- Feb 16, 2011
- 1,456
- 4
- 0
What did the pig say on a hot day? I'm bakin'.
What's the most dangerous vegetable to have on board a ship? A leak.
What does Kim Kardashian and Bertrand Russell have in common? Umm, Bertie's brain was as big as a fat girl's a$$.
Shoot me. Now. Do me a favor.
What's the most dangerous vegetable to have on board a ship? A leak.
What does Kim Kardashian and Bertrand Russell have in common? Umm, Bertie's brain was as big as a fat girl's a$$.
Shoot me. Now. Do me a favor.
- Mar 11, 2009
- 10,526
- 3,287
- 28,180
Okay, these are getting a little better. That one about the mother-in-law made me laugh pretty good.
- May 20, 2010
- 718
- 1
- 0
Riddle of the Day
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Obama is one.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women..
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi's.
What is it?
Answer
Last name
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Obama is one.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women..
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi's.
What is it?
Answer
Last name
- Feb 25, 2010
- 3,854
- 1
- 0
- Jan 14, 2011
- 504
- 0
- 0
Sven and Ole....
Sven was driving past Ole's farm one day. There was a manure spreader and a tractor with a big sign that read "BOAT FOR SALE". Sven thought, "Dat Ole he must be totally cracy now!" So he went out back of the house where Ole was hanging out his long woolen underwear to dry.
"Ole!" he yelled, "Yust vat da heck are you tinking wid dat sign?"
Ole just smiled, "You alvas tink yer so smart doncha? Vel I got a manuer spreader AND a tractor and der boat fer sale!"
(works best if you can hear the fake Norveejan acent)
Sven was driving past Ole's farm one day. There was a manure spreader and a tractor with a big sign that read "BOAT FOR SALE". Sven thought, "Dat Ole he must be totally cracy now!" So he went out back of the house where Ole was hanging out his long woolen underwear to dry.
"Ole!" he yelled, "Yust vat da heck are you tinking wid dat sign?"
Ole just smiled, "You alvas tink yer so smart doncha? Vel I got a manuer spreader AND a tractor and der boat fer sale!"
(works best if you can hear the fake Norveejan acent)
- Jul 2, 2009
- 3,406
- 1
- 13,485
- Jul 2, 2009
- 3,406
- 1
- 13,485
how many guitar players does it take to screw in a lightbulb???
20, 1 to screw it in. 19 to say i could have done it better......
20, 1 to screw it in. 19 to say i could have done it better......
- Jul 2, 2009
- 3,406
- 1
- 13,485
- Aug 7, 2010
- 404
- 0
- 0
- Jul 2, 2009
- 3,406
- 1
- 13,485
Producer: sir, we need you to sing tenor.
Singer: really? ok.
Producer: yeah, ten or twelve miles away...
Singer: really? ok.
Producer: yeah, ten or twelve miles away...
- Mar 13, 2009
- 625
- 0
- 0
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
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