I don’t even know where to start with that. It doesn’t make any sense; I can’t identify with it at all. It’s like an alien spoke it. You’re completely at peace after making a decision to live a secretive life based on perpetual cheating? Incomprehensible.
You feel like this is a new you, without limitations? Yes, sure, you’re new. But don’t you see the giant new limitation you’ve just established?
You see yourself as no longer having the deck stacked against you? And didn’t see yourself as now one of the people stacking the deck?
You didn’t consider that you had just become one of the guys you had used as a source of righteous indignation a few pages earlier? (“The fuel I drew on now was derived and distilled from my take on justice and retribution.”)
Nope, you seem perfectly at ease, defending the ongoing doping program as “conservative.”
Oh, well in that case, by all means carry on.