Well.. i figured there should be one.. so here ya go.. people can use this instead of trolling.. 
shall i kick off with um....
Lance is the antichrist - discuss
shall i kick off with um....
Lance is the antichrist - discuss
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I saw this the other day and found it very funny.
Copied & pasted entirely from veloriders.co.uk author & thread by Pippa.
I AM BETTER THAN JESUS
Heres the proof:
Jesus was a pacifist. If I went out and hoofed Jesus in the stots he wouldnt be allowed to do anything about it. Therefore it is safe to assume I could have Jesus in a fight.
Jesus did not have a girlfriend and was probably a ****. I bone chicks all the time. Seriously. I really do mean ALL the time. Sometimes I accidently bone chicks without actually noticing. I'm so good at it that I can even bone chicks without them even noting it too - ask KJ, Madcow and Emma. When was the last time Jesus got his tail eh? (some of this might not actually be true)
Jesus was a carpenter. Loser! I work with money in an office with aircon and internet connection so I can post shyte up on web forums all day. There is totty in my office too and I get free muffins on a Wednesday and fish & chips on a Friday. Jesus was a carpenter. Nice.
Jesus lived in a warzone shanty town. I live in Fulham.
Jesus died when he was 33. I'm 39 and a bit and still not dead*. In your face Messiah!
Jesus wore sandals. Dork! I wear Cons. Enough said.
Jesus had long hair & dressed like a tramp. And probably smelled. I have a short back and sides, am a sharp dresser and smell nice.
Jesus did not have a 37 inch high definition LCD TV. I do. Sometimes I just stare at it for hours on end without even switching it on because it is just so awesome to behold. Also - I cant find the remote. I also have several Colnagos. Jesus didnt - he had a donkey.
Jesus was the son of God. Fair enough really - but I reckon my old dad could also be an omnipotent deity too if he really wanted. Thats if he gave up the foxhunting and 4wd's that is.
So thats it then - I am officially better than Jesus. I'm off out later on to see if I can walk on water - but in the meantime you knackers better start showing me more respect on here or I will burn your village down and send in biblical amounts of locusts or whatever sort of caper went down in the old testament. And while youre all down on your knees maybe you could all . . . er . . .
*except from the neck up.
Copied & pasted entirely from veloriders.co.uk author & thread by Pippa.
I AM BETTER THAN JESUS
Heres the proof:
Jesus was a pacifist. If I went out and hoofed Jesus in the stots he wouldnt be allowed to do anything about it. Therefore it is safe to assume I could have Jesus in a fight.
Jesus did not have a girlfriend and was probably a ****. I bone chicks all the time. Seriously. I really do mean ALL the time. Sometimes I accidently bone chicks without actually noticing. I'm so good at it that I can even bone chicks without them even noting it too - ask KJ, Madcow and Emma. When was the last time Jesus got his tail eh? (some of this might not actually be true)
Jesus was a carpenter. Loser! I work with money in an office with aircon and internet connection so I can post shyte up on web forums all day. There is totty in my office too and I get free muffins on a Wednesday and fish & chips on a Friday. Jesus was a carpenter. Nice.
Jesus lived in a warzone shanty town. I live in Fulham.
Jesus died when he was 33. I'm 39 and a bit and still not dead*. In your face Messiah!
Jesus wore sandals. Dork! I wear Cons. Enough said.
Jesus had long hair & dressed like a tramp. And probably smelled. I have a short back and sides, am a sharp dresser and smell nice.
Jesus did not have a 37 inch high definition LCD TV. I do. Sometimes I just stare at it for hours on end without even switching it on because it is just so awesome to behold. Also - I cant find the remote. I also have several Colnagos. Jesus didnt - he had a donkey.
Jesus was the son of God. Fair enough really - but I reckon my old dad could also be an omnipotent deity too if he really wanted. Thats if he gave up the foxhunting and 4wd's that is.
So thats it then - I am officially better than Jesus. I'm off out later on to see if I can walk on water - but in the meantime you knackers better start showing me more respect on here or I will burn your village down and send in biblical amounts of locusts or whatever sort of caper went down in the old testament. And while youre all down on your knees maybe you could all . . . er . . .
*except from the neck up.
Oh boy, this id your chance to bash lance all you want about anything and not be told to stop trolling and you start talking about religion
PuncturedTyre said:
Yeah. That's nice. Now say something like that about Muhammed and see what happens to you. Your pretty black head will look real pretty with no body attached. Those guys will come and take you from your air con office and they probably won't smell so nice either.
several points for any God fearing forum people.
i do not believe in the need to have a "higher being". In that i remain an Atheist.
It is my choice.
For other's who believe otherwise, that remains your personal choice.
This post " I AM BETTER THAN JESUS" i found to be very funny.
I was not the author, i stated as such, i simply cut and pasted it, because i found it funny.
If anyone was offended, then dont read it.
i do not believe in the need to have a "higher being". In that i remain an Atheist.
It is my choice.
For other's who believe otherwise, that remains your personal choice.
This post " I AM BETTER THAN JESUS" i found to be very funny.
I was not the author, i stated as such, i simply cut and pasted it, because i found it funny.
If anyone was offended, then dont read it.
This is going to be the best thread ever
too late to read it, ... Ingsve sharp!
I did like the part were he says that he does not live in a warzone, but in erm here comes....Fullham... I lived in Lebanon, and I must say, Beirut is a LOT nicer then many cities in the UK
Ok back on topic.
I just don't like the guy. Just like I don't like other people who I see in the streets. I don't feel like I like him. that's it! *felt good, this confession, almost cathartic*
Jan Jansen once sat at a table with him, I believe the occasion was the 100th TdF celebration, and he said: 'He just sat there, with a long face. The whole dinner! He didn't say a d@mn thing, nothing. Well that's when he lost all my resepect'
Here are some pictures, for the people do play darts or other types of target practicing
http://www.elizabethkreutz.com/
too late to read it, ... Ingsve sharp!
I did like the part were he says that he does not live in a warzone, but in erm here comes....Fullham... I lived in Lebanon, and I must say, Beirut is a LOT nicer then many cities in the UK
Ok back on topic.
I just don't like the guy. Just like I don't like other people who I see in the streets. I don't feel like I like him. that's it! *felt good, this confession, almost cathartic*
Jan Jansen once sat at a table with him, I believe the occasion was the 100th TdF celebration, and he said: 'He just sat there, with a long face. The whole dinner! He didn't say a d@mn thing, nothing. Well that's when he lost all my resepect'
Here are some pictures, for the people do play darts or other types of target practicing
http://www.elizabethkreutz.com/
watching the secret millionare the other night, the guy was in barrow, and having previously visitied romania during chowcheskuw (im not going to bother trying to spell it) said that barrow was grimmer..
franciep10 said:
theres just no pleasing some people is there...?
funny.. thats just what jesus said
"If there was God, I'd still have two balls"--Lance Armstrong
The Good:
He's intelligent, witty and an atheist.
Has amazing taste in music and art. Probably listens to more music than musicians themselves.
Had his bikes for the Giro painted by famous contemporary artists and they'll be the coolest looking bikes of all time.
Has probably done more and will do more for cancer than any other human being in history. An inspiration to millions suffering from the disease.
He wanted to take time away from the Tour to win the classics in 2005, but Discovery channel as a sponsor made sure as part of his contract that he had to race the Tour. He also wanted to beat the hour record and may still.
He's banged some of the best looking woman in Hollywood.
The Bad:
Ok, he doped. YOU WOULD TOO. Seriously, if you were in his shoes in the late 90's you would have doped as well, wouldn't you? So how can you judge the man? Now did he have to be such a **** enforcer of the omerta? Maybe not....Did he perhaps push doping along at a time when things may have changed? Perhaps..but doping still would have gone on without him.
He can be kind of an alpha male ***...
The Good:
He's intelligent, witty and an atheist.
Has amazing taste in music and art. Probably listens to more music than musicians themselves.
Had his bikes for the Giro painted by famous contemporary artists and they'll be the coolest looking bikes of all time.
Has probably done more and will do more for cancer than any other human being in history. An inspiration to millions suffering from the disease.
He wanted to take time away from the Tour to win the classics in 2005, but Discovery channel as a sponsor made sure as part of his contract that he had to race the Tour. He also wanted to beat the hour record and may still.
He's banged some of the best looking woman in Hollywood.
The Bad:
Ok, he doped. YOU WOULD TOO. Seriously, if you were in his shoes in the late 90's you would have doped as well, wouldn't you? So how can you judge the man? Now did he have to be such a **** enforcer of the omerta? Maybe not....Did he perhaps push doping along at a time when things may have changed? Perhaps..but doping still would have gone on without him.
He can be kind of an alpha male ***...
dimspace said:Well.. i figured there should be one.. so here ya go.. people can use this instead of trolling..
shall i kick off with um....
Lance is the antichrist - discuss
You have to respect the guy for his marketing qualities -you know the Twitter thing, the videos, even his other activities-. And he used to be the top guy in the Top Fuel category... but he's just too arrogant. What an ego!!! There's nothing spiritual about him: he's simply a selfish human being.
Juan Pelota said:
Kind of? The one constant throughout his entire cycling career from Jr. to now.
PuncturedTyre said:
I too am an athiest, and certainly am not offended.
I just found your 'story' patently un-funny. Constructing then mocking a convienient caricature of a Christian, reveals more about the mindset of the authors, and likely those that find it humorous, than about real christians.
You know, a parallel could be drawn to those consumed by their loathing of Lance.
For those of a sensitive nature, i REPEAT what was stated, from the OUTSET.
I DID NOT WRITE THIS - I SIMPLY CUT & PASTED THE POSTING FROM ANOTHER FORUM.
So, as much as i would like to think i was particularly sharp and witty enough to write such a HILARIOUS observation, unfortunately i did not.
Several Points :
1. I am now aware of what is mean't by the "Trolling" comment.
so for all those of a fragile easily offended nature, i sincerely apologise
for "going off the original we hate lance topic/tangent" .
2. Human nature, being what it is, generally (yep, i know, shouldnt assume
such generalistation, applies to all) has a sense of humour. In some
countries, and specific social groups, this may be frowned upon,
however I find that most cyclists, have that easy going mindset.
3. If i could think of a decent third point, i would write it.
Finally in conclusion, so that we remain on topic, ie LA - i admire the man for his work with the cancer community - outstanding.
Unfortunately, as a cyclist i find him a sly deceitful manipulative snivelling schit.
Purely my observations and experience, of course.
I DID NOT WRITE THIS - I SIMPLY CUT & PASTED THE POSTING FROM ANOTHER FORUM.
So, as much as i would like to think i was particularly sharp and witty enough to write such a HILARIOUS observation, unfortunately i did not.
Several Points :
1. I am now aware of what is mean't by the "Trolling" comment.
so for all those of a fragile easily offended nature, i sincerely apologise
for "going off the original we hate lance topic/tangent" .
2. Human nature, being what it is, generally (yep, i know, shouldnt assume
such generalistation, applies to all) has a sense of humour. In some
countries, and specific social groups, this may be frowned upon,
however I find that most cyclists, have that easy going mindset.
3. If i could think of a decent third point, i would write it.
Finally in conclusion, so that we remain on topic, ie LA - i admire the man for his work with the cancer community - outstanding.
Unfortunately, as a cyclist i find him a sly deceitful manipulative snivelling schit.
Purely my observations and experience, of course.
I appreciate Dimspace's effort here to let us all unleash a cathartic outpouring of anti-Lance vitriol, but it just isn't the same. The very essence of Lance-bashing is situational; it requires an emerging, real-life scenario; something that we can scrutinize and dissect in search of the evil hidden hand working behind the scenes. Americans may have an edge here; eight years of watching **** Cheney's White House has been good practice for deciphering the way things work on Planet Lance.
It all begins with some curious little news item-- something that just doesn't figure, like a mountainless Giro, or a national champion's team being excluded. One first examines this through the lens of logic-- but it never quite comes into focus. Then you put on your "Lance lenses", which have like a 2.25 magnifier for suspicion and cynicism, and voila-- it's all crystal clear! Strange scenarios-- like the coincidence of Lance, Levi, and Dr. Ferrari all winding up on Tenerife together before the Tour in 2005-- suddenly fit into a pattern that makes sense.
If these lenses only worked occasionally, you'd write it off as coincidence. But when it works almost every time, it's pretty hard to keep your head in the sand. I think it's much more fun to watch in amazement as the megalomania just keeps on growing, gobbling up the very sport of cycling as it metastasizes. Personally I hope it stays there, and doesn't venture into politics-- lest poor old Simeoni finds himself strapped to a waterboard in Gauntanamo!
It all begins with some curious little news item-- something that just doesn't figure, like a mountainless Giro, or a national champion's team being excluded. One first examines this through the lens of logic-- but it never quite comes into focus. Then you put on your "Lance lenses", which have like a 2.25 magnifier for suspicion and cynicism, and voila-- it's all crystal clear! Strange scenarios-- like the coincidence of Lance, Levi, and Dr. Ferrari all winding up on Tenerife together before the Tour in 2005-- suddenly fit into a pattern that makes sense.
If these lenses only worked occasionally, you'd write it off as coincidence. But when it works almost every time, it's pretty hard to keep your head in the sand. I think it's much more fun to watch in amazement as the megalomania just keeps on growing, gobbling up the very sport of cycling as it metastasizes. Personally I hope it stays there, and doesn't venture into politics-- lest poor old Simeoni finds himself strapped to a waterboard in Gauntanamo!
Juan Pelota said:
You're joking, right? Yet more egomanical stroking going on there.
I wish that he would just lie in a dark room and play with his Juan Pelota instead of subjecting us to his every whim and manipulation.
Juan Pelota said:
A. Don't you mean for "cancer awareness"? "Doing more for cancer" would seem to defeat the purpose of what he is trying to do.
B. Doing both is not unheard of but he was too fearful of it effecting his ability to win the Tour. For someone that seems to like challenges he sure shied away from that one and trying the Giro/Tour double. I would respect him more if he had tried to alter his program just for the sake of challenging himself.
C. Some were pretty good looking although that Olsen twin doesn't come close in my book. Now if you like skelatal adolescent looking women then she's likely your cup of tea.
Why do people hate Lance I know why I do because he's a successful *** that has achieved so much because of his suspected doping practices. but I want to know why he's hated more than any doper why is he hated more than any other, simple answer because he won alot and he was smug about it, but that doesn't mean he should be crucified.
P.S. believe in God but don't believe in religion
P.S. believe in God but don't believe in religion
PuncturedTyre said:
Religion was created to control people, however...
"Let He Who Is Without Sin Cast The First Stone" is a great metaphor
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