To people naive enough to think that negative tests show a clean athlete, or that nothing can be achieved by delaying a tester:
From the sprinter Dwain Chambers' book. He was getting his drugs from BALCO and Victor Conte. He only got busted because a rival sprinting coach sent the stuff to the governing body....reminds me of Lance and Mayo....
By the time I returned to England in April, however, the stomach cramps had caused me to miss three meetings. I was worried, but I continued with the programme.
I was sat at home massaging The Cream, which is the drugs masking agent, into my arms when the knock on the door came.
The Cream leaves a white residue, taking about an hour to disappear and smells a little bit like burnt almonds. I don’t remember a feeling of panic as I calmly walked to the door, but the residue on my arms was clearly visible as I was wearing a sleeveless vest top.
I opened the door and an official-looking man spoke His words chilled me to the bone. We walked into the lounge; the tube of THG lay on top of the television and the faint smell of almonds permeated the air.
He was a dour man, not too talkative and he did not leave my side until I had peed into his canister.
Victor had warned me about this first test. I thought I was ready. I thought I could be cool. Instead, I was sweating like a bull.
Eventually, I handed it over to him and stared at the canister like it was some radioactive substance.
He noticed my reaction and said: ‘Don’t worry, son, it’s only a little urine.’
The moment he left, I called Victor. ‘I’ve been tested,’ I blurted into the phone. I was on the point of tears.
‘I was rubbing The Cream in when he came to the door, it was on my fingers and could . . .’
Victor cut me off mid-sentence, relaxed me, told me it would be OK. I admitted I was taking THG and EPO and there was an uncomfortable silence at the end of the phone.
We checked dates and he said: ‘Dwain, you have been following the calendar day by day, haven’t you?’ I had.
I began breathing normally again. He berated me for answering the door to the tester and I apologised.
I had taken EPO nine times that month and yet opened the door to someone I had never seen before. That was stupid. There is an easy way around the system and one that is fool proof.
Quite simply, you hide.