Lame joke corner

[rickshaw]

Q?: How do you get a rock guitarist to turn his amp down?


A: Put some sheet music in front of him.

 

[palmerq]

i'll have to check the rules but i a pretty sure a lot of these are bannable offences S:

 

[RedheadDane]

i'll have to check the rules but i a pretty sure a lot of these are bannable offences S:

Doing a bit of drumming/guitaring in your spare-time?

 

[palmerq]

be nice to me it has been a hard day :S the vet said he had to put my dog down, i asked why and the vet said because he is heavy and his arms were getting tired :S.................




see i'm hip too!

 

[ebandit]

sorry!

i'll have to check the rules but i a pretty sure a lot of these are bannable offences S:

sorry! are our jokes too funny............for the 'lame' joke thread?

 

[on3m@n@rmy]

BAD DAY COMING!

 

[jamiephillips]

The worst pub I've ever been in was called The Fiddle.....

It really was a vile inn....

 

[rickshaw]

Yikes. how did this hap-pun?

The worst pub I've ever been in was called The Fiddle.....

It really was a vile inn....

You heard about the guy who worked at the eye glasses factory? Fell into a grinding machine and made a spectacle out of himself. Its true.

 

[rickshaw]

for you ozzies out there....

BAD DAY COMING!

Looks like "Kenny" is driving the rig.

 

[jamiephillips]

Got some new aftershave today.
It smells of breadcrumbs.

The birds love it!

 

[jamiephillips]

I haven't spoken to my mother in law for years... I can't get a word in edgeways!!

Actually I get on really well with my mother in law..... It's her daughter I can't stand!!

 

[jamiephillips]

Where do mathmaticians go when visiting New York??

Times Square....

 

[Boeing]

what did the elephant say to the naked man?












How do you eat with that?

 

[jamiephillips]

I'm not going to be around for a while.. I'm being investigated for stealing swimming pool inflatables.......
I gotta li-lo.

 

[jamiephillips]

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?...

... Look for the fresh prints.

 

[ebandit]

snow joke

Just got off the phone with a friend who lives in Northern Tip of Scotland. He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare.

He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in !!

 

[Joachim]

What did the batman say to the depressed horse?



Why the long face?

 

[lactictac]

Italian-American Honeymoon

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in New Jersey to say hello to his friends.

Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep?"

Luigi said, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down."

"Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.

"Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central Station. My beautiful Virginia , she pack a biga basket a food.

She brough ta da vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were lookina forward to da trip, and open upa da luncha basket.

The conductore come aby, waga his finger at us anda say, "No eat indisa car. Musta use a dining car.'

So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to da dining car, eat a biga lunch and starta ta open da bottle of a nice a vino!

Conductore walka by again, waga his finger and say, "No drinka in disa car! Musta use a cluba car." So, we go to cluba car.

While a drinkina da vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar. The conductore, he waga is finger again and say, "No a smokina disa car. Musta go to a smokina car."

"We go to a smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar.

Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to a sleeper car anda go to bed. We just about to go boombada boombada and the conductore, he walka through da hallway shouting at a top of his a voice:

"Nofolka Virginia! Nofolka Virginia!"

"Nexta time, I'ma just gonna taka da bus...."

 

[jamiephillips]

This girl reckons she knows me through the Vegetarian Society.

I swear I've never met herbivore........

 

[RedheadDane]

A blonde walks into a bar...
You'd think she would've seen it!

 

[rickshaw]

not another blonde joke!

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.

"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

or.....

There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence. So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country. Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them.

"If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?" she asked. The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed.

"You have 171 sheep," said the blonde in triumph. Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice. She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked. She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked,

"If I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?" The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try.

"You're a blonde! Now give me back my dog."

 

[straitjacker]

Why cannibals don't eat clowns?
They taste funny.