Krebs' Free form/Chaos Thread

[usedtobefast]

 

[usedtobefast]

 

[usedtobefast]

 

[usedtobefast]

 

[usedtobefast]

 

[ramjambunath]

 

[ramjambunath]

Genius, sheer genius.

 

[ramjambunath]

 

[ramjambunath]

 

[ramjambunath]

 

[ramjambunath]

 

[ramjambunath]

 

[Black-Balled]

 

[Black-Balled]

 

[ramjambunath]

 

[ramjambunath]

 

[ramjambunath]

 

[ramjambunath]

Once when Red Skelton was being interviewed he was asked if he ever was at a loss for words. He hesitated a minute then said, "I dreamed I died and went to heaven. Just as I was taken before God, he sneezed...and I just didn't know what to say to Him!"

 

[ramjambunath]

Why I fired my secretary.

Last week was my 40th birthday and I really didn't feel like waking up that morning. I managed to pull myself together and go downstairs for breakfast, hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday." I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember.

My kids came trampling down the stairs to breakfast, ate their breakfast, and didn't say a word to me. So when I made it out of the house and started for work, I felt pretty dumpy and despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Joanne said, "Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!" It felt a bit better knowing that at least someone remembered. I worked in a zombie like fashion until about one o'clock, when Joanne knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your Birthday, why don't we go out for lunch, just you and me." I said, "Thanks, Joanne, that's the best thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"

We went to lunch but not where we'd normally go. Instead she took me to a quiet bistro with a private table. We had a couple of mixed drinks and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Joanne said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't have to go right back to the office, do we?" I replied with "I suppose not. What do you have in mind?" She said, "Let's go to my apartment, it's just around the corner."

After arriving at her apartment, Joanne turned to me and said, "Boss if you don't mind, I'm goinna to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back." "Ok." I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake...

Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends, and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".

And I just sat there...

On the couch...

Naked.

 

[ramjambunath]

A couple of women were playing golf on a sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward the foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.
The women rushed to the man and began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you would allow me", she told him earnestly.

"Ummph, oooh, nooo,I'll be alright. I'll be fine in a few minutes", he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.

But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side. She loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him, "How does that feel?"

He replied," It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."

 

[ramjambunath]

 

[Thomsena]

 

[krebs303]

 

[krebs303]

 

[krebs303]