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You might be a fred...

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BroDeal

BroDeal

Mar 18, 2009
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1. If your mountain bike has giant bar ends pointed straight up then you might be a fred.

2. If you have a beard then you might be a fred.

3. If you have a large mirror attached to your bars then you might be a fred.

4. If you have a mirror on your helmet then you might be a fred.

5. If you wear long tube socks while riding then you might be a fred.

...

[Edited by Mod - this just HAD to have numberings so we can keep track when the list gets longer)
 
Martin318is

Martin318is

Jun 16, 2009
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I am a bit concerned about number 2. According to the italian rules you have to have stubble but according to the Fred rules you can't have a beard.

Doesn't this mean that there will be at least one day per week where you are in danger of pushing the boundary a tad too far?
 
BroDeal

BroDeal

Mar 18, 2009
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6. If you ride sitting up like you are sitting in an easy chair then you might be a fred.

7. If ride on the road with a Camelbak then you might be a fred.

8. If you ever seriously considered buying a recumbent then you might be fred.

9. If you have a gel seat cover then you might be a fred.
 
T

the vagabond

Jul 23, 2009
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Dorks, dweebs, geeks, nerds, and freds

Allow me to excerpt from a primer of the above title that I wrote many years ago. Though not explicity cycling-related, cycling does enter the portrait, and after my lambasting of the previous four aforementioned groups, the Fred acquits himself well. Note especially the third-to-last sentence:

"And now we come to the Fred, the noble, endearing Fred. A Fred is a fellow who thinks he’s on top of the world when everyone else thinks he’s on the bottom. A Fred is the guy who’s just discovered some computer shortcut which others have been using for years, and writes an official corporate memo about it. A Fred is the jovial, ham-handed guy at the company water cooler who has a sign on his back saying, “Kick Me.” A Fred is the guy who organizes the company picnic and softball game, but sprains his ankle helping to set up the big tent the night before and has to spend the day at home. A Fred is the guy who buys 30 pounds of hamburgers for a cookout with a dozen friends, the guy who needs two trailers and a garage for a 10-foot fishing boat, and who has twenty pounds of paraphernalia for his touring bicycle, including a headlight which would illuminate the Grand Canyon and a custom-designed low gear, which allows him to pedal his bulk up hills at a surprisingly high cadence while being passed by hikers. But unlike the others catalogued above, the Fred has a suitable mate and a normal sex life. Yes, the Fred! The glorious, lovable, good-natured, hopeless-but-ever-optimistic Fred!"
 
RDV4ROUBAIX

RDV4ROUBAIX

Mar 19, 2009
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... If you still think it's 1989, hence forth the Scott "Drop-in".

s1s_scott_drop_in.jpg
 
A

Anonymous

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12. If you don't file off the lawyer tabs on your fork, you might be a Fred.
 
K

kiwirider

Jun 16, 2009
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.... if you wear lycra shorts and don't shave your legs, you might be a Fred ...
.... if you wear baggy MTB shorts on your road bike, you might be a Fred ...
.... if you have a riser stem on your roadie, you might be a Fred ...
.... if you wear more hi-viz yellow (or orange) when you ride than you'd find in a road construction crew, you might be a Fred ...
... if you can't look over your shoulder without swerving wildly to the side that you are looking, you might be a Fred ...
... if you treat the daily commute to work like a race, and sprint other riders to imaginary finish lines that only you know about, you might be a Fred ... (yes, I have had someone do that to me - they were on a road bike and I was on my MTB, which made it even funnier!)
... if you race to catch up to people at traffic lights and then slipstream them for as long as you can without saying a word and without ever thinking of taking a pull in the wind, you might be a Fred ...

Gee, I hope that's not being too cruel to some of the people I see riding round here most days ... ;) :D

My better half has just mentioned helmet and bar end mounted mirrors ... general opinion in our house is that there's no "might be" with those ... they're conclusive proof of Fred-ism!!!
:)
 
auscyclefan94

auscyclefan94

Jun 16, 2009
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RDV4ROUBAIX said:
13. ... if you have the lingering stench of dirty chamois, even in your street clothes.
Click to expand...
If you are a chamois sniffer you might be a fred!
kiwirider said:
.... if you wear lycra shorts and don't shave your legs, you might be a Fred ...
.... if you wear baggy MTB shorts on your road bike, you might be a Fred ...
.... if you have a riser stem on your roadie, you might be a Fred ...
.... if you wear more hi-viz yellow (or orange) when you ride than you'd find in a road construction crew, you might be a Fred ...
... if you can't look over your shoulder without swerving wildly to the side that you are looking, you might be a Fred ...
... if you treat the daily commute to work like a race, and sprint other riders to imaginary finish lines that only you know about, you might be a Fred ... (yes, I have had someone do that to me - they were on a road bike and I was on my MTB, which made it even funnier!)
... if you race to catch up to people at traffic lights and then slipstream them for as long as you can without saying a word and without ever thinking of taking a pull in the wind, you might be a Fred ...
Gee, I hope that's not being too cruel to some of the people I see riding round here most days ... ;) :D

My better half has just mentioned helmet and bar end mounted mirrors ... general opinion in our house is that there's no "might be" with those ... they're conclusive proof of Fred-ism!!!
:)
Click to expand...
:eek:
That is the only possible reason for me to be a fred!
 
unsheath

unsheath

Mar 13, 2009
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11. If you have bird deterrent spikes on your helmet then you might be a fred.
12. If you use sandals with spd cleats then you might be a fred.
 
Saddlesaw

Saddlesaw

May 28, 2010
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14. If you leave the plastic peak on your helmet you might be a Fred
15. If you have a DayGlo flag flying you might be a Fred
16. If you wear underwear under your knicks you might be a Fred
17. If you are playing music out loud from your MP3 player which is strapped to the bars (yes I have ridden with such an animal on a tour) you ARE a Fred!:eek:

Incidentally he also wore tube socks, wore a helmet mirror and had aero bars fitted to his MTB....best in class!
 
auscyclefan94

auscyclefan94

Jun 16, 2009
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Saddlesaw said:
14. If you leave the plastic peak on your helmet you might be a Fred
15. If you have a DayGlo flag flying you might be a Fred
16. If you wear underwear under your knicks you might be a Fred
17. If you are playing music out loud from your MP3 player which is strapped to the bars (yes I have ridden with such an animal on a tour) you ARE a Fred!:eek:
Click to expand...

That is not a "might be a fred" but a "definetly a fred":D
 
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