ok dug this from my very old blog... hopefully the censor will edit out the bad words..
30 things that really really get on my wotsits...
1) Seagulls...
Dont really have to add anything to that do i...
2)People who walk...
ok.. not just people who walk.. but the following categories of really annoying walkers...
a. The slowcoach... the most basic of all annoying walkers, the slow walker, usually in narrow areas with ten shopping backs so you simply cannot get past.
b. The head on attack walker.. you know the one, walks towards you and you just know if you dont dive into a hedge, or a gutter they are going to hit you full in the face.. Its like walking chicken.. who is going to back out first.. but you know they arent going to...
c. The 6 abreast walkers... general from low income areas and holidaying in the south west.. Fat Mum, Fat Dad, four fat kids, 6 abreast across the street, holding ****ing hands with each other.. You cant get around them, you make vague attempts to duck under there linked arms but it fails.. you are forced to simply walk behind them forever and ever...
d. The head on 6 abreast... A cunning combination of the two above tactics, and a walk thats its almost impossible to counteract.. You find yourself forced to turn around and walk in the same direction as them.. before you know it your in mcdonalds with them eating a big mac, drinking supersized shake, and large fries and staying in their caravan...
e. The sudden stopper.. now you dont see many of these around anymore.. the campaign a few years ago to simply punch them in the head when they do it has seen this particular breed of walker pretty much extinct, but you do come across them occasionally.. If you do, punching is no longer socially acceptable.. BUt walking, really ****ing hard into the back of them is..
f. The inconsiderate wheelchair.. Now again, i have all the sympathy in the world for the disabled, the elderly, but i have no sympathy for rude people.. The rude people who think that because they are in a motorised wheelchair that can do 0-30 in about 3 seconds gives them the god given right to charge at you on the street (see head on attack walker subsection 2), batter there way through tesco... My advice with these, stand your ground, dont budge.. if they hit you.. well, where theres blame, theres a claim..
g. The zigzagger.. probably the most frustrating of all the walkers, as you go to pass them on the left, they vear left, you dodge to the right, they vear right, whatever you do they seem to do the same.. you find yourself accelerating and decelerating in an attempt to get past..
h. The static chatter... these arent technically walkers but ive included them anyway... the stop and chatters.. the two people (usually with prams) who decide to have there conversation on a narrow pavement.. you stand there, you wait, you look at them, they look at you, frown, and go back to your conversation, you say excuse me, they ignore you, and you realise the only way around is walking in the road.. Now there is a knack to this, but its dangerous.. you have to leave walking in the road until there is something coming towards you, you have to time it carefully, but just as the car comes down the road, step out into the road, and scream.. you are then legally allowed to plough into the two idiots standing on the pavement as you aviod the car, and if they say a word, simply say "you nearly got me killed by that car"
i. last, but by no means least, the 90 degree'er.. possibly the most annoying.. and most unpredictable.. they walk forwards like a perfectly normal person, and then suddenly, without warning, and for no apparant reason they turn a full ninety degrees and walk in a a straight line right across your path... you crash into them... and they look at you and YOU HAVE TO SAY ****ING SORRY TO THEM... the perfect annoying walker combining strategy, angle, rudeness and pace but masking it behind a normal walk...
watch out for em
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