neither here nor there> snipped from the interweb and found it interesting
the price for lying
People lie so easily these days. There are overt lies, such as how old we are, how much money we make and where we were last night. Then there are the covert lies — lies of omission. For instance, when an executive tells his wife he will be travelling abroad on business but neglects to add the fact he is also visiting his mistress.
Then there are lies of implication – we know, in saying one thing, there is a whole series of implications our listener is likely to make based on their character and previous experience. Of course these do not count as lies in court of law, but they are no less misleading than the other two categories.
An example that comes to mind was when my friend Chris referred to his friend Lex, saying, “That boy, I worry about him. I do my best but I don’t know…”
The implication being that there is something wrong with Lex, and Chris is a really swell guy who cares about his friend. Of course in reality there is little wrong with Lex aside from his poor judgment in his choice of friends.
Living in a talk world as we do, the temptation to lie is great. First impressions count for so much, there is a huge incentive to embellish our self-representations. At the same time, the chances of being found out are usually relatively low. At a bar or at the club, it is very difficult for listeners to vet what we’re saying. This swings the risk- return payoff strongly towards lying and away from telling the truth. Furthermore, in our highly competitive world if we believe there is a very good chance the other person is less than honest, pure survival instinct impels us to follow suit.
This may come as a surprise, but the skilled liar is always more compelling than an honest man because the liar is expert at packaging their message in the most digestible way. A message which aligns itself perfectly with what we wish to believe, such as presenting negative facts about Muslims to a Christian fundamentalists crowd, is an easy sell, and vice versa. It is little wonder that psychologists have found a high correlation between skilled liars and popularity in schoolchildren. Now, leaders are selected on the basis of popularity; so those leaders chosen through a process of natural selection are the best liars among us.
One reason really good liars are so effective is that they are able to convince themselves what they’re saying is the gospel truth. A kind of self-hypnosis takes place that has a similarly entrancing effect on the listener.
The true liar, the Player, was born to lie – they cannot but lie, because for them there is no truth, there are no lies. They are like actors reading their lines. There is an absence of the internal tension most of us experience when we tell a lie that leaves telltale clues on our faces. They easily exchange one lie for another as an actor exchanges costume to play a new role. The lines are words and gestures designed to create an impression – nothing more.
What of the rest of us? What price do we pay when we lie? Having established that there is not likely to be any social penalty to pay for lying, is there no price to pay for lying our way through life?
The answer to this question very much depends upon whether you subscribe to the belief that there is an aspect of ourselves which transcends this life: a soul or essence we brought with us into this world and will take with us into the next. If we do believe this, then whatever returns might be gained from deceiving or manipulating another are far outweighed by the cost. The blemish of treachery is with us when we wake in the morning, and follows us into our dreams at night.
So, for most of us who have some connection to our essence, however sporadic or fleeting, when we lie we are giving away so much and getting so little in return.
Furthermore, one lie begets another. When we lie, we have to maintain the pretence, not just to the outside world, but to ourselves as well. We need to deny the lie. This is yet another lie. A single lie can spin off a multitude of lies that become so numerous, so dense, that finally the original lie becomes incidental, insignificant in relation to the mountain of lies it has spawned.
As time progresses, the weight of lies and our own denial increases, yet our perceived cost at coming clean grows even faster. Eventually, we reach a point of no return where no matter how great the cost, we will not unburden ourselves of our deceit. Sooner or later this load becomes simply too great and our aging bodies and minds succumb to it.
When the final curtain falls, the autopsy will describe death from cancer, heart failure or a list of other ailments. However in truth it will be the individual’s own lies which will be the real killer.
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