, epo'ing to 49.9%, and then blood doping with an extra pint of such blood. That big a gain. Again, I didn't get that huge a gain, but I did break all my recent track training run times, by many seconds. Moved up a groupette in my training group.
If this stuff works for you as it works for some others, moving up a cat may not be all that ambitious.
As I wrote on twitter recently:
Doping : Racers will talk about it among themselves and managers, trainers, but absolutely deny everything towards the rest of the world.
Supplements : Racers will openly show they stuf to the jury and anti-dopage with all the info they might want to have. Some vague hints towards fans and friends, but absolutely not a word about it towards fellow racers.
Think about it. There ARE pro riders out there on sophisticated supplements programs they've figured out themselves. Putting in serious time to get to that point, and not even considering taking the risk or moral implications of doping.