on jan 20, 2009 i was getting ready for work when i coughed and approximately 1 tablespoon of of blood came up. i coughed again and produced about the same amount. it was bright red arterial blood, and i knew that wasn't good. i called my sister-in-law, who is a general surgeon, and told her what had happened. she made a couple of calls and told me to go to university general e.r., they were waiting for me. i got there and they sent me for a chest x-ray. the x-ray showed a mass so they sent me for a ct scan. the ct scan showed a mass that appeared to be on my pulmonary artery, and the fear was that it was going to blow. one ambulance ride later and i was at st. luke's and sent to coronary icu. i spent three days there and between all the tests, biopsies and such i sat in bed with my smart phone learning about cancer. as i cyclist i was familiar with it so i went to livestrong.org and began my education.
for me it was and is a great educational tool. from first fears to survivor issues, there is so much good information there, and for me the survivor stories were a really nice lifeline. the stories are great when you feel like complete ****, for me they helped me see what was possible. i expect it's different for some, but for me it was a tremendous help. with cancer you face so many issues, and they do a good job of addressing things that you just don't know you'll face.
when they decided that i wasn't in immediate danger of death from the artery bursting, i was discharged. 3 days later i had a pet scan which showed the cancer had not spread. unfortunately it wasn't operable with out very risky surgery, but they felt like if the could shrink it away from the artery they could remove the lobe of my lung and get it. i did 3 months of chemo, then had surgery to remove half my lung. unfortunately the tumor had wrapped partly on the artery, so i still had micro margins, but i was almost completely clean. i did 7 weeks of radiation, along with another 2 months of chemo, and as of october 2, 2009 i am considered cancer free. i had blood work 2 weeks ago and it was fine, and i have another ct scan scheduled for friday. i have a radiation burn on what is left of my lung, and the fear now is that it could become cancerous, but my oncologist says that he doesn't think it's likely. i made my one year in january and with the type of cancer i had that is huge.
in october i rode the livestrong challenge. i was still very anemic and the radiation burn was just starting to bother me, but it was a great experience. as slow as i was, and as much as it hurt, i can honestly say i've never been so honored and so happy to ride with a group of people. there are many survivors, lots with visible scars from the beatings they took in treatment, and it is awe inspiring to be in that group. one man has his leg amputated at the hip, and when i saw that it put my loss in a new light. i knew all through it that i was suffering very little compared to most people, especially given the treatment regimen they used. as the dr. said, you're young and i hit you as hard as i possibly could to give you a good chance, and while it's miserable to do, i stood it remarkably well. but some of the riders i saw made me ashamed for my self pity.
there were groups and singles riding in honor of someone in treatment, and many in memory of loved ones. i felt so much gratitude for those people, there's no way i can put into words what i felt that day. as i've said before, i didn't go to ride with lance armstrong i went to ride because i could. when i came to the finish line there was a lane for survivors, and as i approached the line i heard them call my name, and people applauded and i cried, for the shame, and the pain, and the joy of living and riding my bike again.
that's what livestrong did for me.