The Official Lance-Oprah Excuse Contest

[dermotmeagher]

It will be a fluff job.

With an intruiging reversal of the usual stereotypical gender roles, however.

 

[zalacain]

11) Oh, before you leave here's the list of everybody I've been supplying.

 

[doperhopper]

most probably we'll hear also the usual "never failed a test"/"500+ tests" ones... and maybe even the ultimate "orange juice" argument

 

[auscyclefan94]

Johan tied me down at night, drew blood out of me and then re-injected it.

 

[Benotti69]

It will be a fluff job.

<snip>

does that mean there'll be girls from the yellow rose there too

 

[86TDFWinner]

You all are forgetting the best one:

"Over 500-800 tests and never been positive"

"The Olsen twins made me do it"

"I won't fight any charges against me, I'm done.

 

[Avoriaz]

Hmm, news reports are suggesting that he has spent time talking to other riders who have confessed to doping. Of course that could just be stalking the likes of George and Levi for revenge....

 

[blackcat]

When lance cries about being forced to dope Oprah will understand. She was forced to eat 2 dozen Krispy Kreme for breakfast

also forced to have two cockroaches as pets. come on Oprah you can do better.

http://blog.zap2it.com/pop2it/2010/...ut-growing-up-poor-and-whos-her-real-dad.html

 

[blackcat]

It will be a fluff job.

With an intruiging reversal of the usual stereotypical gender roles, however.

will a "hostess" from Yellow Rose be brought in as the fluffer?

 

[blackcat]

I have done too much good for too many people.

 

[Kernel]

epic

Didn't someone here forecasted that Oprah would have the scoop. I still find this to bizarre to be true. Please Oprah; do invite mr. Tygart aswell.

**Grabbing a huge basket of popcorn**

 

[GazelleFormula]

"Nobody deserves to be treated like this"
"I passed all the tests I needed to pass"

Don't think I'll make it trough 90 minutes of that sort of crap. Only if it truly will be a tell-all interview, but that just isn't going to happen.

 

[veganrob]

I am really just a modern day Robin Hood. Stealing from the public and giving to cure cancer. With a small percentage for me. Really. It's not really stealing if the people are stupid. I am just taking the money they would normally spend on Bud Light and pork rinds. That is all it is. I've never lied. Never tested positive. 1000 times.
And now they want to ban me from triathlons. I invented triathlon. I'm kinda like Mother Theresa in a Speedo. Wanna see? Did you ever wear a Speedo Oprah? They are not that comfortable. Or flattering in your case. Neve mind that.

 

[thehog]

I expect some hard hitting questions from Oprah:

"Was the Governing Body EPO aware you might have been taking UCI?"

"How many Hemocrit did you you put in your water bottle each race?"

"What are you thoughts on Tyler Landis now?"


Oprah knows cycling.

 

[johnsiviour]

No way will LA admit anything more than he currently has placed on the record (IMO).

He may, (very unlikely) indicate that on occasion YB, MM or other provided him with some herbal remedy or other, but of course this was not doping....then trot out all the standard lines: 900+ tests, always did my best for LStrong etc.

Even more unlikely: "I guess it is possible, but can't believe it, that somebody spiked some of my medication/food/drink. But even then the testing authorities are so inept that they didn't pick up a positive".

Iff he gets tripped up (inconceivable! PB allusion), then he will play the victim card.

 

[Benotti69]

William 'Omerta' Fotheringham piece 10 years too late

http://www.guardian.co.uk/tv-and-radio/blog/2013/jan/09/ten-questions-oprah-winfrey-lance-armstrong

pity some more so called 'journalists' didn't ask harder questiosn when Walsh, Kimmage and Ballester were asking Armstrong about his doping.

 

[thehog]

This is good.


The words and phrases that may be used by Armstrong, and Ladbrokes' odds:

Sorry 1/4
Apologise 1/4
Confess evens
Conspiracy 1/2
Innocent evens
David Walsh 2/1
Paul Kimmage 2/1
Sunday Times 4/1
British Press/media 4/1
Witch hunt 2/1
Integrity 6/4
Never tested positive Evens
Livestrong 1/4
Team Sky 8/1
Bradley Wiggins 4/1
Sir David Brailsford 8/1
USADA 4/6
WADA 6/4
Tour de France 1/8
Floyd Landis 4/1
Tyler Hamilton 6/4
George Hincapie 4/1
Johan Bruyneel 4/1
Dr. Michele Ferrari 5/6
EPO 6/4

http://www.cyclingweekly.co.uk/news...e-armstrong-will-use-during-tv-interview.html

 

[Deagol]

Hah,

I remember reading in the Clinic about a year or so ago that "Lance should go on Oprah" ...

Seems someone is listening.
Unfortunatetly, I think some of you are doing a good defense job for him, if even done so mockingly. The Honey Boo-Boo's of the world watching Oprah will unfortunately not know the difference.

As for my excuse:

Tom Danielson inspired me do it, while preaching about "our bad-a$$* sport" at a training camp with Patrick Dempsey in Socal..

*(emphasis on the dollar signs)

 

[Jack Ruby]

Last summer I had very difficult decision to make.

Did I want to spend a lot of time and money fighting the charges against USADA or was my time better spent serving my family and the cancer community.

I believe the USADA process to be one sided and unfair.
The system is rigged, you can look at their record, they never lose a case.
Many of my accusers had for profit book deals, were themselves caught PED users who were promised leniency in exchange for testifying.

I could have fought to save my name.
I reallized then they can't take away from me what I have accomplished.
If you ask any of my contemporaries on the tour or the all time greats, to a man, they know will acknowledge who won those 7 tours.
That is not in doubt.

Though the last 12 months have been very difficult, the decision has become easy.

27 million cancer survivors livestrong has served, my family and friends are all that matter to me.

 

[DirtyWorks]

...
5. Lance will show some tears
...

Not possible. The guy had a terrible scene an otherwise dumb-funny movie just trying to play "lance Armstrong, the winner."

 

[Benotti69]

Not possible. The guy had a terrible scene an otherwise dumb-funny movie just trying to play "lance Armstrong, the winner."

they'll be CGI tears

 

[The_Z_man]

will a "hostess" from Yellow Rose be brought in as the fluffer?

I never went there myself, but a friend of mine has a great story about the Yellow Rose.

This should be a drinking game. Every time Lance uses one of his defenders favorite phrases, you have to drink. Everyone will have passed out long before it's over.

P.S.

Bradley Wiggins 4/1

That should be Sir Bradley Wiggins.

 

[Cloxxki]

biological father.
only child
teenage main income provider through national level sports

I want triple word score on those.

 

[hfer07]

Travis Tygert, USADA, Greg Lemond, Tyler Hamilton, Floyd Landis, Paul Kimmage, David Walsh, the Andreu's & y'all behind this witch hunt hate me because they surely must love cancer!!! U feel me Oprah?

 

[noddy69]

Oprah what the hell do you mean the cheque bounced and you brought on travis !!!