Suggestions and Ideas for the Tour de France

[BroDeal]

Any rider who uses Twitter during the Tour will have a 20 kilo weight added to their bike for the rest of the race. Two tweets, two weights. Three tweets, ye olde guillotine will be brought back into use.

Riders caught using earpieces will be forced to continue using them. Instead of being connected to their DS, an endless loop of Nickelback songs will be played.

Any rider heard to say, "I never tested positive," will be judged guilty of insulting the intelligence of everyone with an IQ above 80 and summarily stoned to death.

 

[msjett]

What??? Why would they do that? The tour is the highlight of the cycling calendar!

I was just going along with the idea's and suggestions component of the thread title...putting an idea out there.

 

[thehog]

Points and time bonuses for hiding the team car on your teammates. Team member who doesn't get to the stage start in time because of missing car lose actual time.

Steal the water bottle jersey. Best steal wears the prestigious aqua jersey on the next stage.

 

[TibetT]

All bidons to be full of beer. Riders using bidons not containing beer will be suspended.....and forced to return tweet to all of Lances twitter buddies

 

[TrudyTas]

A variation on the 2 person time trial: a three legged stage where 2 members of a team have a left and right leg tied together so they have to pedal at the same cadence and not knock each other off their bikes - that would see which team has the best team work!

 

[El Imbatido]

A variation on the 2 person time trial: a three legged stage where 2 members of a team have a left and right leg tied together so they have to pedal at the same cadence and not knock each other off their bikes - that would see which team has the best team work!

LOL, that would be awesome. Just imagine if Bert Grabsch and Contador were on the same team. The thought of contador turning at 55rpm or grabsh at 95rpm. Ha Ha

 

[Red Ace]

On the final climb, use solid metal 5' barriers on both sides for the last 5K. As the final rider of the day crosses the 5K threshold, close a gate behind them. From the top, release a pack of ravenous wolves. It would do two things, reward riders for strength,(because the strong would finish before the wolves were released) and cull the weak from the herd. Now I realize this would have caused the untimely death of Kenny (my favorite rider), but sometimes you have to sacrifice things for the thrill of competition.

Maybe large decorated heavy balls should be rolled down the mountains as well. So Kenny and the crew can’t just focus on the ravenous wolves.

Maybe sponsorship spots could be sold on the balls and the wolves, eg while Kenny battles off the Livestrong wolf the Astana big ball takes him out. That would get the punters cheering.

Why not give riders guns (only 1 bullet a stage) so they can shot the spectator that ****es them off the most. It would look great on the news each night. Remembering that shooting another rider is not allowed as Garman wouldn't have a finisher and Cadel would be riding in a bullet proof vest.

 

[TrudyTas]

Why not give riders guns (only 1 bullet a stage) so they can shot the spectator that ****es them off the most.

What? Instead of the spectators having them?

 

[manolo]

7. Set a non-varying cutoff time limit for stages Say, no matter how fast or slow stages are ridden. Everyone must come in at most, to pick a number, 1:45:00 after the stage winner. This might be crazy, but it also might make for different names in the final sprint in Paris! Heh heh!

7. Nah, it works fine the way it does now.

The reason I like this is sometimes, like when Euskaltel lost Amets Txurruka and Alan Perez on Stage 19, I wish they would be let back in. Other times I think the grupetto takes it too easy on mountain climbs and get to rest too much. Just an opinion.

 

[Deagol]

Replace that ugly red polka-dot jersey with something less obnoxious… (green triangles??) Seriously, the Mountain Jersey is hideous…..

 

[SirLes]

A stage where no one knows the route except the lead car. If a break gets too far up the road the bunch will have to guess which way to go. (No team radios)

Or they get told the finishing town at the start but have to find their own way there. (Obviously radios and sat navs would be banned for this as well.)- The french might be have a chance. (I'd have loved to see how astana coped with that one)

Rolling subs: not only for each stage but during the stages as well. 16 man squads. Only 9 on the road at any one time. (time carry forward ie rider A regardless of who that was at any time)

 

[ridley]

How about let each rider fix his own flat tire ??? Like in the good old days

 

[richwagmn]

On the final climb, use solid metal 5' barriers on both sides for the last 5K. As the final rider of the day crosses the 5K threshold, close a gate behind them. From the top, release a pack of ravenous wolves. It would do two things, reward riders for strength,(because the strong would finish before the wolves were released) and cull the weak from the herd. Now I realize this would have caused the untimely death of Kenny (my favorite rider), but sometimes you have to sacrifice things for the thrill of competition.

Very funny. Got a good laugh today (badly needed). Thanks.

 

[benpounder]

I don't think anyone can make the argument that the tour woud've been less exciting if 4 of the best GC men in the peleton hadn't been on the same team at the start of this year's tour (Astana). Having a salary cap would spread the wealth of talent around and there would definitely be more teams out there, and teams would have to work much harder to promote and bring forth more young talented riders who don't cost a lot of salary money.

This line of thinking is, sadly, myopic. While railing against Astana, you convienently ignore Saxo Bank, Liquigas, and Garmin. If you force the breakup of Contador(1), Leipheimer(DNF), Armstrong(3), and Kloden(6), you necessarily have to seperate Andy(2) and Frank Schleck(5), Wiggins(4) and Vandevelde(8), Nibali(7) and Kreuziger(9). And that is just the top ten, for Katusha, AG2R and FDJ each had two riders in the top twenty.

Would the race really been that much more exciting if Andy and Frank were riding against one another?

 

[yetanothergreenworld]

1. Make Hinault part of the anti-drug policy: anyone whose B-sample comes back positive has to spend five minutes in a small room with the Badger and a ballpoint pen.

2. Do the 1987 route over again -- well, at least the last week:

http://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tour_de_france_1987

 

[Stelvio]

Or they get told the finishing town at the start but have to find their own way there. (Obviously radios and sat navs would be banned for this as well.)- The french might be have a chance. (I'd have loved to see how astana coped with that one)

Lance: Sí Alberto, take the next road to the right.
Alberto: Gracias Lance.
Lance on twitter: Ha, I just sent AC the wrong way. He's got a lot to learn.
Johan on twitter: Don't ask yourself where you want to go, ask which is the scenic route.
Levi on twitter: Now that was a good move! Alberto is isolated AND Andreas is doped!

 

[pedaling squares]

Behaviour modification

Issue cattle prods to the moto riders for use against the fat guys, drunks, and Texans who get too close to and/or abuse the cyclists on the steep climbs.

Hire UFC dropouts as soigneurs to maul the more agile fatties who escape the moto patrol.

 

[mr. tibbs]

This line of thinking is, sadly, myopic. While railing against Astana, you convienently ignore Saxo Bank, Liquigas, and Garmin. If you force the breakup of Contador(1), Leipheimer(DNF), Armstrong(3), and Kloden(6), you necessarily have to seperate Andy(2) and Frank Schleck(5), Wiggins(4) and Vandevelde(8), Nibali(7) and Kreuziger(9). And that is just the top ten, for Katusha, AG2R and FDJ each had two riders in the top twenty.

Would the race really been that much more exciting if Andy and Frank were riding against one another?

I would LOVE it!

But I think Astana was def the extreme case among extreme cases. Those guys should each be captain of their own team.

 

[ak-zaaf]

Replace that ugly red polka-dot jersey with something less obnoxious… (green triangles??) Seriously, the Mountain Jersey is hideous…..

come on, it's beautiful.

not as pretty as the fish jersey, but still

 

[Crunchy Frog]

Maybe large decorated heavy balls should be rolled down the mountains as well. So Kenny and the crew can’t just focus on the ravenous wolves.

Maybe sponsorship spots could be sold on the balls and the wolves, eg while Kenny battles off the Livestrong wolf the Astana big ball takes him out. That would get the punters cheering.

Why not give riders guns (only 1 bullet a stage) so they can shot the spectator that ****es them off the most. It would look great on the news each night. Remembering that shooting another rider is not allowed as Garman wouldn't have a finisher and Cadel would be riding in a bullet proof vest.

But the heavy balls might squash the wolves !

Growl ! Growl ! Bite Bite ! <Rumble> Squelch ! Squelch !

Poor wolves.


My suggestions:

Bring back touriste-routiers.

Team cars to have Boadicea-style blades on the wheels so they can recreate Ben-Hur on days when nothing much is happening (cf most of this year's TdF). What fun as everyone gangs up on Bruyneel and he falls off the side of the Tourmalet.

Jacky Durand to be cloned.

Jacky Durand clones to form "Team Jacky" and spend the entire Tour in nine-man breaks.

Riders on LA's ****-list to form their own team, entirely devoted to thwarting his ambitions by any means possible á la Wacky Races.

5 minute time bonuses for any climber who manages to finish in the top 15 on a flat stage.

Ditto sprinters on a mountain stage.

Time trial bikes to be replaced by ordinary touring bikes with (full) panniers etc. "You too can corner like The Chicken! "

Special hat for "Most Unpopular Rider" on each team, as voted by his team-mates. Maybe something with horns.

Stage to start from the top of Alpe D'Huez.

 

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't mind seeing some things changed or added to the Tour.

2. A Two Man Team Time Trial Let your GC man and the next best time trialer on your team have a shot at building up their lead. Pair every one up. Every one will have a chance. Have 9 on a team? Pair your last man with the 'Lantern Rouge" of other teams!

why not just have mixed team ttt.. all the riders go in a hat, and teams of nine are drawn out, they have to work together for the best time they can..

personally i would like to see bonus seconds back for the first weeks spring stages.. makes the yellow jersey battle in wk1 much more exciting..

ditch specialist time trial bikes.. make them ride normal road bikes instead

 

[manolo]

so... Contador has 6 minute lead with just Paris to go, he breaks his arm... and all of a sudden I come instead of him and win the Tour?

No. Not really. I'd be ok if the replacement riders weren't awarded any results whatsoever, the object being just replacing team support. For example, when Saxo Bank lost Jens Voigt, I, personally, would have been ok if they had been able to bring in another domestique or roleur to help out. Someone who had already been placed on an already designated reserve list.

I would have found it pretty cool to for Astana to bring in Chris Horner or Benjamin Noval in after Leipheimer had his incident. I would have liked Quick Step to bring in Allan Davis after Boonen left!

I wouldn't expect these people's times to count towards the overall classification, the points competition or any other jersey competition. I know it won't happen, but I wouldn't mind it if it did happen! : )

 

[manolo]

1. The Team Time Trial Stop taking the time of the 5th man. Give everybody their true time. If a sprinter wants to shave a second or two off his time, let him go for it. If a team leader wants to solo off to shave off a little more time, let him go for it.

That is called individual time trial...you get your individual time and not teams`

What I mean is you would ride the stage only with your team, reap all the benefits of time trialing in a group, but not be forced to wait for the fifth man to come through. If Cancellara wants to blast off at the end, he can!

 

[manolo]

Do the 1987 route over again... at least the last week: http://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tour_de_france_1987

I don't know all the mountains in those stages, but it looks pretty stacked with Luz-Ardiden, Mont Ventoux, L'Alpe-d'Huez and the Morzine in there!

And stages starting or going throughout Germany? Berlin? Karlsruhe? Stuttgart? Pforzheim? Pretty cool Tour! Thanks!

 

[Cobber]

1. Make Hinault part of the anti-drug policy: anyone whose B-sample comes back positive has to spend five minutes in a small room with the Badger and a ballpoint pen.

2. Do the 1987 route over again -- well, at least the last week:

http://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tour_de_france_1987

Wow! What an amazing route. ITT up Ventoux! 87.5 km ITT. Over 200km in total ITT distance. It definitely hits a lot of the big climbs as well. I'd love to see the profile for some of those stages.

Edit: Found some highlights of some of these stages.

Final ITT - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBIV2gXV2tM&feature=related
Luz Ardiden - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8woHATqz8E&feature=fvw
Ventoux ITT - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8woHATqz8E&feature=fvw
Pau - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dafi7waYXs
La Plagne - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QO9CfgoZ5c
Final stage to Paris - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFDaw6G4P34