Lame joke corner

[rickshaw]

OUCH x 26!

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

But it did remind me of a recent story of a fire in a Bilbao department store. So many died in the revolving doors that they now have an ordinance against putting too many Basques in one exit.

An who can forget the image of Gandhi, marching to the sea to make salt, facing the might of the British Empire. No one remembers he also had bad breath. True, he was a super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

 

[krebs303]

 

[krebs303]

 

[RedheadDane]

I too can be lame!

During the TdF, when there was this slight chance that Birdie might've taken yellow and become "a yellow bird" I came up with this rather dumb one:

Guess that'll make him a canary bird...

 

[crapna]

The favourite computer game of Basso and Nibali: Sidilization

 

[42x16ss]

What's brown and sticky?









A stick

 

[42x16ss]

Why did the boy fall off his bike?








Someone threw a fridge at him

 

[42x16ss]

Did you hear about the Dyslexic Agnostic Insomniac?






He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog....

I'll show my self out....

 

[RedheadDane]

Q: What happens if you fall into the Seine?
A: You go In Seine. In Seine = Insane! Geddit!

 

[Bavarianrider]

What do duchies do after they one the soccer World Cup?

They switch off the play station.

 

[on3m@n@rmy]

Okay, I can add to proof of my lameness...

How do you catch a unique rabbit?





You 'neek up on them.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?





Tame way.

 

[Zam_Olyas]

I believe fish and humans can coexist peacefully - George Bush

 

[Zam_Olyas]

If it has wheels or breast it will give you trouble

 

[kazook]

What is Steve jobs doing in the after life.

Making blackberry jam

 

[Bavarianrider]

Ok we are in South Africa during then Appartheit regime.
In a scholl bus the white kids are in the front and the black kids are in the back.
Suddenly the black kids start arguing that they don't want to sit in the back anymore. The black kids and the white kids start to argue and shout at each other. Then the busdriver gets angry and tells the kids to stop fighting and lto leave the bus. So everybody leaves the bus and outside the busdriver tells the kids that there is no reason to argue that all the kids are equall and that it doesn't matter if you are black or white. He tells the kids that from no on they are not black or white anymore, but they are all green.
All the kids are happy and the argument is settled.
Then the busdriver says. "Ok kids, let's move on, time to get back in the bus. The light green ones sit down in the front and the dark green ones sit down in the back

 

[Michielveedeebee]

Nice one Bayerische

 

[krebs303]

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

PUMPKIN PI

 

[krebs303]

Two atoms are walking down the street together. The first atom turns and says, "Hey, you just stole an electron from me!"

"Are you sure?" asks the second atom.

To which the first atom replies, "Yeah, I'm positive!"

 

[krebs303]

A neutron walks into a bar and asks "how much for a beer?" The bartender says, "for you? no charge."

 

[ImmaculateKadence]

A blonde woman upgraded her home and added some nice energy saver windows throughout. About a month passed and she received a bill for the windows and installation. She ignored it. About a month after that she received another, but ignored it as well. This continued for a few months before she finally called the company that sold the windows and complained about the bills. The company told her they weren't paid a dime for the windows or the lablor and that she owes the full amount. She complained that she shouldn't owe anything because the salesman told her the windows would pay for themselves within six months. Ohhhhh!

 

[krebs303]

What do you call a man with no arms or legs who gets into a fight with his cat?


Claude

 

[on3m@n@rmy]

A new priest was giving his first sermon, with the senior priest observing. Afterwards, the young priest asked his mentor how he did. The senior priest said, "You did fine, but seemed a bit nervous. Next time try adding some Vodka to your glass of water." The young priest took his mentor's advice, and after giving the next sermon, he ask his mentor once again how he did. The senior priest said, "You seemed much more relaxed, but you got 3 things wrong...
1) there are 10 Commandments, not 12,
2) there are 12 Desciples, not 10, and
3) David slew Goliath, he didn't kick the s**t out of him."

 

[ramjambunath]

Well drilling is a boring job.

 

[ruamruam]

Did you hear about the carrot that died?


There was a big turnip at his funeral !!

 

[ramjambunath]

Which rider should never board a ship?

Robert Ge-sink