Unbelievable doping excuses

[python]

my favourite is when a biochemistry major professional cyclist in just several months after hamilton failed the same drug, says 'i never heard of it before'.

no, it's not funny to my ilk.

 

[Ibanez]

LaShawn Meritt is claiming the DHEA he tested positive for is a result of his penis enlargement pills.

 

[Epicycle]

There was a european amateur 4-5 years ago who got busted with syringes as part of a bigger investigation. He said he just used them for cleaning his wheels.

 

[hfer07]

for me,the best has to be the "enhancing properties of Whiskey" by FLandis.....
& Vino claimed in 07 that "somehow" someone else's blood got into his blood stream when he had a crash on the first week and therefore he popped positive for homologous blood transfusion....

 

[ElChingon]

Gilberto Simoni: His Peruvian candies contained cocaine.

I've actually tried these, I doubt they have enough cocaine to have you test positive unless you eat several bags of these candies. By the way, you're allowed to bring them back to the US, if they were truely bad they wouldn't let you bring them back.

 

[python]

armstrong: i don't age like 'them'

-from his interview to outside magazine

 

[Escarabajo]

rumour has it that rumsas' mother-in-law is a dog, but i digress...

lol.

..............

 

[krebs303]

I've actually tried these, I doubt they have enough cocaine to have you test positive unless you eat several bags of these candies. By the way, you're allowed to bring them back to the US, if they were truely bad they wouldn't let you bring them back.

I believe the candies are made with coca leaves which is what cocaine is derived from.

And don't drink any soda in Bolivia

Coca Colla hopes to create a buzz in Bolivia

 

[Oldman]

I believe the candies are made with coca leaves which is what cocaine is derived from.

And don't drink any soda in Bolivia

Coca Colla hopes to create a buzz in Bolivia

Or drink all you can. Coca Cola was rumored to have an active amount of coca leaf enhancement until the 30's or 40's.

 

[BroDeal]

Or drink all you can. Coca Cola was rumored to have an active amount of coca leaf enhancement until the 30's or 40's.

That was not a rumor. That is why it is called Coke. All cocaine was gone by the end of the 20's. In the thirty years before that the amount had decreased to miniscule levels.

 

[Michielveedeebee]

That was not a rumor. That is why it is called Coke. All cocaine was gone by the end of the 20's. In the thirty years before that the amount had decreased to miniscule levels.

not true, all coke dissapeared in the 80's we learned it in English class

 

[BroDeal]

not true, all coke dissapeared in the 80's we learned it in English class

Obviously someone forgot to tell Martina Hingis. That is what women's tenniss needs: More coke, less steroids.

 

[Winterfold]

the penis-enlargement one continues to crack me up.

FFS! You've been busted - no need to humiliate yourself further.

Gilbo's coke excuse is also good, mainly because he got off with it.

 

[Martinello]

Richard Gasquet's coke-chick excuse gets my vote (http://forum.cyclingnews.com/showthread.php?t=5240).

Ferretti's explanation for the huge amount of PEDs found with the MG-Technogym during the Giro of 1997 was also out of the ordinary:
'It's for my own personal use - for enhancing my sexual performances'

 

[krebs303]

Or drink all you can. Coca Cola was rumored to have an active amount of coca leaf enhancement until the 30's or 40's.

not a rumor

"But most famously, coca leaves helped to give the kick in Coca-Cola's original formula. The company dropped cocaine from its recipe more than 100 years go, but the secret formula still calls for a cocaine-free coca extract.

The Coca-Cola Company is said to import eight tons of coca leaves from South America each year, mainly from Peru. "

 

[IntheMidwest]

Saddle sore.......

 

[isayic]

Jesús Rosendo Prado has managed to come up with an excuse for doping that I have not heard before: Haemorrhoids. Not quite as good as saying that your stash of dope was for your mother-in-law or your dog but still pretty good.

We need a list of the best excuses.

The loss of blood because of haemorrhoids is not so unbelieveable as you might think. Blood loss often leads to irregular blood values.

 

[ergmonkey]

How about Tom Boonen's attempt to assuage our fears? 'Don't worry. I don't have a cocaine problem. It's just that sometimes I get black-out drunk and lose all control, doing crazy things.'

Bottom line: Tommeke likes to party. Party on, Tom.

 

[CycloErgoSum]

"I didn't do it!"

 

[CycloErgoSum]

"I've never doped."

"But retroactive tests show there's EPO in your blood."

"I'm sorry you feel that way. The Age of Reason never happened for me."

 

[CycloErgoSum]

"I've never had a TUE"

"Hey, you're positive for cortisone!"

"Here's my TUE."

 

[CycloErgoSum]

"I'm special; my mom always told me so. I'm a living, breathing, winning miracle. I'm sorry you don't believe in my transcendence. Try genuflecting when I walk in a room, you might start to get it then. By the way, believe in these two massive dopers standing next to me that I soundly beat every day of the week."

 

[CycloErgoSum]

"It's only cycling. It's. Only. Cycling," before reclining into a chaise lounge on the deck of a mansion and lighting a cigarette with a $500 bill.

 

[CycloErgoSum]

"Hey, blood doping paraphenalia's just been found in your hotel."

*Gulp

'Ok, denial mode, check. Conspiracy theories, check, Open chequebook, check, SSDD twitter, check.'

 

[CycloErgoSum]

"I'm sorry....for all of you faithless, worthless ba$tards."