I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
What makes you think she's a witch?
Well, she turned me into a newt!
A newt?
I got better.
Burn her anyway!
Old woman.
Man.
Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
I'm 37.
What?
I'm 37. I'm not old.
Well I can't just call you "man".
Well you could say "Dennis".
I didn't know you were called Dennis.
Well you didn't bother to find out did you?
I did say sorry about the "old woman", but from behind you looked...
What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior.
Well I am king.
Oh, king eh? Very nice. And how'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers. By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society.
I am your king.
Well I didn't vote for you.
You don't vote for kings.
Well how'd you become king then?
The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king.
Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
Excuse me. Are you the Judean People's Front?
F*** off! We're the People's Front of Judea.
I was hopping along, minding my own business, all of a sudden, up he comes, cures me! One minute I'm a leper with a trade, next minute my livelihood's gone. Not so much as a by-your-leave! "You're cured, mate." Bloody do-gooder.
STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! STOP IT! All right, no one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle. Even... and I want to make this absolutely clear... even if they do say, "Jehovah.
Don't call me fat, you f**king Jew!
Eric! Did you just say the "F" word?
Jew?
No, not Jew! He's talking about "f**k"! You can't say "f**k" in school, you f**king fat a**!
Kyle!
Why the f**k not?
Eric!
Dude, you just said "f**k" again!
Stanley!
[Muffled.] F**k.
Kenny!
What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody. F**k ****ety f**k f**k f**k.
How would you like to go see the school counselor?
How would you like to suck my balls?
What did you say?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Actually, what I said was...
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MY BALLS? MR. Garrison.
Holy s**t, dude.
General: Now each battalion has a specific code-name and mission. Battalion 5, raise your hands!
[All of the African-Americans raise their hands]
General: You will be the all important first defense wave, which we will call "Operation Human Shield".
Chef: Hey, wait a minute!
General: Now keep in mind, Operation Human Shield will suffer heavy losses. But don't lose your spirit, men! Stay until the bitter end. Battalion 14?
[The rest of the group, all Caucasian, raise their hands.]
General: Right, you are "Operation Get Behind The Darkies". You will follow Battalion 5 here, and try not to get killed for God's sake! Are there any questions, men?
[Chef raises his hand.]
General: Yes, soldier?
Chef: Haven't you heard of the Emancipation Proclamation?
General: I don't listen to hip-hop.
Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy f**king walrus-looking piece of s**t! Get the f**k off of my obstacle! Get the f**k down off of my obstacle! NOW! MOVE IT! Or I'm going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world! I will motivate you, Private Pyle, IF IT SHORT-DICKS EVERY CANNIBAL ON THE CONGO!
Do you think I'm cute, Private Pyle? Do you think I'm funny?
Sir, no, sir!
Then wipe that disgusting grin off your face.
Sir, yes, sir.
Well, any f**king time, sweetheart!
Sir, I'm trying, sir.
Private Pyle I'm gonna give you three seconds; exactly three-f**king-seconds to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-f**k you! ONE! TWO! THREE!
Sir, I can't help it, sir.
Bulls**t! Get on your knees scumbag!
Now choke yourself.
Goddamn it, with MY hand, numb-nuts!
Don't pull my f**king hand over there! I said choke yourself; now lean forward and choke yourself!
Are you through grinning?
Sir, yes, sir.
Bulls**t, I can't hear you!
Sir, yes, sir.
Bulls**t, I STILL can't hear you! Sound off like you've got a pair!
SIR, YES, SIR!
That's enough; get on your feet. Private Pyle you had best square your a** away and start sh**ting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely f**k you up!
Sir, yes, sir.
I have this as my ring tone, get some great looks out in public.
The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that, ****. He's gone.
How do you shoot the devil in the back? What if you miss?
What are they doing over there? They're filming something. They're filming midgets!
Ray...
Ray, come on. Let's go.
My **** let's go. They're filming midgets
Harry, let's face it. And I'm not being funny. I mean no disrespect, but you're a c**t. You're a c**t now, and you've always been a c**t. And the only thing that's going to change is that you're going to be an even bigger c**t. Maybe have some more c**t kids.
Leave my kids f**king out of it! What have they done? You f**king retract that bit about my c**t f**king kids!
I retract that bit about your c**t ****ing kids.
Insult my f**king kids? That's going overboard, mate!
I retracted it, didn't I?