Fearless Greg Lemond said:
I do kinda feel sad for people who dope though, they seem to have a low self esteem. I mean, they cannot accept the fysiologic bounderies of there own body.
I wasn't going to post here since I have never used PEDs in my life.
But then I read this post and I felt like sharing my experience.
I have no engine whatsoever. 4 litres lung capacity, chronical asthma, 41 avg hematocrit and by my understanding not much efficiency either.
I couldn't even keep up with my mates when running in primary school. I tried swimming, but never managed any result even when training harder than my teammates.
So I chose sports where skills matter more, at least when you're a kid. One thing I was good at: coordination. I could pick up any sport fundamental at ease. I played tennis and basketball for years, with fruitful results. It didn't last long though.
Even in a team sport like basketball, even if you're clearly the most skilled player on the court (which was often the case for me), you can't be the best player at the end of the game without a good engine. You feel dead legs and you tell yourself this must be the same for eveybody. But then your teammate rebounds the ball and sparks the fast break and you see guys sprinting like it's still the first quarter. And you're left hopeless.
Three years ago I told myself this was never gonna happen again. We finished the season in mid June and from the day after I did nothing but training. I runned and swimmed and rode my bike for the whole summer. Every day. I felt I was improving.
Then we started training camp, I was running with the best for the first time in my life. I smiled. But they had done nothing the whole summer, while I had suffered like never before.
Early October, first game of the season, 4th quarter. I rebound the ball and sprint for the fast break. And I feel it again. Dead legs. Everybody is sprinting like they've been training the whole summer. And I can't.
That was the day I told myself I was gonna use PEDs. I felt like nature had been unfair to me. Yes, I couldn't accept my body boundaries. And yes, I wanted to be better than all of them who did nothing the whole summer, even if it was a stupid 8th division game.
I didn't sleep at all that night. Then, the day after, I thought about it again and let it go, I didn't need to be the best, I just wanted to have fun and be healthy.
But deep inside of me I can still feel it: the desire to overcome my own body boundaries. I learnt to cope with them, but I can empathize with people who can't.