Amstel Lolled race.
Once again, team Raboskank was the red hot favorite for this race. With quality riders such as Timmy Loves Rabo, theyoungest, TheSheep, Moondance, Havetts and ak-zaaf, this team looked unstoppable on paper. They also had Dekker_Tifosi at the start, a talented rider who has never won a single race, but acts as if he has already won 9 Grand Tours, 17 monuments and 3 world titles. The wild cards for this race were awarded to “Team Nerd”, “Team Bikes in Babes” and “Team Cat Thread”. “Team Dog Thread” wasn’t invited by the race organizers, because they were a lot like “Team Cat Thread”, but less talented and less furry.
In the first kilometers we saw a whole bunch of attacks. HTC’s Bavarianrider was the first one to attack, but was countered furiously by the whole peloton. Many riders didn’t appreciate the irrational style of the German powerhouse and quickly brought him back to try and reason with him, but he wouldn’t let them and decided to attack the bunch again but this time it looked even more ridiculous and he had to let go on the next hill. His fellow countryman Cobblestoned still tried to bring him back to the front, but had to give up on him because he was just too hopeless.
The next one to attack was BMC rider dlwssonic. His team leader ACF sent him to the front to promote the awesomeness of team BMC. It didn’t work at all and BMC became even less popular, mostly because their team just wasn’t that good. They are considering getting reinforcements for next year, but for now it looks like nobody wants to join them.
The breakaway of the day was formed after 15 kilometers of racing. Sasquatch, c&cfan, Zamasailo and pedaling squares joined forces and quickly got a 12 minute lead over the peloton. Meanwhile, an unlikely coalition was formed between Raboskank (Dekker_Tifosi) and “Team Gilbert-ManCrush” (E. Pistolet) and they began nibbling away at the lead.
The exciting start of the race was followed by the usual eventless chunk of racing. At kilometer 180, the lead had shrunk to 4 minutes and everything was going smoothly until Tifosi and Pistolet started to disagree on something. It is still unclear what they were squabbling about, but the rest of the peloton clearly had no clue what was going on. A furious Tifosi then foolishly decided to start leading the pursuit himself, while Pistolet instructed his troops to cease all efforts. Throughout the entire time Tifosi and Pistolet were seen yelling and swearing at each other.
For the next 20 kilometers Tifosi ferociously pulled the peloton, leaving an immense footprint on the race. His frantic pace caused many riders to abandon, including himself. With more than 50 kilometers to go, the peloton had almost reached the front group and most of the riders in the peloton were completely cooked by then. Raboskank kept leading the peloton, this time at a more sensible pace.
Meanwhile Dekker_Tifosi had already sent out a press release stating that all riders in the peloton were now on his ignore list.
On the Eyserbosweg, the peloton finally caught up with the break and Jobiwan (Team Nerd) decided to shake up the status quo. He was soon joined by 7 more riders: FoxxyBrown1111 (Team Fantasy-Games), mewmewmew13 (Team Cat-Thread), luckyboy (Team Moderator-Censorship), Alpe d'Huez (Team F*cking-Administrators), Scott SoCal (Team Bikes in Babes), El Pistolet (Team Gilbert-ManCrush) and theyoungest (Raboskank).
The lead group of 8 immediately had a respectable lead on the peloton that still showed distinct signs of fatigue. It was already clear by then that the lead group contained the strongest riders left in the race. The 8 cooperated excellently and for a while it looked like they were going to, fight it out on the Cauberg. But on the Keutenberg, the penultimate climb of the day, luckyboy unleashed a powerful attacked that could only be answered by theyoungest and FoxxyBrown1111. At the top they had established a lead of 15 seconds. The rest of the group got organized immediately after the climb and had almost bridged the gap to the 3 leaders, when El Pistolet suddenly decided to stop cooperating in the pursuit. This gave the leading trio a chance to extend their lead and at the foot of the Cauberg they had more than 25 seconds over the chase group.
Luckyboy attacked prematurely on the first part of the hill, clearly intimidated by the slim lead. Theyoungest and FoxxyBrown1111 kept their cool and cunningly followed in his wheel. Meanwhile Scott SoCal had launched an attack from the chase group, but was countered vigorously by El Pistolet. With 500 meters to go FoxxyBrown1111 darted away, theyoungest was the only one the res
pond, while luckyboy had to let go definitively. Foxxybrown1111 kept his small lead over theyoungest and comfortably finished in first place. El Pistolet still managed to pass luckyboy and secured the last podium spot.
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