- Feb 25, 2011
- 2,538
- 0
- 11,480
how dare he accuse me?!? i did not fail a test!
it was merely vodka in my blood... vodka! (cheap Polish $hit, not the pure Russian mother's milk)
i even offered to ride naked through the streets to prove my innocence but, no! no one ever took me up on it
thirteen has served her penance and that is why thirteen will now never let anything other than añejo tequilas touch her lips.
13-4-ever!
- Jun 22, 2009
- 10,644
- 2
- 0
Havetts said:Oh god Hitch, thanks for bringing a HUGE smile on my face after waking up 15 minutes ago.
That is most definitely my favorite wonder-lance quote. epic.
- Feb 20, 2010
- 33,064
- 15,257
- 28,180
craig1985 said:
We've not had any climbs yet, the only categorised climb was in the stage I won. I've not held on to any cars yet.
Motorbikes, helicopters, teammates, quad bikes, lowriders, segways and the occasional hovercraft perhaps, but cars? No.
- Feb 15, 2011
- 2,886
- 2
- 0
@ Hitchy boy: lol. It took me a long time to read all that stuff on my mobile.
Bommy?
I'll get on it this week Zama. Riders are subscribing as we speak.
On Saturday I'll be gone for 12 days. Another holiday for me. Awesome.
After that, it'll be all work and no play for Bommy
zamasailo said:
Bommy?
I'll get on it this week Zama. Riders are subscribing as we speak.
On Saturday I'll be gone for 12 days. Another holiday for me. Awesome.
After that, it'll be all work and no play for Bommy
- Feb 25, 2010
- 3,854
- 1
- 0
boomcie said:Bommy?
I'll get on it this week Zama. Riders are subscribing as we speak.
On Saturday I'll be gone for 12 days. Another holiday for me. Awesome.
After that, it'll be all work and no play for Bommy
Oi Bommy, young lad
I'd like to subscribe for this race
- Jun 22, 2009
- 10,644
- 2
- 0
zamasailo said:
haha. umm, stage 4 coming soon. Probably weekend. Be on the lookout for more jobiwan badluck
Stage 5 and especially 6 the first big tests tho. Whom will be king at Monte CQ Ranking
with that in mind boomy
I think I feel a TLR domination coming, amirite?
- Feb 25, 2010
- 3,854
- 1
- 0
Timmy-loves-Rabo said:haha. umm, stage 4 coming soon. Probably weekend. Be on the lookout for more jobiwan badluck
Stage 5 and especially 6 the first big tests tho. Whom will be king at Monte CQ Ranking
with that in mind boomy
More like MVDB domination
- Jun 22, 2009
- 10,644
- 2
- 0
Michielveedeebee said:More like MVDB domination
somone just signed thier fate on monte cq *cough* autobus *cough*
- Feb 25, 2010
- 3,854
- 1
- 0
- Feb 15, 2011
- 2,886
- 2
- 0
Timmy-loves-Rabo said:haha. umm, stage 4 coming soon. Probably weekend. Be on the lookout for more jobiwan badluck
Stage 5 and especially 6 the first big tests tho. Whom will be king at Monte CQ Ranking
with that in mind boomy
Looking forward to the next stages bro.
We'll see. Tonight my report will be ready.
- Feb 25, 2010
- 3,854
- 1
- 0
thirteen said:oh dear, all of this is really going over my head
i don't know enough to **** you off, other than to maybe call you by the wrong name? sigh.
just join the Belgian mafia
- Jun 22, 2009
- 10,644
- 2
- 0
Havetts said:Or a mafiosi domination
damn right brother.
you cannot beat us, join us or face the consequences.
thirteen said:oh dear, all of this is really going over my head
i don't know enough to **** you off, other than to maybe call you by the wrong name? sigh.
you know enough to understand the belgium mafia is equivalent to a crit race.
- Jul 28, 2010
- 2,274
- 0
- 0
Timmy-loves-Rabo said:haha. umm, stage 4 coming soon. Probably weekend.Be on the lookout for more jobiwan badluck
Stage 5 and especially 6 the first big tests tho. Whom will be king at Monte CQ Ranking
with that in mind boomy I think I feel a TLR domination coming, amirite?
If this trend keeps up, Lantern Rouge is mine, or does BavarianRider already have that honor after dropping on the speedbumps?
Either way, if I lose enough time, I should be set free and be able to claim KOM points, stage wins, and the such like, amirite?
- Feb 15, 2011
- 2,886
- 2
- 0
Cobbled classic: Pariah-Roulette
In recent weeks, a few riders had notably manifested themselves as favorites for the victory. According to the notorious gazette DAOTEC free press, these were the main favorites for the race:
***** Dreizehn (Thirteen, Ed.), Michielveedeebee
**** El Enganche (The Hitch, Ed.), The Baguette (El Pistolet, Ed.), Jobiwan
*** Dekker_Fanów (Dekker_Tifosi, Ed.), Gekasseid (Cobblestoned, Ed.), Lanark
** Libertijnse Verzekering (Libertine Seguros, Ed.), Zamasailo, Étaitrapide (usedtobefast, Ed.), Timmy loves **** (Timmy Loves Rabo, Ed.)
* Duck (Parrulo, Ed.), Ingsve, ilpiùgiovane (theyoungest, Ed.), Scott SoCal
Remarkably, one of the pre-race favorites didn’t even make it to the start. Dekker_Tifosi had put so many people on the ignore list that he wasn’t aware the race took place until he saw it on TV at noon. Earlier this week, Tifosi had already made the news with another embarrassing story. The Dutch cyclist had admitted to the use of “roids” to doping officials, but as it turned out had been consuming human hemorrhoids for over two years. The suppliers of these goods were, of course, instantly put on the mega ignore list.
The race itself started rather furiously. Unconventionally nobody succeeded to get away for over 60 kilometers, but after a long and tiresome battle, an unusually strong break was formed. While the peloton finally slowed down, Ingsve (Team Viking-Biking), Libertine Seguros (Team Tedious Racing), theyoungest (Team Raboskank), ACF (Team Einzelgänger) and Zinoviev Letter (Team Conspiracies-Againstme) were well on their way toward the first cobbled sections.
In the front group, ACF was telling theyoungest all about BMC’s newest signing: Cardboard Zabriskie. In spite of this horrible anecdote, everything was going very well in the front group. Theyoungest and Zinoviev Letter were ignoring each other and this was instrumental to the lead group’s success, as the two riders weren’t exactly known for their mutual understanding. Meanwhile, Libertine Seguros was seen chatting with his DS Stephen Hawking, who was the inventor of the most tedious and villainous race pattern of all time.
At the half-way stage, the lead group had a 10 minute lead over the peloton. El Pistolet and Thirteen were starting to understand the danger of the undertaking and rallied their troops. Michielveedeebee had taken a tumble and had to be treated by the race doctor for a gaping wound near his elbow.
In the meantime, Dekker_Tifosi had released a press statement saying that he would keep ingesting hemorrhoids, thus irrefutably proving that all his adversaries were wrong to make fun of him.
On the Trouée d’Arseberg, the peloton’s deficit had been cut back to 6 minutes. As usual, natural selection did its work on the most gruesome of cobbled sections and under the infernal pace of Thirteen a group of 20 riders was formed. On the next cobbled section the group was reduced even further when Usedtobefast and Scott SoCal accelerated on the crown of the cobbles. We now had two compact groups battling it out for victory.
The initial breakaway of 5 still had an advantage of 4 minutes, but was being chased down by an elite group of 11 (The Hitch, Thirteen, MichielVeedeebee, Cobblestoned, Ingsve, Scott SoCal, Jobiwan, Usedtobefast, Zamasailo, Havetts and Timmy Loves Rabo). Pre-race favorites El Pistolet, Parrullo and Lanark were all caught up in a major crash and were no longer in contention.
Then, out of the blue, the front group was disturbed by the inevitable conflict between theyoungest and Zivoniev Letter. Theyoungest had reportedly signaled a bad patch of pavement with a movement of his hand, which was interpreted by Zivoniev Letter as an offensive gesture. Zivoniev no longer trusted anyone in the group and started having serious delusions. According to the race psychiatrist Zivoniev had told him that theyoungest wanted to murder him and that the others wanted to rape him an*lly with a cattle prod.
With the front group completely disorganized it was only a matter of time until the two groups would merge. And so it happened, at kilometer 215 we had a lead group of 16 riders. Unfortunately Zivoniev Letter immediately decided to leave the race, as he was too intimidated by all his “enemies”.
With every cobbled section the group was trimmed further. Libertine Seguros and ACF were completely cooked and couldn’t keep up on the rough patches, Zamasailo had to let go with a flat tire. Furthermore, Jobiwan was taken out of the race, because he had deliberately pushed TLR, causing TLR and Cobblestoned to crash, taking them both out of contention. After the race Jobiwan declared that “Timmy had it coming”.
On the legendary “Carretree de Quatre”, Thirteen took the lead and immediately strung out the group. Only Scott SoCal, MichielVeedeebee, The Hitch and Havetts followed in her lead. Moments later VDB, seemingly unhindered by the wound on his elbow, passed Thirteen and placed a phenomenal acceleration. Surprisingly, the only ones to respond were Havetts and Scott SoCal.
With just 10 kilometers to go we had 3 leaders and all three of them were looking very strong. At 35 seconds we had a group of 5 led by the greatest classics rider of her generation: Thirteen. The lead trio wasn’t planning on letting the chase group return and took turns at the front. 3 kilometers from the line the Hitch threw a bombshell in the chase group, gunning for 4th place.
Meanwhile in the front group Havetts refused to take turns. Under the red flag the Dutch talent then rocketed away, but Michielveedeebee dragged himself back to his wheel. At this point Havetts swerved to the right and unsuccessfully tried to get back in third position. With 300 meters to go Havetts was passed by VDB who got a small gap on Scot SoCal. Dramatically, VDB slowed down with just 50 meters to go, while Scot SoCal made a huge effort and pipped him on the line.
Havetts finished 3rd and the Hitch managed to stay clear of a disappointed Thirteen, who beat the rest of the chase group for fifth place.
In recent weeks, a few riders had notably manifested themselves as favorites for the victory. According to the notorious gazette DAOTEC free press, these were the main favorites for the race:
***** Dreizehn (Thirteen, Ed.), Michielveedeebee
**** El Enganche (The Hitch, Ed.), The Baguette (El Pistolet, Ed.), Jobiwan
*** Dekker_Fanów (Dekker_Tifosi, Ed.), Gekasseid (Cobblestoned, Ed.), Lanark
** Libertijnse Verzekering (Libertine Seguros, Ed.), Zamasailo, Étaitrapide (usedtobefast, Ed.), Timmy loves **** (Timmy Loves Rabo, Ed.)
* Duck (Parrulo, Ed.), Ingsve, ilpiùgiovane (theyoungest, Ed.), Scott SoCal
Remarkably, one of the pre-race favorites didn’t even make it to the start. Dekker_Tifosi had put so many people on the ignore list that he wasn’t aware the race took place until he saw it on TV at noon. Earlier this week, Tifosi had already made the news with another embarrassing story. The Dutch cyclist had admitted to the use of “roids” to doping officials, but as it turned out had been consuming human hemorrhoids for over two years. The suppliers of these goods were, of course, instantly put on the mega ignore list.
The race itself started rather furiously. Unconventionally nobody succeeded to get away for over 60 kilometers, but after a long and tiresome battle, an unusually strong break was formed. While the peloton finally slowed down, Ingsve (Team Viking-Biking), Libertine Seguros (Team Tedious Racing), theyoungest (Team Raboskank), ACF (Team Einzelgänger) and Zinoviev Letter (Team Conspiracies-Againstme) were well on their way toward the first cobbled sections.
In the front group, ACF was telling theyoungest all about BMC’s newest signing: Cardboard Zabriskie. In spite of this horrible anecdote, everything was going very well in the front group. Theyoungest and Zinoviev Letter were ignoring each other and this was instrumental to the lead group’s success, as the two riders weren’t exactly known for their mutual understanding. Meanwhile, Libertine Seguros was seen chatting with his DS Stephen Hawking, who was the inventor of the most tedious and villainous race pattern of all time.
At the half-way stage, the lead group had a 10 minute lead over the peloton. El Pistolet and Thirteen were starting to understand the danger of the undertaking and rallied their troops. Michielveedeebee had taken a tumble and had to be treated by the race doctor for a gaping wound near his elbow.
In the meantime, Dekker_Tifosi had released a press statement saying that he would keep ingesting hemorrhoids, thus irrefutably proving that all his adversaries were wrong to make fun of him.
On the Trouée d’Arseberg, the peloton’s deficit had been cut back to 6 minutes. As usual, natural selection did its work on the most gruesome of cobbled sections and under the infernal pace of Thirteen a group of 20 riders was formed. On the next cobbled section the group was reduced even further when Usedtobefast and Scott SoCal accelerated on the crown of the cobbles. We now had two compact groups battling it out for victory.
The initial breakaway of 5 still had an advantage of 4 minutes, but was being chased down by an elite group of 11 (The Hitch, Thirteen, MichielVeedeebee, Cobblestoned, Ingsve, Scott SoCal, Jobiwan, Usedtobefast, Zamasailo, Havetts and Timmy Loves Rabo). Pre-race favorites El Pistolet, Parrullo and Lanark were all caught up in a major crash and were no longer in contention.
Then, out of the blue, the front group was disturbed by the inevitable conflict between theyoungest and Zivoniev Letter. Theyoungest had reportedly signaled a bad patch of pavement with a movement of his hand, which was interpreted by Zivoniev Letter as an offensive gesture. Zivoniev no longer trusted anyone in the group and started having serious delusions. According to the race psychiatrist Zivoniev had told him that theyoungest wanted to murder him and that the others wanted to rape him an*lly with a cattle prod.
With the front group completely disorganized it was only a matter of time until the two groups would merge. And so it happened, at kilometer 215 we had a lead group of 16 riders. Unfortunately Zivoniev Letter immediately decided to leave the race, as he was too intimidated by all his “enemies”.
With every cobbled section the group was trimmed further. Libertine Seguros and ACF were completely cooked and couldn’t keep up on the rough patches, Zamasailo had to let go with a flat tire. Furthermore, Jobiwan was taken out of the race, because he had deliberately pushed TLR, causing TLR and Cobblestoned to crash, taking them both out of contention. After the race Jobiwan declared that “Timmy had it coming”.
On the legendary “Carretree de Quatre”, Thirteen took the lead and immediately strung out the group. Only Scott SoCal, MichielVeedeebee, The Hitch and Havetts followed in her lead. Moments later VDB, seemingly unhindered by the wound on his elbow, passed Thirteen and placed a phenomenal acceleration. Surprisingly, the only ones to respond were Havetts and Scott SoCal.
With just 10 kilometers to go we had 3 leaders and all three of them were looking very strong. At 35 seconds we had a group of 5 led by the greatest classics rider of her generation: Thirteen. The lead trio wasn’t planning on letting the chase group return and took turns at the front. 3 kilometers from the line the Hitch threw a bombshell in the chase group, gunning for 4th place.
Meanwhile in the front group Havetts refused to take turns. Under the red flag the Dutch talent then rocketed away, but Michielveedeebee dragged himself back to his wheel. At this point Havetts swerved to the right and unsuccessfully tried to get back in third position. With 300 meters to go Havetts was passed by VDB who got a small gap on Scot SoCal. Dramatically, VDB slowed down with just 50 meters to go, while Scot SoCal made a huge effort and pipped him on the line.
Havetts finished 3rd and the Hitch managed to stay clear of a disappointed Thirteen, who beat the rest of the chase group for fifth place.
- Feb 16, 2011
- 1,456
- 5
- 0
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