BIKESNOBnyc is a Vino-Lover
Allow me to quote liberally from his collection of pro-Vino writing:
[NOTE: I couldn't post all of the original images, which are integral to the humor of the posts, so please follow this link at some point and see all of the originals... http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/search?q=Vino]
Though Vinokourov has won Liège-Bastogne-Liège once before in 2005, he also spent two years under suspension for blood doping. Specifically, he tested positive for a
humongous blood transfusion. (This is basically a really big blood transfusion, and it should not be confused with
an autolingus transfusion, which requires that you be able to "lick yourself" and is much more common in dog racing than in human sports.) Consequently, Vinokourov is aware that he's still under suspicion, but while his hands may reek of "La Doyenne"
he insists that his victory--as well as his conscience--is as clean as a dog's groin after a lengthy autolingus session: [PHOTO OF VINO WRITINGS]
I'm inclined to believe him. For one thing, having served his time, it seems unlikely he'd risk getting caught again as this would certainly end his career. For another, I don't even believe that Vinokourov cheated in the first place and indeed suspect that he was the victim of a massive conspiracy. Consider the fact that he supposedly "tested positive for two different blood cell populations and thus for homologous transfusion." This would imply that he received blood cells from a donor.
However, it's well-known that Vinokourov is more in love with himself than any other rider in the professional peloton. Not even Lance Armstrong or Alberto Contador has ever raced in a jersey bearing his own likeness:

Consequently, I find it very difficult to believe that the first-ever rider to break the "
fourth wall of self-promotion" would deign to accept another's blood into his own veins. If anything, he would have opted for the "auto" method--not for performance-enhancing reasons, but because for the profoundly vain there is no more intoxicating drug than your own bodily fluids and secretions. (Earwax is the egoist's sweet potato.) And if Vinokourov were able to successfully engage in the act of autolingus, it's highly unlikely his
directeur sportif would be able to get him off the team bus, much less across the finish line of a cycling "Monument" in first place. Then again, he did spend like an hour and a half "making out" with his own reflection after the race:

Still, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. Says Vinokourov, "I worked very hard during my two years’ ban to be able to come back and be productive at a high level," and there is certainly
plenty of photographic evidence to support his claim that he was indeed training hard during his suspension: [PHOTO OF CONAN AS VINO]
I'm sure I'm not the only cycling fan who is tremendously excited about Vino's new show on TBS.
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Thursday, August 13, 2009
Undeterred: Powered by Ego, Repelled by Disgust
Sometimes when a professional cyclist leaves the sport for awhile the time spent out of competition can re-charge both his competitive spirit and his ego. There is one Astana rider in particular who has recently made a much-publicized comeback, and whose ego has swelled up like a saddle sore in the intervening years. I am talking of course about Alexander Vinokourov, seen here
wearing a jersey in the "Alexander Vinokourov" egoway:

Like any sport, professional cycling involves a bit of showmanship, and there's certainly nothing wrong with that. Over the years, we've come to expect a bit of attention-grabbing "flambullience," whether it's Mario Cipollini's
smarmy insouciance, Vladimir Karpets's
heroic mullet and facial hair configuration, or Mark Cavendish's
cat-cleaning-its-ear victory salute. Furthermore, it stands to reason that sponsors also like to get into the act, providing their more popular riders with things like
custom-painted bikes and
idiotic glasses. However, when Vinokourov put on a jersey bearing his own photorealistic likeness, he arguably went further than any rider before him ever has by promoting himself with a picture of himself on himself, thus essentially breaking the "fourth wall" of self-promotion.
I suppose we shouldn't be surprised to see this level of audacity from Vinokourov, who has long pushed the boundaries of acceptable behavior. For example, his insistence on waxing his eyebrows has long vexed the professional peloton. In cycling, opponents will often study each-other's faces for signs of weakness, but Vinokourov's hairless brow belies his suffering. Take this photo for instance: [PHOTO OF VINO ATTACKING]
Is Vinokourov fiercely determined, or is he in a world of pain? It's almost impossible to tell. If he had eyebrows though we'd know at a glance:

Obviously, the Vinokourov on the left is fiercely determined, and the Vinokourov on the right is in a world of pain. And now that he's back, between his lack of eyebrows and his Vinokourov jersey he may well be unstoppable.