the truth. said:
the bikepure people said on their twitter they sent an initial outline of this to mc quaid with no reply. Does mc quaid not listen to his uci members ? is he a king?
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Without treading into the area of disclosing personal conversations or otherwise commenting or making claims about specific individuals, I can say that I have contacted and been responded to by, and/or been contacted by and responded in-kind to those @ the top(S) of USADA, USAC, and UCI. Those in power can afford to "listen" all they want, and will give this impression if it suits the interests of those who hold power (either individually or collectively, transparently or opaquely).
However, it seems at times that it is wholly at their pleasure that they respond to a request or suggestion or claim or accusation by the little(r) guy(s). Much is said by how the response comes or what form it takes - or what action does or doesn't follow.
Again for the record, I deserve all of the official, on-paper punishment I receive for cheating, but what drives me mad is when there is some gesture of reconciliation collaboration proposed by the groups that sanctioned me, and then for reasons unknown or unexplained at the time, the offer isn't rescinded, it's just never spoken of again or responded to by the other party. This happened to me twice this summer, and it is more morale-crushing than anything. The building up of expectations of a positive outcome derived from an active, meaningful and genuine contribution to the clean-sport movement is followed by a complete shattering of my hope when the matter is either intentionally (or less likely) unintentionally dropped by the other without even an acknowledgment that it's being scrapped.
I'll backpedal a bit and clarify that I think that without athletes coming forward denounce cheating colleagues or expose corruption, there can be no serious movement towards a cleaner sport. 100% drug-free will never happen, yet the incentives and punishments related to doping must be aligned to the interests of all stakeholders. So a first-time offender, even though he may have been cheating for some time, should be given the opportunity for less severe punishment or some favorable treatment in exchange for genuine cooperation with the ADA or civil authorities. But when the first-time offender refuses to cooperate or otherwise maintains the omerta during his period of ineligibility, upon returning to competition a second positive test should be a lifetime ban (subject to being reduced to say, 8 years if at that point the offender's head is removed from his bum and he cooperates). But by the same token, doping doesn't happen only with the participation of the end-user. Trust me...there are many involved in facilitating or covering-up the process, and I think that CycleSport2.0 should take this into consideration...breaking the back of the athlete with a lifetime ban or criminal prosecution does not break the system of corruption. Rather, it simply removes one end-user, who may or may not be replaced by another eager doper.
I will continue to do what I can, cooperating with whichever authorities want me to cooperate with them, while speaking honestly and openly about my role in all this and detailing the experiences pre, during and post for those w/ an interest, but without seeing doping as systemic, money-driven, disease-model-related for the end user and similar to narcotrafficando in its other components, no real change will come, or success achieved.
I miss being just a boy in Pgh who loved to ride his bike and spent winter mornings before training reading 10-year-old copies of the magazine "
Winning Bicycle Racing Illustrated." There's not much I wouldn't give to recapture that innocence, and there is little I have left to resist the total obliteration of those feelings, that hope and faith in goodness. <Sigh>
As I usually say at the end of these semi-melancholy-type posts, if there are any juniors or other young cyclists out there reading this and you're considering CERA or HGH or even some old ephedrine, please be aware that successful doping does not lead to guaranteed glory, and it may ultimately deliver you to the final few km's of the sporting path on which I've been lost since '06, which meander through an almost-perpetual state of sports-semi-despondency.
Totally not worth it in the end. Absolutely, 100% not worth it for me in the end. Wish I'd never done it and would give anything to be able to go back to '01 and never return to full-time racing. Can't, of course, so the only thing left to do is squint with eyes forward and hope there is some redemption ahead somewhere, if in no other place than my own mind. (ie, forgive myself and get on with my life
)
So in principle I support a petition like CycleSport2.0, if it helps influence other riders such that they do not ultimately make the same kinds of decisions that brought me to where I am now. Gosh, why would you touch doping with a 10-foot pole if you knew that there was even a 1-in-100 chance of getting caught and having your world collapse like mine did? I'll emerge from this hell eventually,
probably soon after any official cooperation or work with any official agencies that might not have begun finally comes to a close, but until then...no vale la pena, chico!
PS. Please, no one call suicide hotline or anything like that
...I just felt the need to not cover-up how devastating a positive test can be.