Surely, he must be doped...

[Anonymous]

Shows no form at all all year and then suddenly, Christmas Eve and hes climbing roofs like Dick van Dyke on Steriods

Shows up for a few events in early December looking old and severely overweight yet just a few weeks later fits down chimneys

Turns up at the same time every year and dominates.. ridiculous

Races on a Greenlandish licence. Greenlanders hardly being renowned for their anti doping policy.

Rolls out the "Im sorry you dont beleive... " line with alarming regularity.

Has a bunch of young and impressionable followers who believe in him and wont hear anything said against him.

Has minions of Elves that are willing to work for him for little or no reward.

Seriously, Santa Claus needs to be on the UCI suspicion list.

Dont even get me started on Rudolph

 

[Anonymous]

Shows no form at all all year and then suddenly, Christmas Eve and hes climbing roofs like Dick van Dyke on Steriods

Shows up for a few events in early December looking old and severely overweight yet just a few weeks later fits down chimneys

Turns up at the same time every year and dominates.. ridiculous

Races on a Greenlandish licence. Greenlanders hardly being renowned for their anti doping policy.

Rolls out the "Im sorry you dont beleive... " line with alarming regularity.

Has a bunch of young and impressionable followers who believe in him and wont hear anything said against him.

Has minions of Elves that are willing to work for him for little or no reward.

Seriously, Santa Claus needs to be on the UCI suspicion list.

Dont even get me started on Rudolph

The red nose is a dead give-away.

SC has been known to stealth train...

I wonder if he has a wrist band the same color as the bike...

 

[The Hitch]

Shows no form at all all year and then suddenly, Christmas Eve and hes climbing roofs like Dick van Dyke on Steriods

Shows up for a few events in early December looking old and severely overweight yet just a few weeks later fits down chimneys

Turns up at the same time every year and dominates.. ridiculous

Races on a Greenlandish licence. Greenlanders hardly being renowned for their anti doping policy.

Rolls out the "Im sorry you dont beleive... " line with alarming regularity.

Has a bunch of young and impressionable followers who believe in him and wont hear anything said against him.

Has minions of Elves that are willing to work for him for little or no reward.

Seriously, Santa Claus needs to be on the UCI suspicion list.

Dont even get me started on Rudolph

I’ll say to the people who don’t believe in Santa, the reindeers or the elves, the cynics and the sceptics. I'm sorry for you. I'm sorry you don't believe in miracles or magic. You should believe in Santa, and you should believe in magic. I'll be a fan Christmas and the magic that it brings to children around the world for as long as I live.

 

[craig1985]

What is his cadence like and does he have a higher lung capacity than everybody else?

 

[Altitude]

I thought you were talking about god for a minute there. He's massively doped

 

[Martin318is]

I’ll say to the people who don’t believe in Santa, the reindeers or the elves, the cynics and the sceptics. I'm sorry for you. I'm sorry you don't believe in miracles or magic. You should believe in Santa, and you should believe in magic. I'll be a fan Christmas and the magic that it brings to children around the world for as long as I live.

True, if you are anti Santa Claus then you MUST hate happy smiling children - there is no other explanation.

 

[Merckx index]

Shows no form at all all year and then suddenly, Christmas Eve and hes climbing roofs like **** van **** on Steriods

That’s because he recons every house in the world in the months leading up to Christmas.

Shows up for a few events in early December looking old and severely overweight yet just a few weeks later fits down chimneys

He’s tested positive for clen many times in late December, but he always points out that he travels all over the world and eats meat in third world countries. Under current WADA rules, he has to walk.

Turns up at the same time every year and dominates.. ridiculous

That’s because he doesn’t focus on the Easter, Halloween and Thanksgiving Classics.

Races on a Greenlandish licence. Greenlanders hardly being renowned for their anti doping policy.

What’s even worse is that he pays for reindeer food using money collected at Christmas charities all over the world. When is someone going to investigate this?

Rolls out the "Im sorry you don’t believe... " line with alarming regularity.

Even 60 minutes is afraid to touch this guy. Sad.

Has a bunch of young and impressionable followers who believe in him and won’t hear anything said against him.

Kids have told me I’m just jealous because I can’t give them the kind of presents that Santa gives them.

Has minions of Elves that are willing to work for him for little or no reward.

I’ve noticed that whenever the Elves quit and start working for someone else, they test positive.

Seriously, Santa Claus needs to be on the UCI suspicion list.

There are rumors that lavish Xmas gifts are given every year to high UCI officials.

Dont even get me started on Rudolph

Isn’t Rudy the guy who finishes last at the TDF? He goes from that to first every December?

 

[Timmy-loves-Rabo]

Apparently one of his tests a few years ago came up positive but he got away with it due to the "my milk and cookie was spiked" argument. I don't trust the guy.

 

[Luke Schmid]

I’ll say to the people who don’t believe in Santa, the reindeers or the elves, the cynics and the sceptics. I'm sorry for you. I'm sorry you don't believe in miracles or magic. You should believe in Santa, and you should believe in magic. I'll be a fan Christmas and the magic that it brings to children around the world for as long as I live.

I hate Christmas, it is all about lies and greed.

 

[Luke Schmid]

True, if you are anti Santa Claus then you MUST hate happy smiling children - there is no other explanation.

What a load of nonsense, I hate Christmas but I don't hate smiling happy smiling children, to suggest such a thing is highly insulting. It makes me quite angry, please withdraw your comment.

 

[Martin318is]

What a load of nonsense, I hate Christmas but I don't hate smiling happy smiling children, to suggest such a thing is highly insulting. It makes me quite angry, please withdraw your comment.

This thread is pro-happy children. If you don't like Christmas then you obviously hate children.

"I'm sorry that you don't believe in miracles"

 

[Luke Schmid]

This thread is pro-happy children. If you don't like Christmas then you obviously hate children.

"I'm sorry that you don't believe in miracles"

I do not hate happy children. I volunteer on a national committee of an organisation that runs junior events, not cycling but sort of sporting. One of the reasons I love doing it is because I get to mix with happy children. I will repeat your allegation is highly insulting. I am quite upset about it as could not be further from the truth.

EDIT: And I do believe in miracles so you are wrong in that as well.

 

[Martin318is]

I do not hate happy children. I volunteer on a national committee of an organisation that runs junior events, not cycling but sort of sporting. One of the reasons I love doing it is because I get to mix with happy children. I will repeat your allegation is highly insulting. I am quite upset about it as could not be further from the truth.

EDIT: And I do believe in miracles so you are wrong in that as well.

Luke,
Read the rest of the thread again and look at my posts in that context.

I was very obviously using statements that have previously surrounded Lance Armstrong in a semi-humourous way in this thread about Santa Claus (just like everyone else was). I will give you a hint:

Lance fan to a doping acuser, "Why do you love cancer?"
LA to a journalist: "I'm sorry that you don't believe in miracles"

I have no intention of editing my earlier posts as they have nothing to do with your actual beliefs - nor mine.

 

[Luke Schmid]

Luke,
Read the rest of the thread again and look at my posts in that context.

I was very obviously using statements that have previously surrounded Lance Armstrong in a semi-humourous way in this thread about Santa Claus (just like everyone else was). I will give you a hint:

Lance fan to a doping acuser, "Why do you love cancer?"
LA to a journalist: "I'm sorry that you don't believe in miracles"

I have no intention of editing my earlier posts as they have nothing to do with your actual beliefs - nor mine.

If you were standing in front of me I would attempt to break your jaw into many pieces. Make up what ever excuses you want you behaviour is disgraceful. You have been good to me in the past and I appreciate this but it also makes your comments so much more surprising. I am very upset, I am supposed to be preparing for a job interview and came on here to keep myself relaxed but I instead was inflicted with your nonsense. I found TSFs comments very clever but yours are just insulting. I give my time generously as I have said as an administrator of a national junior body and to have this thrown at me is just dumbfounding. I just don't understand why.

 

[Altitude]

I hate Christmas, it is all about lies and greed.

This is true - most things to do with Jesus are all about lies

 

[Anonymous]

Nice try Dim... but this thread has quickly gone to hell. Lots of very serious people in the clinic.

In before the close.

 

[Martin318is]

Hopefully the thread can remain. Now that it has been made abundantly clear that its not a serious thread, there should be no more reason for serious posts.

 

[Martin318is]

Anyway,

Does anyone know if the North Pole's website is, a ".org" or a ".com"?

 

[ramjambunath]

Has to be .com, they surely can't raise enough money living on donations and without advertising.

Just checked- there really is a northpole.com

 

[Timmy-loves-Rabo]

I do not hate happy children. I volunteer on a national committee of an organisation that runs junior events, not cycling but sort of sporting. One of the reasons I love doing it is because I get to mix with happy children. I will repeat your allegation is highly insulting. I am quite upset about it as could not be further from the truth.

EDIT: And I do believe in miracles so you are wrong in that as well.

it's a joke. relax.

 

[auscyclefan94]

Apparently one of his tests a few years ago came up positive but he got away with it due to the "my milk and cookie was spiked" argument. I don't trust the guy.

Although Santa's doctor likened drinking a litre of orange juice to drinking egg nog!

 

[Hugh Januss]

I hate Christmas, it is all about lies and greed.

Hah hah good joke.

What a load of nonsense, I hate Christmas but I don't hate smiling happy smiling children, to suggest such a thing is highly insulting. It makes me quite angry, please withdraw your comment.

Even better.

This thread is pro-happy children. If you don't like Christmas then you obviously hate children.

"I'm sorry that you don't believe in miracles"

Good joke in .return

I do not hate happy children. I volunteer on a national committee of an organisation that runs junior events, not cycling but sort of sporting. One of the reasons I love doing it is because I get to mix with happy children. I will repeat your allegation is highly insulting. I am quite upset about it as could not be further from the truth.

EDIT: And I do believe in miracles so you are wrong in that as well.

Excellent response. All in fun I am assuming.

Luke,
Read the rest of the thread again and look at my posts in that context.

I was very obviously using statements that have previously surrounded Lance Armstrong in a semi-humourous way in this thread about Santa Claus (just like everyone else was). I will give you a hint:

Lance fan to a doping acuser, "Why do you love cancer?"
LA to a journalist: "I'm sorry that you don't believe in miracles"

I have no intention of editing my earlier posts as they have nothing to do with your actual beliefs - nor mine.

Wait a minute what the he** is going on here?

Nice try Dim... but this thread has quickly gone to hell. Lots of very serious people in the clinic.

In before the close.

Uhm, pretty sure that Martin didn't get the joke here, let's all settle down.

 

[ramjambunath]

He's quitting

'Twas the night before Chris tmas--Old Santa was ****ed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my *** for damn near a year,
Instead of 'Thanks Santa'--what do I hear?
The old lady *****es cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those *******s from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little ****s
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!

I give the children what they hoped
Now they accuse me of being doped
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat *** and draw unemployment.

There's **_No Christmas_** this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season


Statistical evidence proves that he has doped

 

[Luke Schmid]

Hopefully the thread can remain. Now that it has been made abundantly clear that its not a serious thread, there should be no more reason for serious posts.

Don't you have any shame!!!!!!!!!!

To clear it all up all my posts in this thread have been completely serious.
I seriously 100% hate Christmas, its lies about Santa Claus and everything else.
I do not hate children and Martin's repeated suggestion I do is highly offensive.
I reported Martin using the report function after he repeated what he said after I quite clearly asked him to desist and I found what he said offensive.

 

[Susan Westemeyer]

Don't you have any shame!!!!!!!!!!

To clear it all up all my posts in this thread have been completely serious.
I seriously 100% hate Christmas, its lies about Santa Claus and everything else.
I do not hate children and Martin's repeated suggestion I do is highly offensive.
I reported Martin using the report function after he repeated what he said after I quite clearly asked him to desist and I found what he said offensive.

As Martin tried to point out, you seem to have missed the point of this satirical thread. If you wish to have a serious discussion about Christmas and/or Santa, please feel free to open a thread on that matter in the Cafe.

Susan