Surely, he must be doped...

[bicing]

As Martin tried to point out, you seem to have missed the point of this satirical thread. If you wish to have a serious discussion about Christmas and/or Santa, please feel free to open a thread on that matter in the Cafe.

Susan

Amazing. I thought he was being brilliantly sarcastic, or imitating Bruyneel or someone. But no, he's really missed the point that badly.

 

[TourOfSardinia]

"Sugar plum fairy came and hit the streets"

has a vaguely doping Xmas feel to it, too.

BTW: isn't it still way to early to be thinking about Christmas? - never mind the next serious road-race mountain.

 

[Semper Fidelis]

Santa Clause is economically necessary. Without him setting the examples of generosity, gift giving etc. Christmas would just fade away. Once you get rid of Santa Clause there is no Christmas. Seriously where does this stop.

Without the generosity of Santa what would happen to all the people who work for Christmas? The elves who make the Christmas trees, lights, tinsel, all the Christmas dinners? The Elves depend on Santa Clause to facilitate their lifestyles.

What about the children who believe in Santa Clause and the Elves. What would happen to them if they are just suddenly left without something so powerful to believe in?

 

[Susan Westemeyer]

Too early for Christmas? We have had Christmas goodies like Lebkuchen in the grocery stores since the end of August. Talk about doping......


(and how was that for getting back on topi?)

Susan

 

[Old School]

Wrong Phormula

No doubt that Santa is doped...but whatever he is using probably will NOT be a favorite of the rest of the sports world.

Look at him...I wouldn't risk my health taking a mix that gives me great strength yet gives me a huge belly and fat hanging off my bones.

Ho Ho HO!

 

[Andynonomous]

Santa Claus would never dope.

He's German, and Germans (except for GDR), don't dope.

 

[Susan Westemeyer]

German? Not at all!

He is based on Sinterklaas, who is Dutch. No comment as to whether anyone in the Netherlands ever dopes. Other than in coffee shops, of course.

Susan

 

[just some guy]

I always though it was Finnish Lapland

 

[maltiv]

Shows no form at all all year and then suddenly, Christmas Eve and hes climbing roofs like Dick van Dyke on Steriods

There is a perfectly reasonable medical explanation for this. Santa picked up Biharzia the last time he was in Africa. This is a disease that feeds on one's red blood cells; a nightmare for any endurance athlete. However, he has now been treated, and thus is able to perform accordingly.

 

[Andynonomous]

German? Not at all!

He is based on Sinterklaas, who is Dutch. No comment as to whether anyone in the Netherlands ever dopes. Other than in coffee shops, of course.

Susan

Actually, I did a quick "wikipedia" check, and he is an amalgamation of multiple characters (Sinterklaas, Father Christmas, St Nikolaus, Odin,...).

Most of Santa's roots seem to come from central Europe (Pre-Christian Germanic peoples, Dutch, Scandanavian, Nordic).


And of course, none of these people dope.

 

[Susan Westemeyer]

I always though it was Finnish Lapland

Sure he lives there in December. But where does he spend the off-season? And with whom? Doing what?

Susan

 

[just some guy]

Sure he lives there in December. But where does he spend the off-season? And with whom? Doing what?

Susan

The big island in Hawaii with Carmichael I assume

 

[Beech Mtn]

No doubt that Santa is doped...but whatever he is using probably will NOT be a favorite of the rest of the sports world.

Look at him...I wouldn't risk my health taking a mix that gives me great strength yet gives me a huge belly and fat hanging off my bones.

Ho Ho HO!

Some say that is HGH gut, but others insist that Santa is just belly breathing.

Then there are those who like to compare the photos of young Santa and old Santa and document the changes in his jawline, brow, etc.

 

[Cobblestoned]

Luke,
Read the rest of the thread again and look at my posts in that context.

I was very obviously using statements that have previously surrounded Lance Armstrong in a semi-humourous way in this thread about Santa Claus (just like everyone else was). I will give you a hint:

Lance fan to a doping acuser, "Why do you love cancer?"
LA to a journalist: "I'm sorry that you don't believe in miracles"

I have no intention of editing my earlier posts as they have nothing to do with your actual beliefs - nor mine.

It really took 10 posts till Santa-Lance was in.

Come on people. You can do better.

 

[Susan Westemeyer]

Let's stay on topic please.

Susan

 

[Dr. Maserati]

It really took 10 posts till Santa-Lance was in.

Come on people. You can do better.

Please - unlike Santa, everyone knows Lance is just a myth.


As for Santa, well of course there is his association with Ferrari.....

 

[bicing]

There is a perfectly reasonable medical explanation for this. Santa picked up Biharzia the last time he was in Africa. This is a disease that feeds on one's red blood cells; a nightmare for any endurance athlete. However, he has now been treated, and thus is able to perform accordingly.

Plus he trains all year at high latitude. He used to sled long distances to get to school at high latitude, and that's what allows him to break all those records.

 

[Mellow Velo]

The answer is simple: Santa has a Clause in his contract that allows him to ride all over the world, without a valid passport.

 

[palmerq]

The answer is simple: Santa has a Clause in his contract that allows him to ride all over the world, without a valid passport.

I heard there was no sanity clause though :S

 

[Zam_Olyas]

I would need to look closely at his eyebrows and his chin to be sure whether he dope or not.

 

[Susan Westemeyer]

I would need to look closely at his eyebrows and his chin to be sure whether he dope or not.

So that's why we never see him without the beard!

Susan

 

[More Strides than Rides]

His recent positive was overturned for the prevalence of steroids in unregulated polar bear meat.

He sings ho-ho-ho all through the night to keep his heart rate from dropping to dangerous levels while he sleeps.

His times are off the chart (the whole world in a matter of hours), even on an aluminum sled.

He's the most tested and questioned Legend in the world, but just has more dedication and training than the tooth fairy, easter bunny, and bogey man combined.

Even if he tests positive, his team will be able to adjust the sentence so he's back in time for next season.

Santa secludes himself in the north pole just to avoid out of season doping controls.

His teammate Rudolph came out of nowhere to become his most reliable domestique

He's dismissing the information provided by federal informer Rudolph, saying he's just jealous of the other reindeer, with his nose still in the powder.

The way the Christmas team rides away from Hanukkah on the mountains just shows systematic doping throughout the organization (don't get offended please, I love every holiday). The Festivus team was denied entry due to evidence of team doping.

Santa has now changed his story, saying everybody gets presents anyway, why does it matter to look at how.

Santa is facing the CAS in Lausanne, Switzerland soon. You can attend the trial on 34th street.

Plasticizers were recently found in his blood, but he said they just came from plastic wrapped candy canes.

 

[Zam_Olyas]

So that's why we never see him without the beard!

Susan

exactamundo ....eyyyyyyy says the Fonz

 

[Zam_Olyas]

will his minions help him administer blood transfusion

 

[9000ft]

Does anyone know when Blitzen' tell all book comes out? I know he indulged in a little magic dust here and there during his career, but I know he just want's to come clean.

Of course the lame stream media and all the red trouser sniffing Santa fanboys will ignore it.