le tour, clinic predictions

[the sceptic]

(sorry hitch)

-Dawg and Contador to go full mutant and climb at Armstrong speeds
-Froome will beat Martin in the ITT
-Talansky getting dropped like a stone on every MTF
-Horner will not beat Froome, even with a tailwind

bold prediction

-Little Ritchie to finish on the podium in Paris

 

[Dazed and Confused]

Cavendish will go berserk and win stage 2.

Horner will grab yellow and keep it.

Timmer will outclimb the dwarfs and claim the polka dot.

Porte will lead out the Dawg for a stage win in London.

Contador will use a 56 chain ring while hammering the hills for a TT victory.

What else... oh yea JVDB will win 2 stages.

 

[thehog]

The Dawg to lose time in week 1
The Dawg forced on the defence so begins mutant attacks in the climbs
Contador just follows Dawg, never counters, frustrates Dawg that he makes stupid mistakes and statements to the press.
Crash prone week 1 with at least 2-3 Top 10 place getters out of the race.
Incessant French reporters asking about TUEs etc. to Sky.
Brailsford dodging questions, Froome, saying he has done all he can to be clean.
JV providing soundbites on cycling's "new generation" whilst selling ice to the Eskimos.
Contador speaking Spanish the entire time.
Walsh making bizarre statements during the Tour on foreign riders whilst applying a different set of standards to non-American English speaking riders.
One drug story that grows throughout the race into something big.
Richie Porte becomes hyper aggressive, makes statements which force him to almost be ejected from the race.
Cound back in the frame. Answering all questions on behalf of Sky.
TVG off the back.
Talansky off the back.
French riders off the back.
Nibali attacking on descents and around sharp hairpins, Froome complaining about risk taking.
Cookson pretending the entire peloton is clean.

Clinic breaks after Dawgs first attack.

 

[zlev11]

Sky get tossed from the race Saunier Duval-style

 

[the sceptic]

Sky get tossed from the race Saunier Duval-style

I cant even begin to imagine how Walsh and the bots would react to this.

 

[The Hitch]

I cant even begin to imagine how Walsh and the bots would react to this.

They'll go back to whatever they were doing pre July 2012

 

[zlev11]

there would be a lot of lightly-used, blue and black Pinarellos on ebay

 

[No_Balls]

Tinkoff-Saxo will circle around Froome like vultures. Total war against the psyche of his. Pretending to be weak (at Hautacam?) Bjarne Riis-style whilst back in the back on wheel when Froome does the sitsprint.
Froome asking for a TUE Bullshark steroids after discovering a new disease before rest day. Approved by UCI.
British press fails to see how any one could possibly be cleaner.
Cleanest race ever (until Valverde wins on the pave).
Partying like its 2007.
Froome in search for another 100 watts by adjusting riding style. Walsh takes notes for the script to "The Climb: The movie (or how i fed my puppies)"
MC to install autoblock on Twitter.
Maybe this is the Tour of JVDB?
Where is Andy Schleck?

 

[BYOP88]

Froome not to win, Sky fans declare the winner to be dirty.

 

[mewmewmew13]

First nervous week 4 top ten riders out in a slow mo pileup...
Froome plagued by self doubt and Sky 'secrets' that keep popping up weekly.
Alberto staying cool..blasts it in the last week.
Nibali does the stage of his life.
Kittel mr tour sprinter this year...
Sagz to have many mechanicals and 2-3 place finishes...
Michelle and Dawg finally breaking down in tears during 3rd week..appeal to journalists and fans to "leave them alone"
Chris overcooks a corner on descent and Alberto and Nibs zoom by to 1-2 finish.

 

[go crazy]

Hahahaha! Some great stuff in here!

I don't have any witty one liners but I will be utterly shocked if Froomestrong loses. Contador can't drop him in the hills and Froome will crush in the TT. I predict Martin crying again when the skinny alien whoops him.

 

[doperhopper]

1. The Clinic to go full genius with crazy predictions (check).

2. They all come true and be dwarfed by reality.

3. Andy to go to the mountains with 5min lead after following Spartacus on wet cobbles. Not enough even for the first mountain despite the GC contenders pedalling with one leg and repairing his dropping chain, as everyone wants to keep him in yellow.

4. Dawg shows his new in-house developped super efficient tires, chain and stem, each giving 50 watts. Stem has a mirror so he never needs to raise the head into non aero position.

 

[Dear Wiggo]

I predict fantastic scenery that allows me to turn down the volume and just appreciate the aesthetic.

I am praying for a spectacle on the cobbles and hoping for some polemics in the mountains but too much of a crap shoot to go further than that.

I think Froome is rattled, and that may have an impact, but am happy to wait and see.

 

[DirtyWorks]

The Dawg to lose time in week 1
TVG off the back.
Talansky off the back.
French riders off the back.
Nibali attacking on descents and around sharp hairpins, Froome complaining about risk taking. UCI opens investigation.

The first three are a given as is the MTF, time trial comedy.
I fixed the fourth one for you.

Sky first and third. Or if they really screw up, 2nd-3rd with Contador smilng on the top of the podium content he took another podium gifted to an idiot.

Horner is never tested positive. Again.

 

[DirtyWorks]

I predict fantastic scenery that allows me to turn down the volume and just appreciate the aesthetic.

I am praying for a spectacle on the cobbles and hoping for some polemics in the mountains but too much of a crap shoot to go further than that.

I think Froome is rattled, and that may have an impact, but am happy to wait and see.

If we're lucky, day 2 in the UK might lead to some guys falling out of the top-10 because they couldn't be bothered to pay attention at the front of the peloton.

doperhopper, like the froome book, it's not that the predictions come true, it's that things far more fantastic (as in fantasy) occur. Again. Kind of like the Cound/Froome book.

 

[msjett]

My prediction is Froome crashes on a descent and the whole peloton put the hammer down and not allowing sky bring Froome back...

Oh and their will be lots of dodgy TUE's, interviews and general TDF shenanigans.

 

[red_flanders]

Tinkoff-Saxo will circle around Froome like vultures. Total war against the psyche of his. Pretending to be weak (at Hautacam?) Bjarne Riis-style whilst back in the back on wheel when Froome does the sitsprint.
Froome asking for a TUE Bullshark steroids after discovering a new disease before rest day. Approved by UCI.
British press fails to see how any one could possibly be cleaner.
Cleanest race ever (until Valverde wins on the pave).
Partying like its 2007.
Froome in search for another 100 watts by adjusting riding style. Walsh takes notes for the script to "The Climb: The movie (or how i fed my puppies)"
MC to install autoblock on Twitter.
Maybe this is the Tour of JVDB?
Where is Andy Schleck?

You are quickly becoming one of my favorite posters here.

 

[el_angliru]

The Clinic causes a total meltdown of the CN forum in week two (if not before) and keeps the forum closed until August.

 

[elduggo]

Cound reactivates her twitter account
1, 2, 3 will be Froome (by a distance), Contador, and rubberman Horner
Walsh blocks another 1000 people on twitter
The vast majority of cycling fans stop giving a *** by the start of week 2
Yorkshire to declare for bankruptcy
Cofidis to do nothing

 

[elduggo]

sitsprint

the english language is now complete!

 

[Benotti69]

And there was i thinking when i read the thread title clinicians were being asked what PEDs would win Le Tour....

 

[armchairclimber]

The winner will be asthmatic.

 

[melkemugg]

Both contador and froome crashes out.
It will be a french miracle.

 

[SeriousSam]

British media will judge cycling to be in a new golden age of cleanliness (Froome wins) or an unfortunate return to the Armstrong doping era (Contador wins)

 

[mrhender]

Froome to attack like crazy on the first real mountain stage only to drive down the wrong road too busy looking at his Cound-webcam-stem...

Cookson to alter the route retrospectively so that Froome looses no time..

Belkin to be pulled because of massive EPO only to change name to Rabobank and then rides on..