Is Footon Unbeatable?

[Barrus]

Nope. I will take them seriously when they win something of importance. I mean, according to Wikipedia, they have a rider from the US named Jim Beam, and another from Australia named Johnnie Walker. I mean, they have a built in joke just existing. It only gets funnier as you expand.

I wonder, did they actively searched these people out, if so that would be even more hilarious. Now just add a Jack Daniels

 

[ilillillli]

No Vuelta stage by Cobo for you, no Tour Down Under stage, no Lorraine GC...

Clearly my research was inadequate, and I apologize for that. Though, to be fair, I just wikipedia-ed myself and discover that I've won no fewer than three stages of the Tour Down Under. I must have been totally blacked out or something. I guess these things just happen sometimes. Who knew?

 

[theyoungest]

I stand corrected. Rafael Valls did nail down 23rd overall at this year's Tour de Suisse. The Tour podium is essentially in the bank.

Check out Fabio Felline's results. I'm sure he won something or other this year.

 

[Cobblestones]

I wonder, did they actively searched these people out, if so that would be even more hilarious. Now just add a Jack Daniels

They do have an Italian Merlot.

 

[icefire]

Spain only looks like that in September, so if Guillén gets his wish of the Vuelta back in April again...

Not in the North. Their options are reduced in this year Vuelta too.

 

[Barrus]

They do have an Italian Merlot.

Why aren't they sponsored by a liquor company? Perhaps time to find a new sponsor?

 

[Anonymous]

Oops, sorry ilillillli, I broke the first rule of improv, never negate the premise. Del Close would be really pi$$ed off.

 

[ilillillli]

Oops, sorry ilillillli, I broke the first rule of improv, never negate the premise. Del Close would be really pi$$ed off.

Someone familiar with the rules of improv? Good man. With all due respect to Mr. Close, his rules were conceived in a world without internet message board pwnage. I believe you're in the clear

 

[Wallace]

Also, according to their Wikipedia page, they have a Crack Rockswell riding for the team, and also Jose Cuervo (unspecified as to whether gold or silver).

With bourbon, whiskey, tequila and crack already on the team, I think it's safe to say this is an entirely epo-free organization.

 

[Anonymous]

Wow, Jim Beam has already been dropped from the roster according to Wiki. I guess not making the Tour team must have really affected him. Being excluded would land many a rider on the rocks, so I am guessing that he is straight up pi$$ed.

 

[ilillillli]

Wow, Jim Beam has already been dropped from the roster according to Wiki. I guess not making the Tour team must have really affected him. Being excluded would land many a rider on the rocks, so I am guessing that he is straight up pi$$ed.

Tylenol Jones really needs a result. Excellent punnage, btw.

 

[Barrus]

Wow, Jim Beam has already been dropped from the roster according to Wiki. I guess not making the Tour team must have really affected him. Being excluded would land many a rider on the rocks, so I am guessing that he is straight up pi$$ed.

Well, it serves him right, he always gives me stomach problems

 

[Wallace]

And now they've got Tylenol Jones (ITA).

Sorry. Duplicate. Someone's having a lot of fun over at wikipedia.

 

[TheDude]

I'm almost hoping now that Footon wins every jersey there is and keeps it throughout the whole race, because their own kits are so *** ****** fugly.

Well, that, or they all crash out in the prologue.

I'm with you on that. Or everybody else will crash and their kits rip off on the pavement so that the entire race looks like Footon-Kitoff.

 

[ilillillli]

And now they've got Tylenol Jones (ITA).

Sorry. Duplicate. Someone's having a lot of fun over at wikipedia.

This is both hilarious and morally questionable. I suppose that in those ways, it's similar to Footon's decision to send this roster of 9 nobodies to the Tour.

 

[Squares]

This is both hilarious and morally questionable. I suppose that in those ways, it's similar to Footon's decision to send this roster of 9 nobodies to the Tour.

The real question is, with this apparent FU to ASO, what are the odds that they again get a spot in next years tour (assuming they still exist at the ProTour level)?

I need to get to a bookie in London and place my bet before they win everything and screw up my bet

 

[hrotha]

This is both hilarious and morally questionable. I suppose that in those ways, it's similar to Footon's decision to send this roster of 9 nobodies to the Tour.

Hahahaha, well played.
Wait, not well played. I liked the unedited version better!

I don't see any FU to ASO, they actually don't have much else to send.

 

[ilillillli]

Hahahaha, well played.
Wait, not well played. I liked the unedited version better!

I don't see any FU to ASO, they actually don't have much else to send.

sorry, not sure why i messed around with edits.

re: the "FU". i think that you're right to some extent. there was never a way for them to send a team that was great, good, reasonably good, respectable, or even competent, but when you drop your only rider with tour experience less than a week before a race... that's got to be a concerted effort by team management to use it's guaranteed invite to field the suckiest possible team. a team CANNOT be this bad on accident.

 

[steelguitar]

What's that on my bike shoe?

Thanks for the laughter that Footon Brown dog dookie Jersey won't be crossing the finish line first. However we will see them getting spit out the back of some very long breakaways.

 

[Barrus]

Thanks for the laughter that Footon Brown dog dookie Jersey won't be crossing the finish line first. However we will see them getting spit out the back of some very long breakaways.

Really? they haven't really shown much of that eiter. The man I myself have seen most in breakaways was, guess what, Chuela.

 

[Wallace]

sorry, not sure why i messed around with edits.

re: the "FU". i think that you're right to some extent. there was never a way for them to send a team that was great, good, reasonably good, respectable, or even competent, but when you drop your only rider with tour experience less than a week before a race... that's got to be a concerted effort by team management to use it's guaranteed invite to field the suckiest possible team. a team CANNOT be this bad on accident.

Maybe they're going to ride under the "black hole" theory of suckiness, that is: the overwhelming gravitational weight of their complete and utter incompetence--plus all the crashes they'll cause--will be a huge negative weight which will suck all the life and speed out of the peloton, resulting in molasses-like slow motion field sprints, riders walking their bikes up the mountains, and huge swathes of the field lining up by the side of the road waiting for the broom-wagons.

God, I wish there was a TTT this year.

 

[Cobblestones]

God, I wish there was a TTT this year.

Epic. 7/11-style

 

[ilillillli]

God, I wish there was a TTT this year.

+10

(sorry, not to dismiss the rest of your post, but i really need to see the "brown train" in action)

 

[Libertine Seguros]

+10

(sorry, not to dismiss the rest of your post, but i really need to see the "brown train" in action)

You may well get a chance, if we get some winds on an intermediate stage. It'll be like that LA-MSS debacle in 2008.

I can fully see the brown train riding into Arenberg in Mapei 1996 formation.

 

[issoisso]

You may well get a chance, if we get some winds on an intermediate stage. It'll be like that LA-MSS debacle in 2008.

I can fully see the brown train riding into Arenberg in Mapei 1996 formation.

You mean reverse-Mapei. Fighting for the privilege of being last.