Carlton Kirby 'flamme rouge' doping speculation poll

How does Carlton Kirby prepare mentally to announce cycling races, entering the final 1000 meters ?

  • PCP

    Votes: 1 4.3%
  • Crack cocaine

    Votes: 11 47.8%
  • Flakka

    Votes: 1 4.3%
  • Methamphetamine

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • 'Roid Rage

    Votes: 1 4.3%
  • Bath Salts

    Votes: 1 4.3%
  • Pot Belge

    Votes: 3 13.0%
  • Pot of English tea (caffeine only)

    Votes: 3 13.0%
  • Kirby is 'cleans'

    Votes: 2 8.7%

  • Total voters
I voted Flakka, but I'm pretty sure Carlton uses a cocktail of Flakka, PCP, Meth, and Jimsonweed tea for his prep, capped off by a good snort of poppers right as the riders reach the final kilometer.
Hey, hey!
My man Carlton Kirby does not dabble in any drug other than the natural endorphins excreted when calling the end of a bike race.
Do not think otherwise.
He may have a few glasses of vino while filling dead air 100 km's from the finish, but his finishing call is the best.
Other opinions from the cycling world, weighing in on the Kirby controversy:

Antoine Vayer: "Everybody focuses on the doping when considering PED’s and very few look to the performance itself as a marker of doping. Decibel meters installed at the 200 meter mark have measured Kirby's shrieks at over 2 decibels per kilogram. This is astonishing given Kirby's 100+ kilogram body mass. Not normal"

Lance Armstrong: "It's Kirby's body, and he can do whatever he wants to it. He can push it. Study it. Tweak it. Listen to it. Everybody wants to know what Kirby's on. What is he on? Kirby's on his microphone, busting his voicebox six hours a day. What are you on?. The last thing I’ll say to the people who don’t believe in shrieking, the cynics and the skeptics: I'm sorry for you. I’m sorry that you can’t scream big. I'm sorry you don't believe in miracles."

Jonathan Vaughters: "Looking back on it all, I am sorry for my own decisions, and I deeply regret it. The guilt I felt led me to retire from screaming and start a professional cycling team where that choice was taken out of the equation through rigorous testing, and a cultural shift that emphasized screaming clean above identifying winners."

Raimondas Rumsas: "That wasn't Kirby you heard, it's my dog"
Thus far, 17/18 clinicians speculate that Kirby uses some kind of pharmaceutical assistance (94%) with the majority favoring inhalation by smoking as the route of administration

Fully half (9/18) suspect that flamme rouge is the code-name for the 'red flame' at the moment when Crackhead Kirby fires-up his crackpipe



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